Sleepover anxiety in teen. Help!

[maldivemoment]

Our almost 14yr is finding sleepovers with friends really challenging. Excluding family his last sleepover was when he was 9 & he got so worked up/anxious he threw up & we had to go & pick him up. Cue legacy of sleepover=feeling so anxious you throw up.

Covid hasn’t helped, so we’re now in a situation where the kid can’t get past the fear of throwing up, which means he says ‘no’ to every sleepover invitation.
I’m using every tool in the toolbox but feel like I’m failing miserably.

please can anyone give me some top tips/advice as to how to get this kid on a sleepover?

Does he want to go on sleepovers? It doesn't sound like he likes them.

Em, yes he does.
Sorry if I didn’t make that clear.

Does he know what it is that is upsetting him? Like does he think something is going to happen to him when he's there or that something is going to happen to you?

My dd was nine before she went on a sleepover which was quite late in her friendship group. This was before mobiles were so prevalent so she would have had to use a landline to contact us which I think helped. Would it help him to have less contact with you when he's there?

If the worry is focussed on him being sick, would travel sickness tablets, or the wrist bands if you don't want to use drugs, help?

Build up to going for him but make sure he actually wants to go. Maybe this is an excuse?

Next time he gets an invitation and its off a close friend. Rather then immediately saying no. Can he say, look you know im a bit funny about sleepovers, can I bring all my stuff and come and hang out but if im not feeling cool i have the option to go about 12.

If you are then on standby for a lift could it depressurise it? Then if he stood stay tbh by the time to go to sleep in the early hours its only maybe 3-4 hours until its light enough to walk home if hes desperate.

Does he go round to friend houses regularly and host sleepovers himself?

Thank you all.

He’s keen to participate in sleepovers. However he can’t get past the ‘what happens if I get so worked up/anxious I throw up?’ and then he gets caught in this viscous cycle of not being able to get out of this thought. Poor kid.

He’s a bright kid & gets upset that (at the moment) he can’t get past this stumbling block. I’ve tried all the strategies suggested, to no avail so just feeling a bit helpless at the moment.

Thanks all the same