Help! MIL hell

[NickyILQ13]

I need help with a situation and problem I am currently having with my mother in law. I have been with my fiancé for over 6 years now, we both have children from previous relationships and have had a child together. We have my step son half and half with his mum, so he basically also lives with us. My mother in law has a good relationship with all the children, but has left my children out several times. For example she would tell my step son she will take him out, buy him this and that, infront of my other children. Which as you can imagine would make them feel jealous.
I'm not stupid to think that there will be some difference as my step son is her real grandson. But am I wrong for being offended when he leaves my children out? On one occasion without speaking to us she said she would go on holiday with my fiancés ex and my step son.
she has also gone behind our backs and booked to take him abroad, we wasn't asked and this was booked before we even found out. We had to find out from my fiancés ex, the child's mum. When my MIL was asked why we had only just found this information out, she said because she knew I would have an issue with it.
they're all around the same age so they do get jealous.
I have then said to my fiancé fine we will book to go away in the same week, that way no one misses out and all the children get a holiday. He is now saying he doesn't want to go without his son.

I am so upset and frustrated because he seems to think her behaviour is normal! He is also happy to not come on a family holiday with us because his son can't be there.
This is only a couple of occasions where she has done this, this has been a huge problem and even though we have spoken to her about it, she continues to do it.
Any advice? I'm at my wits end!

I’m not sure what to tell you OP. MIL may not be goings about it in the right way but and it’s not the nicest for your children from previous relationship but your expectations are unreasonable.

I have been your children in this situation, I had step siblings similar age to me and my siblings. They had much more involved grandparents than us and so we saw how well they were treated. My step grandparents never treated me badly and made nice gestures like a little box of chocolates ar Christmas or a fiver ina. Card. But we were never taken on their family holidays etc. You need to manage your children’s expectations instead of getting in the way of your MILs relationship with her grandson.

Your partner is being unreasonable for not going on holiday when his son is away though. That’s silly. His son is away either way.

Sorry but you are in the wrong here. Whilst you would hope she would treat your child the same she doesn't see him in the same way. My MIL was the same with mine and did exactly the same. Days out and holidays with ex and DSS. Once I accepted this wasn't going to ever change it was a lot easier. But also easier to say no to her when she wanted ro take our joint DC but not mine

End of the day she's his nan, she's not your children's nan. They have their own nan.

Your expectations are unreasonable.

I agree, I think you're being unfair on her.

She doesn't really need to consult you on what she does with her grandson. If she has a good relationship with his mother, enough to go on holiday with them then that's great. She doesn't need to tell you before they've booked it.

As long as she's nice to your kids when she sees them then you can't really expect more from her.

I think you are being unreasonable.

Why should she take your children away? Have you ever offered to take her on holiday with your family? Or are you upset that she still has a relationship with your DP ex ?

Hi I'm a little confused, If you've got a child together, that makes her the grandma of 2/3 children in your house? So she treats these two a little more than your child from pervious? So she is your fiancés mum?

@NickyILQ13 "On one occasion without speaking to us she said she would go on holiday with my fiancés ex and my step son.
she has also gone behind our backs and booked to take him abroad, we wasn't asked and this was booked before we even found out."

To be honest, so long as they are his father's "days" I can't see the problem with this!