Pyjama day - acceptable or not?

[SimSam]

Hi all
I need a sanity check / advice. Apologies if this seems like a lot of background info.

We're on a stay at home holiday - because 15 yr old is v sick with eating disorder and other MH struggles which meant we couldn't book holiday. Situation became serious about 4 weeks ago ....in last 2 weeks i haven't been able to take 13 yr old DS out.

His friends are all away. I mean all. Family doesn't live close.

So he's gamed 3 hours a day, watched tv prob 2-3 hours s day and done not a lot else in his bedroom. I have been getting him to be downstairs with me playing board games 1-2 times a day, 30-45 min a go.

He understands his sister is not well. We are waiting for a space for her in an patient clinic - prob next 2 weeks.

Is it ok to let him game do much? He wants to have pyjamas day- not get dressed, is this ok? He's asking not as a sign of depression.

I know right now we're doing our best. DH works full time. He's helping lot and is v worried by situation. Life's not perfect. Compromises are ok.But I feel sh£&" like I'm letting DS down. Is pj day terrible!

Be kind. I'm asking because my brain can't take any my more thought.

That is very stressful.for you all and I hope your DD gets seen soon. I think a pj day is fine, tbh. But if there is such illness in the house I would very definitely expect your DH to take some kind of leave and either take DS out or away somewhere for a day or night, or he takes care of DD and you go with DS away for a short trip, doesnt have to be nights away, just a change in environment.

My eldest son stays in his underwear all day (teenager) he occasionally wears an oodie my ten year old wears nothing except a blanket clothing is for the outside world (and it saves on washing)

I think you do what's best for your family through very challenging times. If he's getting out for a bit of a break and still having opportunities to speak about his feelings then this is fine. But make sure he has 1:1 time with a parent to be able to speak about his feelings and how he is coping with what he is seeing his sister going through. It can be hard as a sibling where ED is involved as you want to look after the other and can neglect your own wellbeing.

Also maybe when your DH is home at the weekends look at trying to get some time out of the house even if brief for something he might want to do just to have a change of environment.

It sounds like you are doing your best in an incredibly difficult situation and don't forget about self care for you as parents (I know this can feel impossible but you guys need to stay well too). It doesn't have to be like big things, even if it's just checking in with each other when children are asleep, having time to vent, cry, whatever is needed.

Hope things start to improve for your daughter, I know it probably feels impossible but it can get better.

An occasional pyjama day is fine. It's only if it is the default not to get dressed that I would be concerned.

You have a lot of worry going on.

I also have a child with MH issues but not quite the severity of the situation you are dealing with. I know how difficult it is to try and balance the needs of all the children.

Is it possible to go out of the house later in the day when your DH is home? An evening swim, bike ride or walk? A trip to the cinema or bowling?

I'd be trying to at least do some non house activities and to try and get him doing something physical at least a few times a week.

I hope the situation with your daughter improves soon.

It sounds hard , a few days or weeks won't hurt.
He will be back at school soon.
Can one of you take him out while the other one stays with your daughter ?
Can your husband take any crisis leave ? Or annual leave?

Just do what you all need to cope.
Is it possible for your H to have a day off and take your son out though?
Illness of any kind is hard on all the family and it would be great if he could have a break - of course you need one too but if that’s not possible then it would be nice if he could

If I am not going out I stay in my pjs all day 🙂
Could you find something new that he hasn’t done before that he can do at home - like building Airfix models, learning to knit, read a new genre of books or something.
It would still be giving him a new experience but can be done at home. You don’t have to leave the house to get new and fun experiences.
Hope your daughter’s recovery goes well 💐

Nothing wrong with a pj day. Different if it comes from a place of depression where not getting dressed or washed is the norm, but if just chilling in the house then it's absolutely fine in my opinion.

I was in a very similar situation eight years ago. DD1 was in the midst of a MH crisis. She was 13 and her sister 9.
The only way I could cope was by DH taking time off and taking DD2 to his mothers.
It was heartbreaking but she was far too young to see her sister going through it.
I appreciate your DC are older, so if it's not possible for your DH to be more present then you are doing amazingly well.
Prioritise your DC1.
I'm sure DC2 is loving having endless time in their room, what teenager wouldn't 😂
You're making time for him which is a lot more than I was able to do.
You're doing an incredible job in such a hard situation.
Your DC are so lucky to have you and hope you're looking after yourself 💐

Of course he can have a PJ day. Or two. Just say, that's fine but it's because DSis is unwell. Normally I'd want you to have more fun and get out and about.

Can you get him involved in some other at-home projects that aren't gaming? Can you redecorate his room to give it a more teenage feel, and he can help build furniture, paint walls and choose accessories.

Can you get him a pull up bar for his door and set him some physical challenges for press ups and pull ups.

Can you make summer bucket list of life skills he will acquire by end of summer, eg knowing how to make a good pasta sauce, how to mend a bike puncture, wash a car, clean muddy boots, plant something from seed etc.

Could he get a mini project out of the house that earns him a bit, maybe caring for neighbours pets while they go on holiday?

I'm so sorry about your DD. That must be incredibly draining for all of you. I hope you can add a few small uplifts to every day in the form of favourite music, a good audio book, long bath, feeding birds and watching them etc. And above all, I hope she gets the help she needs.

Thanks all. I was nervous to post but couldn't process this alone.

DH is really involved. He's had to take days off work sporadically and had crisis leave last month. He really needs to work now - he's only earner and that is a big burden for him at moment. The situation has hit us all hard and we both struggle with our current reality - at diff times thankfully, so we're managing.

I'm hoping tomorrow night DH can take DS to movies so they get some time together.

Today we're going to embrace pjs

This was my teenage son every summer holiday! I didn’t feel any guilt. He was a high flyer academically and was a good lad. Why not game if that’s what floats their boat and gives you the respite you need while you’re preoccupied?

Absolutely fine to have a pj day. As ds is older can you encourage him to go for a walk, give him money to go to cinema etc just so he is not stuck inside the whole time? Days of gaming and TV sounds lime my eldest idea of a perfect day though, so as long as he is happy enough, don't worry.

Does he sit and eat his dinner with everyone with just pants on? Everyday?

It sounds like you’re doing just what needs to be done in this very difficult time

Yes, anything that is engaging them I would embrace. We do backwards day every now and again, dinner at breakfast time etc kids used to love it.

A pyjama day is absolutely fine.

We're on a stay at home holiday

Do you mean this week, or you are staying at home all 6 weeks of the summer holiday? The odd pyjama day is fab and really sensible if your family has got a lot going on at the moment. I wouldn’t want a 13 year old to be gaming in his pyjamas all summer though!

It’s fine. In due course, if you have the capacity to encourage him to have a 20 minute walk/bike ride then that might make you feel a bit better about it. Or a YouTube workout.