Idiot's guide please - what does "bedtime" mean at 3 months?

[EvelynSalt]

Ok so I keep hearing parents talk about bedtime, parenting guide videos on social media talk about baby napping then bedtime at 7-8pm, from around 2 months old.

But what does this actually look like in practice as baby needs to be in the same room as me? I assume people aren't all going to bed, in their bedroom with the baby, at 7pm?

For context, my baby has bad reflux so after each feed, I need to hold her upright on my chest for at least half an hour. She falls asleep on me and then I transfer her to either her Moses basket in the day, or her next to me crib at night.

At the moment I breastfeed apart from one bottle that my husband gives in the evening so I can go and get a couple of hours sleep. Then he brings baby up to her cot in our room about 10pm.

How do we "do" bedtime at 7?

Thanks, from a confused first time mum.

What they mean is that this is when they do the ‘bedtime things’ - feed, bath, fresh clothes, dim the lights, make a concerted effort to get them to sleep. Unless they’re sleeping through they then wake up again so it’s meaningless. My nearly 5 month old has only just fallen into a loose bedtime routine.

For us it meant dim the lights in the lounge, turn the volume on the tv down lower. Put baby into pjs and sleeping bag, feed. Then usually cuddle him on the sofa until ready to go up to bed, which might be straight away for an early night or later on.

First be gentle on yourself and do what works for you and your family.

Everyone does it differently but we basically started with a routine of bath time, massage then into sleepsuit and feed, starting around 6. I would still bf with DS1 this was before bath then down in next to me and comforted to sleep.
DS 2 I could feed after bath without him falling asleep.
I would go to bed at was knackered but sometimes would watch a film with headphones in.

From around 5 months onwards would use the monitor and be downstairs.
But honestly just do what works for you guys it's more about getting them used to a bit of a routine and quiet time/sleepy time. There is also nothing wrong with feeding to sleep if it works for you. For us DS1 was such a horrific sleeper I became severely sleep deprived so we had to get him into more of a routine which wasn't waking every 30-50mins!

We did a breastfeed then bath and then Moses basket in the living room.

Usually another feed before my bedtime.

Then when we were going to bed we'd carry the Moses basket up to our room.

I disagree it's meaningless, it's the start of a bedtime routine that they will continue for many years and it's great to get them started on it early if it works for you. For us we noticed around 11/12 weeks our daughter stopped cluster feeding in the evenings and seemed to want to sleep from 7.30/8 ish for a longer stint. So we started doing a bath, change of clothes, story and feed at this age and then put her to sleep in her moses basked upstairs. We chose to leave her up there until we went to bed around 9. Fully aware of the safe sleep guidance and made the decision knowing the risks. All other risk factors for SIDS were low and we were happy with this decision. For us it was great, having 1-1.5 hours back in the evening was bliss and we still follow exactly the same routine now almost 2 years later. We have never had any issue putting her down for the night (except for the odd blip when ill), much of which I credit to the well established routine. We replicate the routine if we go away for the night and have never had any issues with her sleeping in other places either. Worked great for us but very individual, do what's right for you.

Feeding on and off downstairs until about 11pm then feed upstairs before bed

For us it meant bath, into pjs, feed, story, put down in Moses basket / crib. Then we’d do a dream feed about 11 and head to bed. We did the bath, feed, story from as soon as we were home from hospital with both of them. It’s still pretty much their routine at 12 and 10 (though without the breast milk!)

It means get baby ready for bed- bath, story, sleeping bag, feed (or whatever your routine is) and down to sleep between about 7pm or 8pm. Where baby sleeps is up to you!

Mine is in the bassinet on my living room floor while DH and I watch TV or a film and overindulge in chocolate and biscuits and then when I go up to bed, I take baby up then too.

Ah, thank you all! I feel a bit better after reading your replies. I was worried that I was being a selfish mum messing up her chance of a routine by not going upstairs to bed at 7!

At the moment we bath / top and tail her about 6.30, then it's breast feed and sleep on us / in her basket downstairs. We will go ahead and make sure to dim lights, turn tv down and add in her sleeping bag and a little story after her bath. Thank you all 😊

My daughter sleeps through at 12 weeks, so I appreciate I’m very, very lucky! I don’t think it’s anything we’ve done, just good fortune, but it’s been since around the same time we started a routine so you never know!

She wakes up around 7, has her first nap about 9:30-11:30, then naps again around 2-3, then 5-5:45 ish (we haven’t mastered naps in the day yet!). I don’t let her sleep past 5:45. We take her up for a bath at 7:15, then dry her off and put her in her sleeping bag etc, then I feed her in bed (she’s EBF if that makes a difference!). When she’s finished feeding, she’s usually asleep but my husband rocks her for a few minutes just to settle her, then transfers her to bed. Depending on how long she feeds, how long she needs rocking for, if the first transfer is successful etc, she’s usually asleep between 8 and 9.

I know you’re not meant to leave them with the monitor on when they’re this young, but I probably watch her more on the monitor than I would if I was sitting next to her playing on my phone! We also go up and check on her really regularly so I’m not too worried about it.

You just have to do what works for you!

I don’t think it is relevant to breastfed babies.

I went to bed when I wanted and baby was always with me-so might be 8pm or midnight.

We didn’t do daily baths (bad for the biome) or anything associated with bedtime really.

We only started a bedtime routine as such when I was back at work at 14 months.

Both DS's were/are breastfed (youngest is 18 months) we definitely have a bedtime routine and have done from a early stage. Would still feed in the night etc but it's about winding baby down for the evening

For us it meant bath, into PJs, then put into the moses basket in a dark corner of the living room and keeping the TV volume low. At 10pm they’d have a feed and then we’d all go upstairs together. We had them upstairs with a monitor from 4 months which is when they started being bothered by any light and noise whatsoever. I know guidlines are 6 months but from then they really needed to go to bed properly and for my own sanity I wasn’t sitting a dark room every night.

At 3 months for my First it was bath at 7ish boob downstairs, then when baby was asleep I'd carefully transfer to Moses basket and turn the tv down then carry them up to bed to sleep next to me when I was tired.
For my 2nd she had her own room before she was born with all her stuff and was bottle fed from 9 weeks so by 3 months she was put to bed at 8pm after a bottle in her own room, then I'd transfer her to our bed when I was about to sleep. This meant we could have couple time for 2 or so hours before she would be in our bed. I was quite relaxed about bedtimes and it worked for us.

“We also go up and check on her really regularly so I’m not too worried about it. You just have to do what works for you!”

But thank you for implying I haven’t done any research, and for trying to shame me for doing what works for our family! 🙂

@Vault687 for the third time… “you just have to do what works for you”.

Thanks so much for your (patronising) feedback on how my husband and I are raising our daughter, but clearly you have a different idea of what we should do and that’s absolutely fine! You can do whatever you want to do with your children and I won’t pass comment on it, because it’s nothing to do with me. If we feel comfortable leaving her for 20 minute intervals, that’s our problem to deal with, not yours. I don’t need a lecture thank you! 🙂

@Vault687 okay well I appreciate your concern, but when you repeat the same information several times, it comes across as patronising. I also notice several people on the thread have said a similar thing to me and yet you haven’t pinpointed them, which adds further to the “lecture” feeling.

As I’ve said, numerous times, I do what I’m comfortable with. I’m sure you haven’t followed every single bit of guidance to the very letter, and that’s your prerogative. If you have, all the more power to you, there are certainly some things that are exceedingly difficult to do, so well done!

However, consistently implying I’m being a neglectful parent by prioritising my own mental health in this one way isn’t helpful, and adds to the intense mum guilt that every new mother will have at some point over something they do or don’t do. Sharing information is one thing, picking out one of several people saying the same thing and repeating the risks over and over (that I’m well aware of, as I stated previously) comes across as an attack. I understand this may not have been your intention, but unfortunately this is how it’s come across.

Thank you for sharing the information for anyone who hasn’t researched, but the way you’ve gone about it perhaps hasn’t been the most helpful.