I hate my HV

[Empressofall]

The title says it all really.
I despise our Health Visitor. She's judgemental and every time I see her, she's always got something to say that I don't find particularly helpful. I cant pinpoint it but I juat really hate being in her presence. I always leave feeling utterly shit about myself and my parenting.
I'm trying my best. I really am.
The problem now is that LO is coming up to 6 months. Where I am (Wales), the little red book says there's a "family resilience check offered".
I cannot face having her in my home again. Am I within my rights to decline the visit? "Offered" implies it's optional, doesn't it? Or am I just grasping at straws?
Can I request a new one? If I did, would that put me under scrutiny??
I dont think I'm a bad parent... but I get the feeling she does.
Can anyone offer any advice?
Thanks xxxx

Oh 100% you can decline it! Or, if you'd prefer a different one, just call the general number and ask! I've met some absolutely hideous health visitors in my time. I'd have had no issue with telling them I wanted to see someone different. They're there to support you, not to torture you x

You don't have to have them over. You don't have to see them at all. Just say it's not convenient at the moment and you'll see them for the one year check.

I'm in England and I only had a regular HV for the first few months. The lady who did the one year check was someone completely different. Hopefully it's the same in Wales!

Do you mind me asking... where are you based?c

There's a list in the little red book. I've asked DH to be there instead of me. He's a parent too, after all. It shouldn't be all down to me. So far... my plan is to agree to the visit but "have to go to a funeral" on the day.
I was way too bereaved to remember to cancel the visit but seeing as she's there... over to hubby.

I'm absolutely going to hell, aren't it?

Leaving her to DH sounds like an excellent plan!
At 6mo I was back at work, which got them off my back

Same but she seems to think she can "make time". Ugh.

You can ring the office and deselect her (meaning she won't come out to you and your case will be handed over to another HV) if that would help. I deselected my first one who on day 9 when I was starting to develop mastitis she told me to "get over it and just give the baby a bottle of formula" when I asked for support in breastfeeding.

You can decline her visits and ask for another HV

It's well within your rights

Gosh I met my first one twice and the second I had a video call with (thanks covid) and then have never spoken to her again! I just declined the 2 year check, it’s an admin person you speak to to arrange here so they couldn’t care less whether or not you take them up on it.

Haven't seen a hv since my daughter was 10 days old she's now 6 years old not compulsory

Don't make up a fib, just phone up and decline that visit/all future visits. She probably has loads of other families to see/things to do so no skin off her nose really.

I don't get why you're still indulging this woman, I told my HV both times not to return after 6 weeks, found them entirely helpful and poorly trained.

Just decline further interaction

You can either decline visits altogether or ask for a different hv. Unless you're very rural, they usually work in teams.
A friend declined all future visits because she thought the hv was being really unhelpful. She ended up having to take her kids to hospital for a welfare check type thing because the hv had reported concerns. Completely vindictively. The doctor had no issues and there was no long term problems.
This doesn't normally happen, but like you, she felt her hv was treating her like she was incapable.

I think I saw the health visitor a couple of times when DS was born and that was it! Definitely not 6 months later. Why do you need one?

You don't have to see a health visitor if you don't want to. My experience of them, years ago, was not positive but I didn't have regular visits, only two in four years. You have choices. As long as you take your baby to the baby clinic when required, that's quite enough.

It's a voluntary service you can absolutely decline, but I'd try requesting a new one first. I love my hv she's been so supportive and very reassuring- they're not all the same so I'd try to ask for another and see how you get on. You could just say its not clicking and she's making you uncomfortable and you'd prefer to have a different worker. They should be willing to accommodate that.

Opt out. I opted out with my second baby. I've never had a good experience with a HV. Judgmental, out dated advice, nothing useful to add.

I had my son a few months before covid and moved cities a when he was 4 months. I haven't seen a health visitor since he was born. Haven't even been contacted by one. He's fine.