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Original poster

My 20 month old is unbearable

32 replies

Mamato2under2 · 13/08/2023 23:09

Hello

I'm not even sure how to word any of this without sounding like the worst mum on the planet. But I think ill just have to be very blunt.

My 20 month old DD is a living nightmare.
She was the most gentle, sensitive and sweet little thing until she was around 10 months old. And now she's just the devil's work. I'd love to be exaggerating when I say she cries, screams, whinges and whines all day but that is how she is. I have a 3 year old who doesn't want to spend time with her because she's too noisy, my 4 month old frequently gets woken and startled by her screaming.
She will ask for a drink and while I'm making her drink she goes wild screaming and crying for the drink. I'll give her the drink and she throws it to the floor and has a full on breakdown. That's just one example. Her sleep is appalling at the moment. Often wakes at 2am and won't go back to sleep until 5am - which is usually my little boys feeding time. So im up for the day at 2am mostly. Tonight she woke at 8.30 and screamed non stop until right now, she's moved to whining now. She has spent the last hour climbing on my head, pulling my hair, screaming in my ears, and just being a bit of a pest.

I have spoken to the HV about it multiple times but as we go through HVs like we go through toilet paper in this house its been a bit unproductive. Our latest HV thinks a referral to the Child Development Clinic would be beneficial but they won't accept her because she's so young. So at the moment it's a case of building evidence to put to them.

My 3 year old starts nursery on Thursday and I feel absolutely awful that we haven't been able to do any activities together just us before she sets off on her new adventure because DD just looses the plot. My 4 month old has has needs met but 1-1 time is very limited as my DD just climbs all over him, screams in his face and climbs all over me crying. It's like no one is allowed any of my attention because she will loose her shit.

I'm at my wits end and don't know what to do. Shes meeting her milestones, can communicate somewhat verbally. But shes just as angry and upset 24/7! Please help!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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cestlavielife · 14/08/2023 11:59

She s just communicating her annoyance at being in middle. She is fine at your parents when centre of attention...
Hang in, ignore tantrums and dont get angry at her
and she will get used to it with time
If you can get more help at home do maybe a nursery care student can come help out play eith todfler or baby under your supervision

Sunshineclouds11 · 14/08/2023 12:06

If nursery isn't an option I would see if grandparents can take her for an extra day.

Is there an hour or two the grandparents or dad can watch the baby so you can have some 1-2-1 with her? (When oldest at nursery)

cyncope · 14/08/2023 16:24

You or your HV could refer you to Home Start too - they can match you with a volunteer who is also a mum/nan who can come round for 2-3 hours every week and hold the baby so you can spend time with the 1 year old, or play with the 1 year old so you can focus on the baby etc. Or help you get everyone out to the park/softplay.
Or even just watch the kids for an hour so you can take a bath or lie down alone.

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VinEtFromage · 15/08/2023 13:35

Green777 · 14/08/2023 07:24

Well I can choose to believe OP’s account who’s there with her a lot during the day doing activities and spending lots of time with her while baby naps and eldest is lent given much one on one time as a result or I can believe you who says no she isn’t and seems to know more than the OP.

Show quote history

@Green777

whatever.

Whichever, other people looking after her more isn't going to solve the problem as the toddler wants her MUM. She's still very young & needs a need met that isn't being met right now! It's not always easy to work out what's upsetting them, but she's fine at Grandparents, but not at home, 'out sourcing' her care isn't the answer (tempting as it is). It will exacerbate the problem, not help it!!

Molly273 · 03/10/2024 20:06

Mamato2under2 · 13/08/2023 23:09

Hello

I'm not even sure how to word any of this without sounding like the worst mum on the planet. But I think ill just have to be very blunt.

My 20 month old DD is a living nightmare.
She was the most gentle, sensitive and sweet little thing until she was around 10 months old. And now she's just the devil's work. I'd love to be exaggerating when I say she cries, screams, whinges and whines all day but that is how she is. I have a 3 year old who doesn't want to spend time with her because she's too noisy, my 4 month old frequently gets woken and startled by her screaming.
She will ask for a drink and while I'm making her drink she goes wild screaming and crying for the drink. I'll give her the drink and she throws it to the floor and has a full on breakdown. That's just one example. Her sleep is appalling at the moment. Often wakes at 2am and won't go back to sleep until 5am - which is usually my little boys feeding time. So im up for the day at 2am mostly. Tonight she woke at 8.30 and screamed non stop until right now, she's moved to whining now. She has spent the last hour climbing on my head, pulling my hair, screaming in my ears, and just being a bit of a pest.

I have spoken to the HV about it multiple times but as we go through HVs like we go through toilet paper in this house its been a bit unproductive. Our latest HV thinks a referral to the Child Development Clinic would be beneficial but they won't accept her because she's so young. So at the moment it's a case of building evidence to put to them.

My 3 year old starts nursery on Thursday and I feel absolutely awful that we haven't been able to do any activities together just us before she sets off on her new adventure because DD just looses the plot. My 4 month old has has needs met but 1-1 time is very limited as my DD just climbs all over him, screams in his face and climbs all over me crying. It's like no one is allowed any of my attention because she will loose her shit.

I'm at my wits end and don't know what to do. Shes meeting her milestones, can communicate somewhat verbally. But shes just as angry and upset 24/7! Please help!

Hi how’s your DD now ? ☺️

Oncemoreuntothebreachmother · 03/10/2024 21:22

Also interested to know OP!

Lulu4948 · 17/03/2025 19:50

Hey - how is your little one getting on now? Better I hope :)

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