Would you move back home?

[ladybirdocean242]

DH has opportunity for job in America, where I am from and where all my close friends live in the same state, which is also close to my parents, in the midwest. We have been here 6 years and had a DC in 2021, and I'm finally feeling settled, have a job I enjoy, and generally like where we live.

However, I am lonely. I have met some other mums but it's hard to keep in touch or see each other often since everyone has ended mat leave and gone back to work. I have no free time, and when I do I try to spend alone time with my husband -- but there is almost zero free time on the table because I work full time and because of that I like to be with my DC when I can. We also have no family or help, and don't like to pay for/use babysitters often.

Point being, all of my friends and community is back in the States. DH's job could land us back in that community and I am not sure if my own personal happiness and quality of life would be much better, or if its just a fantasy of how life would be back home; In other words, would everyone else just be in the same position with kids and we'd only realistically see people once in a while -- but then I think even if that were true, we could have people over at the weekends, the kids could grow up together, we could take holidays with friends, even if it were small things like going to birthday parties etc..... Last year we only had 5 people at DC's birthday. It made me really sad that our community is so small here. Will this get better once they start school? Is it normal to have such a crap social life when working full time and as a mum to a toddler?

To get to the point: The main thing stopping me from jumping at the chance to move home is GUNS. I know the likelihood of a school shooting is less than a shark attack or getting struck by lightning, but the thought of my DC being in a gun drill in school (and said gun drill being as normal to everyone as a fire drill) terrifies me and if I have the choice to not let them go through that and that anxiety and worry in the back of their heads (let alone mine every time we would be in a public place: movies, grocery store, sports game), I feel I have to put my own needs aside and do what's best for DC.

DH would be happy either way but he doesn't seem as concerned about this as I do.

What would you do?

As your DC is so young could you go for 3-5 years?

@frootito that's not a bad idea but the logistics of moving internationally are a headache I only want to deal with again if I know it's long term... more interested in what others would do in my shoes, if they agree that's a huge worry or if I'm being overly anxious and silly

That's fair enough. I guess my take would be that I would rather be with my friends and family in a sub optimal location than be in the best location without them.

I would be terrified of the guns & drills ect & all the crazy stuff going on in a more extreme level in America atm. If I lived there I'd have to be in a position to home school tbh.I have always lived in the UK so my situation was on a much smaller scale than yours bt I moved from the city I'd brought my daughter up in for 10yrs to move to another city where I believed & was told I would have much more support & social life & that my daughter would fare better so I moved and guess what! non of those things happened! and my daughter did NOT fare well,the guilt I felt was almost unbearable n I still feel it now, she's 21yrs old now n still struggling.Since moving here I have had a son, born here in the city where nothing went right & I toyed with the idea of moving bk to my old city so I went bk there for a visit and all the things I'd spent so long pining over were gone! Did not exist there anymore, I realised there was nothing left there for me or my youngest and when I came bk from my visit I had a new appreciation for the city I chose to move to so I'm staying put. One thing is for sure! Be careful about the age u choose to uproot kids, do it before they start school & put down roots ect if that makes sense? My daughter was at a really sensitive age n my choice was stupid! So I'd say visit if u can, see if it's really what you want, your little one is young enough atm & will adapt if u choose to move.

Thank you @Mamaraven good point

I am so grateful not to have to contend with guns. The drills must be terrifying.

I'd stay in Europe, personally.

Stay in Europe

I’d take my child to where they will have a loving community. It sounds as if that could be America for you. Yes, I would be fearful of the gun culture, but is that enough reason to keep them away from grandparents and a great support network?
Could you go for a visit and reassess?

USA have guns.. Uk has horrific knife crime. Don't let What Ifs spoil things op.