Help! We tried to fix cosleeping and made it worse

[Orangepen13]

Our 21 mo has always loved contact sleeping. We’ve tried to edge towards independent sleeping for ages. We’d got to the point where she’d fall asleep with cuddles in her bed, naps in her bed, and usually stay until about 12am. I then had to sleep on the floor next to her floorbed for the rest of the night.

We tried to remove the mattress and instead just go in to settle her when she wakes and go back to bed. But this has completely backfired and now she struggles to stay asleep while napping (today she slept an hour, then woke every 10 mins), wakes within 30 mins after bedtime and generally takes so long to settle at night that I can barely stay awake with her. She’s so upset when I’m not there, and stays awake ‘checking’ I haven’t left. I can barely leave her bed because she keeps waking each time I try.

Has anyone found this? Does it ever end? How do we build her trust so she can sleep without us?

Rather than trying to sneak out, we found what worked better was saying I'm just popping out I'll be back to check on you in a minute. Then you keep going in and out but gradually less often. But they get used to the feeling of you going out.
I still do that with my nearly 4 year old to an extent, after putting him to bed I say I'll just make tea and check on you, and I do, but sometimes he's asleep by then.
Having a non sleeper is awful though, all the advice in the world sounds good but doesn't work and you feel worse. But it's just some kids have different needs.
Good luck!

If naps aren't working, I'd suggest she doesn't need the nap. (My dd dropped her final nap around 18-24m, and was having only a couple of naps a week rather than once a day, and by 2.5 never really napped again except on long car journeys)

Bedtimes taking ages is also a sign to drop a nap

@johnd2 ah, we have tried this. She’s so clingy that I can’t leave the room at all, sometimes not even her side. I have been trying just to shimmy off for a moment and let her know I’ll be back and then come back, but slooooow progress

@Mummy08m Im fearing this might also be the case. RIP naps 😢