Hi OP. My baby is 15 months now and I think we should all start being honest with new and expectant mums and say the first year is likely to be a shitshow. Not the first 6-8 weeks, not the first 6 months, but very possibly the first entire year!
You’re in the throes of difficult babyhood atm - too old to be a sleepy newborn who chills in your arms but too young to be mobile and independent.
I coslept with my baby between about 4-10 months. It’s what you do to get through the nights (and days!). Sleep is notoriously crap during this period. My baby’s worst sleep was between 6-10 months.
It’s possible your baby is happiest in your arms because he’s not fully mobile (is he crawling yet?). Or it’s possibly some reflux or discomfort that’s soothed by being held by you, his fave person. If you think this could be possible, speak to the HV or GP - and try to reframe it that he just wants to be close to you if he’s feeling poorly or in pain.
Alternatively he could just be ‘high needs’ which I’ve seen other parents talk about. Mine isn’t, but from what I’ve read this hugely eases over time.
For practical advice:
Sleep - how is he fed? Breast or bottle? We had to stop breastfeeding at 10 months due to medical reasons and she wouldn’t take a bottle so she doesn’t drink milk at all now (apart from in her food). Our HV said it was fine to abandon trying to get her drink milk as she ate very well. We also moved her into her own room when this happened - it was a crap 3 nights while she adjusted from cosleeping but within a month, she was sleeping through. She now self settles throughout the night (unless ill) and loves her cot. I would never ever have believed you if you’d said this when she was 7 months so it really can happen for you too!
I imagine your baby is too young and new to food to follow this same approach but if you can hang on a couple more months, you can effectively echo the same approach - it’s worth a shot!
Basic personal care - This is a critical need. You can face almost anything with clean hair and a fresh T-shirt. I put my baby in the cot with books and toys so I can shower, and have done since she outgrew her bouncer and Bumbo chair. If you don’t think he’d accept this, prop your phone on a high surface and stick on Ms Rachel (YouTube) or even better, download BBC iplayer and play Tik Tak, or The Baby Club, or In The Night Garden. It will give you the 15 minutes you need to get showered.
Don’t worry about division of labour - your husband completely understands. It won’t be forever. But it might be nice for you to get to faff around in the kitchen and make lunch or dinner sometimes (for a baby break!) so maybe try to alternate some of those duties.
And you are balancing life with a baby - because life IS the baby 😅 Every week / month, life opens up a tiny bit more until the balance becomes easier and easier. Now my baby is 15 months and I’ve joined a twice-weekly exercise class and do social things in the evenings!!!! I promise it won’t last forever.
Last conclusion of my essay - hopefully you’ve got some mummy friends to vent and rant with but if you haven’t, or if yours are a bit crap and pretend everything’s shiny, keep plugging away at those baby groups and library sessions to find people who are more your tribe. It really helps having people who understand.
Wishing you all the best - please don’t be hard on yourself, and recognise you’re in one of the worst periods of being a parent ever! It gets easier, I promise.