3 year old social skills

[Allthatjazz234]

Hello, I am not really sure if this is a stupid question, if I'm being precious about my daughter or if I'm worrying for nothing but I had a situation today whereby another little girl was being mean to my daughter in playground, telling her she couldn't play with the group of kids that were all playing together and that she was a baby. The little girl was around the same age 3.5/4. Of course they are both so small but the other kids were lovely.

My daughter was very upset. I suffer massively with anxiety, specifically social anxiety. I find these situations so difficult to navigate and don't know what I am expected to do. I told her that it wasn't nice of the little girl to do that. The parents were nowhere around. I feel like because I struggle myself so bad, my social skills are really poor that I am effecting my daughter. I feel I have let her down because she hasn't been in any form of childcare since she was born. She has been home with me but is starting a preschool in a few weeks.

I suppose this is as much related to my lack of confidence and feeling like I'm letting down my daughter by not being very good socially. If I had more friends or was more approachable then maybe my daughter would have more friends. I try to do as much as I can, take her to groups and playgrounds etc.

Until she starts pre school is there any things I can do to help her develop her own social skills. She is so eager but then once she starts to get involved she looks lost. Probably exactly how I am. Feeling a bit down.

She is only 3. Many of them don't have much skill in dealing with their peers at this age. Part of learning social skills is also about understanding that sometimes people are friendly and want to play, and sometimes they don't feel like playing and she should find something else to do instead. It is so hard seeing another child be mean to your little one though.

You haven't let her down by not sending her to childcare. They don't need it at all. Going to preschool will give her the chance to mix with kids her age and get her ready for school.

I'm saying this from my experience as a mum who only sent my shy child to preschool at 3.5 and he has now just finished reception and is a very confident little boy who is really starting to blossom socially and has a nice group of friends at school.

She is not you, and will have her own personality, strengths and weaknesses. My Mum is very socially awkward and I don't recall having any play dates or child centred activities and I don't struggle socially at all.

3-year-olds are still learning! When my first DD was 3, she would go up and just stand right in front of children without saying anything, it took a while to teach her that she needed to actually say something! She's 4.5 now and definitely a lot better at social stuff, but it takes time.

Most of the time, kids learn to navigate these things by themselves, even though it really tugs on the heartstrings to hear it. I remember someone saying to my DD when she was about 2.5 and just about to start potty training - 'you're wearing a nappy! you're a baby!' on a bouncy castle and I felt like I wanted to cry for her, but DD was just like 'I am NOT a baby' and kept on bouncing. I think sometimes we overreact on their behalf and then that teaches them that what happened was a big deal when it was really just a normal social interaction between young kids. So just a breezy 'Oh dear, I guess that little girl didn't want to play, but she could have been nicer about it. Maybe someone else would like to play instead.'

Thanks so much @Clefable @ReluctantFishLady for taking the time to respond, your words made me feel much better. I go through these phases where I get very down on myself and I definitely do project onto her but I try my best to be positive and not show my anxiety but I'm sure she can sense it. Today I was very upset on her behalf that this little girl was being so mean to her. I know this sounds so stupid as its only a child. This is obviously stemming from my own past of being bullied in school.

Your posts have made me feel very relieved. I have been worried thinking I've hampered her social skills. I suppose it's a very positive thing that she will happily approach other kids and she still has time to learn. I'm excited for her to start school. And yes I agree I have to remind myself that she is not me. She is her own person with her own strengths and weaknesses.

I was wondering though is it very bad if they don't have friends at this age? She's 3.5

Honestly it's normal until they're in nursery etc. It's just parallel play mostly.

She'll start nursery and make them, I'm sure. DTwins have each other but an older boy on nursery decided they would all be friends and so, well they are. There's no skill in it. She'll be ok. Just give her lots of chances to meet kids, let her mix and figure it out so long as it's safe.

Another child yes, maybe 4 or so.