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Original poster

Court order

14 replies

xx200xx · 10/08/2023 16:02

Hiya, so me and my child's father currently have a court order in place, he only has my child a few hours a week for 2 days a week.

We are back in court in October but the judge did say if we can come to agreement outside of court about overnight contact then we can start that.

I offered my child's father overnights and he has said he's sticking to the court order. He is also trying to gain custody of my child.

I'm now worried how this would affect the case, I'm worried the courts might think I'm not sticking to the order and that dad is. Even tho dad did ask not so long ago through solicitors if he can have him once a week in august overnight.

Can't help that worry I have done something bad by offering this?? I just felt like my son was ready now.

OP posts:
Sunnysummeragain · 10/08/2023 17:58

Not at all. He is the one who looks bad.

Spirallingdownwards · 10/08/2023 18:02

He is the one that will look ridiculous. He wants custody but isn't prepared to have the child overnight at the moment. I assume he just doesn't want to pay maintenance.

Hmindr68 · 10/08/2023 18:04

Accepting your offer of more contact would have put him a much better position come October. Did you get it in writing? Email?

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YoBeaches · 10/08/2023 18:09

It makes him look worse, if you have a solicitor then I would reiterate that you are suggesting this through them so it's documented.

Unless there's any safeguarding issues though there are few cases these days where one capable parent is awarded full custody over the other equally capable parent, as that's not in the best interest of the child. Steps towards 50/50 would be recommended, which you are suggesting and he is declining.

Original poster
xx200xx · 10/08/2023 18:16

So it was done in person but also on text about offering contact to increase.

It wasn't long ago he was asking for overnight contact and he didn't get it.

He even refused to see our son in court a while back because he didn't have him over night but now he don't want him until October.

I'm wanting him to see our 1 year old every other weekend and a midweek stay but he's asking for Thursday till Monday every week.

On the text he said " im going to stick to the court order. Thanks for the offer" to try and make himself look good

OP posts:
YoBeaches · 10/08/2023 18:23

No Thurs to Mond is too long for a 1yr old. You also both need balance of nursery/school days and days off.

I would start with 1 night and build up to a routine of 2/2/3 so it's short periods away from you both, but you both get an alternative full weekend.

Eventually if you make this work you could move to one week rotating, but you're miles away from that yet.

YoBeaches · 10/08/2023 18:23

Is he paying maintenance by the way?

Original poster
xx200xx · 10/08/2023 18:25

He has started claiming benefits so he hardly has to pay anything and I always got to report it as late.

We live over an hour away so even then I don't get how he would drop my son of for nursery/ school in time.

OP posts:
Radiodread · 10/08/2023 18:40

Ohhh, he wants the child to increase his benefits, right? What a douche.

Original poster
xx200xx · 10/08/2023 18:44

Yep!! He was working up until he had to pay maintenance and then wanted to be resident parent!

OP posts:
Radiodread · 10/08/2023 19:23

Make sure you are the one claiming the child benefit and he doesn’t try anything shifty with that.

Original poster
xx200xx · 11/08/2023 08:32

Radiodread · 10/08/2023 19:23

Make sure you are the one claiming the child benefit and he doesn’t try anything shifty with that.

I am, but that will be another reason he wants DS

OP posts:
Junebuggirl · 13/08/2023 08:42

Sounds like you've done everything right. My advice is to keep all communication via text so you have a record. As someone who works in courts judge's always prefer for parents to sort this out themselves outside of court and then just amend the order on the day

Original poster
xx200xx · 13/08/2023 09:05

Junebuggirl · 13/08/2023 08:42

Sounds like you've done everything right. My advice is to keep all communication via text so you have a record. As someone who works in courts judge's always prefer for parents to sort this out themselves outside of court and then just amend the order on the day

The only other thing I'm worried about is we was meant to use a handover book and it says that on the court order.

However I have stopped sending one and now communicate with dad via text as grandad was using the handover book to his advantage to make unnecessary comments. I will explain this in my statement before the next hearing

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