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Original poster

Childcare during labour

30 replies

Inittowinitall · 09/08/2023 09:08

I’m currently overdue with my third baby, I have 14 year old twins.
It was arranged for many months that my mum would have the twins whilst I’m in hospital giving birth, as I didn’t feel comfortable leaving them home alone and vulnerable whilst I could be there for days.
She has very kindly informed me that she can no longer have them as she has conveniently arranged for building work to begin tomorrow and will be staying with her boyfriend. I offered alternative arrangements to her, even paying for a hotel for the 3 of them, tried finding other relatives to help but no one is interested. I feel very let down and hurt, especially as I could go into labour any moment.
The twins are easy, they will just watch tv or play on their phones, there isn’t any behavioural issues or demands that would put people off, but when alone they tend to argue. Unfortunately their dad has never been involved and I have no one else to ask for help at such short notice.
Would you leave them home alone overnight if labour began in the night? I know they’d be fine in the day time but overnight worries me, the stress of not knowing what to do is making me so anxious.

OP posts:

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ApolloandDaphne · 09/08/2023 09:10

Can you arrange with some of their friends to go to them?

ApolloandDaphne · 09/08/2023 09:10

Or someone from your partners family?

Hiddenvoice · 09/08/2023 09:11

That’s a shame your mum has changed her plans, would she be able to stay in your house with the twins?
Are you close with neighbours or even chat to one of their friends and explain the situation? I’m sure friends’ parents would be understanding since it’s a one off type of thing!

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SadlyACupOfTeaDoesNotSolveEverything · 09/08/2023 09:14

I would absolutely take in my DC’s friends for a few days if needed in this situation. It’s worth asking.

Original poster

Inittowinitall · 09/08/2023 09:23

DH family all live 2/3+ hours away, no friends in a position to help either so we’re completely stuck. I don’t think my mum wants to help at all so she is making excuses. Would the hospital let us bring them? I know it’s not ideal and they’d be exhausted if it’s during the night sitting around waiting rooms, but short of leaving them home alone I don’t know what other options to consider!

OP posts:

ApolloandDaphne · 09/08/2023 09:57

If it's during the day and the hospital is big enough to have a cafe they could come with you for awhile until you see how things are progressing. The problem will be if it all happens at night. I suppose they are old enough to come with you and support you for a while until things really get going but only you can know if they would be able to cope with this.

WeWereInParis · 09/08/2023 10:09

Would you leave them home alone overnight if labour began in the night?

I read the first sentence as 14 month old twins, and read the whole OP thinking you'd lost your mind!

I don't think they can sit in the hospital all night. I paced round the hospital in the middle of the night when I was induced, and there was no one around. Labour wards don't really have waiting rooms do they, you're either in a delivery room or you're not there. I'd prefer them be at home than in a corridor by themselves.

If it's the middle of the night when you go in, I think you might have to consider your DH driving you to hospital and then going home. It's either that or leave them, and that's very dependent on the children, it's hard for others to judge whether they're mature enough.
How would they feel about being left? Would they be nervous, or fine?

CoalCraft · 09/08/2023 10:38

It sucks but if nothing else can be arranged, your husband will have to stay home with them. He could drop you off at the hospital, go home, come back when active labour is underway to be there for the actual birth, then go home again afterwards until you and baby are discharged. Of course there is a risk of him missing the main event.

Horrible situation though, OP, so sorry your mum has let you down.

CrotchetyQuaver · 09/08/2023 10:58

Oh that's dreadful of your mum. Do you have a class WhatsApp group or something, I would ask on there explaining why you're in this situation. I know I would help in this situation even if I only had room for one

CatsOnTheChair · 09/08/2023 11:06

My Mum drove 2.5 hours when I went into labour with DS2.
Would any if DHs family do that for you? Leaving the twins for a couple of hours would be fine if a family member was on their way?
Otherwise, you go in alone until your partner cam join you in the day time if that's when the teens are comfortable being left.

PuttingDownRoots · 09/08/2023 11:16

By friends you've asked .. do you mean your friends or their friends?

Its an awkward age really... not childcare age but really need an adult around for back up.

underneaththeash · 09/08/2023 11:19

No, you can’t leave them overnight alone at 14.

I’d be pointing out to your mum that she has really let you down and she shouldn’t be asking you for any favours in the future.

Oldermum84 · 09/08/2023 11:26

Do you not have a partner who can stay with them? I'm pregnant and we have a 3 year old, my DH will be staying home with him and I've asked a friend to take me to the hospital when the time comes.

KeepingKeepingOn · 09/08/2023 11:29

I advertised on my local FB group for a nanny who would be willing to be ‘on call’ for when I went into labour with DC2. Could you try that? We found a great one who came round to meet DC1 and we explained that if DC1 came downstairs one morning, and neither me nor DH were there, to go and check the guest room for the nanny. It worked really well - so well that we did it again 2 years later with the same nanny 😄

elliejjtiny · 09/08/2023 11:45

It's a tricky one. My PIL looked after my older ones but only for the actual labour/c-section. Dh had to go and pick them up a couple of hours after the birth both times which was really hard tbh. Do you live far from the hospital? Can your partner go home to check on them every couple of hours or so until you are pushing and then go back home soon after the birth? Or could you try to do most of your labour at home and then get an early discharge?

FoodFann · 09/08/2023 11:49

I’d maybe ask their friend’s parents. Do they have a best friend they could go to for a sleepover?

Overthebow · 09/08/2023 11:51

Your choices might be them being left at home or your DH staying with them at home whilst you’re giving birth. Depends on your hospital but they’ll likely be allowed in to the ward at visiting times but not for the birth (my hospital has a two birth partner only rule and no children allowed on labour wards). They can’t really hang round the hospital at night by themselves. Sorry you’re in this position, we have a similar problem with no family nearby and a toddler so whilst she can go to friends, if it all happens at night we’re a bit stuck and DH will have to stay with her.

snowdropinwinter · 09/08/2023 12:07

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This user is a troll so we have deleted their posts and threads.

WandaWonder · 09/08/2023 12:15

Is there a partner that can stay with them?

massivesalads · 09/08/2023 12:39

Do you live far from the hospital? Can't they just stay home and your DH goes home to check on them a couple times a day? You may find you have a short labour anyway and come home shortly after!

Original poster

Inittowinitall · 09/08/2023 12:42

Thanks everyone, no friends nearby as we’re new to the area. We don’t know the neighbours we’ll enough to ask them. No family willing to come down, as labour is so unpredictable it would be hard to work around sleepovers etc. I also need to go to hospital asap as I’m group b strep positive amongst other issues, so I can’t labour at home until closer to the time or have a home birth sadly. It feels like an impossible situation, I’ve had one loose offer to collect them from 8am if they are home alone overnight, but there aren’t any guarantees. The hospital is around 20 minute drive so DH could check on them regularly, but understandably he doesn’t want to miss his first childs’ birth either.

OP posts:

webster1987 · 09/08/2023 13:11

Am I the only one thinking two 14 year old girls are quite likely to be able to manage? I certainly was at that age

RedRobyn2021 · 09/08/2023 13:14

Your mum sounds like a piece of work OP, I'm so sorry

Can they stay with their friends from school?

Perfect28 · 09/08/2023 13:15

Is homebirth an option?

RagzRebooted · 09/08/2023 13:28

webster1987 · 09/08/2023 13:11

Am I the only one thinking two 14 year old girls are quite likely to be able to manage? I certainly was at that age

No, I was thinking this too but clearly in the minority.
OP did say they argue, but I expect when left alone in a slightly dramatic situation and expected to responsible, they will likely step up to the challenge and be perfectly fine.
You've got mobile phones and will only be 20 mins away.

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