Unsupervised play for under 4s - would you be comfortable?

[Lucky457]

I’ve met with some friends of friends who also have children a couple of times now. In both cases the meet ups have been at people’s houses with the intention of the little ones playing in the garden but both times the children have taken themselves off indoors (fair enough as that’s where the playrooms with all the toys are!). The 5, sometimes 6, children in question are all under the age of 4 and none of the other parents seemed concerned with supervising this play or even checking in regularly on the room. They were quite happy to sit outside to carry on their conversation. When I mentioned that I might go check on them all, I was told ‘why? They’ll let us know if they need us’. My daughter is 2 and I’m personally not comfortable with leaving her to play unsupervised with her peers as to me none of them are mature enough (I’d feel this way about any young children and toddlers as I personally think they’re too young). So in both instances I have been the one to check on them all and stay close by, which then means none of the other parents ‘have to’ I know but the times when I left the room with my daughter to get her a snack or a drink no one else then went in the room instead. When I was in the room or nearby there was some nice play happening and also some ‘age appropriate’ disagreements around sharing etc. There were also times where some unkind words were being said, one of the toddlers hurt another one and there were some hazards in the room (a climbing frame more suited to older children due to its height and spaces between the bars) plus the 1.5 year old kept putting small parts in her mouth which could have been a choking hazard. The other parents seem to think I was overreacting with my concerns and the fact I thought they were too young to be playing unsupervised.

I’m just interested in what others think? I have friends who’ve had children and we meet regularly and it’s never been questioned that we wouldn’t be supervising the children. It’s been the same at play dates with friends made at playgroups too. Everyone has different styles of parenting but I’m just curious about what the general consensus is with under 4s playing and whether them being unsupervised is considered okay by some or if they would need to be a bit older. On both occasions it wasn’t possible to see or hear the children from the gardens, if that makes a difference.

No I wouldn't be comfortable. Not out of sight at that age, and especially for you with a 2 yr old deff not.

No I would not be happy with this, I have a 2 and 4 year old

No, unsafe

Depends on the age. I'd let my 4 year old play like that, but not a 2 year old

I wasn’t comfortable until my DSs were 4, and even then I’d have wanted to check regularly.

I wouldn’t feel comfortable with that.

I check on my 4 year old regularly at home when he’s playing. He is generally ok but does silly or dangerous things sometimes.

My almost 4-yr old I would be ok with this, but I would still check regularly. Def not an under 3 though.

no i would not be ok with that - 4 at the earliest even then lots of checks - they do some right stupid shit at that age!

I’ve a 3&2 year old and they play together out of my sight (but within hearing), eg. Open double doors from living room/play space to patio area. I’ll sit outside on the patio. Including when they/I have friends over.

They are at a stage now where I’d also be comfortable to pop upstairs to the loo etc. but in all likelihood they’d stalk me up!

However I wouldn’t be comfortable out of earshot. Also I’d be conscious that the playroom is toddler proof, but not baby proof. So if friends have younger ones (ie those that still put stuff in mouths) I’d want them in sight.

I also accept that the room will be a mess/need serious tidy up time and keep toys that could be mayhem (eg markers) away!

Not with big age gaps and sheer number of kids like that. I happily left my older daughter with a pal from around 3.5; they were in playroom and her friend's Mum and I were in kitchen so within earshot the whole time, plus it was a child friendly room. Very occasionally we would hear an argument starting and we would listen to see if it required intervention but generally they played pretty nicely together and no problems.

I do leave DD1(4.5) and DD2(14mo) in the playroom together for short bursts or while I'm cooking or cleaning and I can see/hear what they are doing. But again it's a safe room for play.

Thank you for your perspectives everyone

I think it depends on the playspace and the child, but I wouldn't be leaving an under two out of earshot/sight. I think a calm two year old in a safe space is probably fine (and they would indeed come and get you or one of the others would if they needed you).

The thing to remember is that if you don't feel safe with your child in that space, then check. If the other parents feel safe with their child in that space then they're ok to sit in the garden. If it's their children and their house they've presumably made that space safe for those children. Doesn't mean it's safe for any child.

Not safe mostly due to risk if choking or wandering into another room with other hazards. You don't know if they've secured large furniture to the wall or if they have accessible button batteries or blind cords.

At 4, I'd be ok with our of sight but in hearing, especially in a play room as if assume it was appropriately safe.

But you've mentioned toddlers.... I do leave my nearly 3yos in playroom while im naking dinner/having a wee/running the bath. But i check in frequently. Also, a mix of ages is trickier in some ways - my eldest used to get Lego outwhen she was 5 and her brothers were just mobile. She wasn't aware of the issue. A 4 or 5 year old might well get out something that is totally age appropriate to them but that a 1 or 2 year old shouldn't have unsupervised. Especially if they don't have younger siblings themselves so don't know what could be dangerous.