I am 37 and had my first baby last year via ifv after many years of trying. We had three good quality embryos (one didn’t thaw well, other two did not stick). I got pregnant with our average quality (BB) embryo and the pregnancy wasn’t without complications (nausea,vomiting, bleeding, stalled growth that picked up later, multiple reduced movements episodes, frequent braxton hicks) and I did not enjoy it as was too anxious about the health of our baby. The birth wasn’t without complications either but our little boy arrived safely after all the scare. Our little boy will also need a routine surgery (nothing too daunting but due to a congenital condition) and I also posted that I had concerns about him displaying some autistic traits.
After birth anxiety I had before skyrocketed, in retrospect I can see I developed severe PND/PPA, my health took a great toll due to unexplained reasons: I lost muscle bulk, feel like I am a 80 year old lady rather than a young 30 year old, i developed a benign tumour, struggling with sleep and house maintenance, my pelvic floor is destroyed. I am generally healthy though but just extremely unfit and not without a few niggles here and there that can be bothersome.
I posted here about how I regretted ivf…. and despite all of this I feel like I would like another child because it is so amazingly beautiful to be a mum and I never thought I had that sort of love in me and I am greedy for more, but I am not sure that my body and mind could actually take it. By the time I (hopefully) get myself into shape I will be 38-39 and then I only have CC (average-poor quality) embryos left. I don’t even know why I am thinking about it now but hopefully it is a sign of pnd departing! But I just cannot reconcile my emotional desire with the practicalities.
I am obviously not asking anyone to make a decision for me but I would really want to hear different perspectives to augment my internal debate.