Does the urge for another baby ever go away? Is it time for DH to have the snip?

[laura032004]

I know this has been done a hundred times before, but...

To those of you, who aren't having any more children, does the urge for another ever go away? I certainly don't have it all of the time - it was all consuming before conceiving DS1, and pretty noticeable with no. 2, but now it's a much quieter thing, but still there.

I have 2 DS's, and always wanted a girl. I'm fairly much resigned to not having one (DH adamantly against), but it's still a dream. However, my desire not to go through the last two years again is stronger than my desire for a baby girl, hence, I'm not that bothered. I had a really hard time with DS2 (health problems, gastric reflux, bad sleep...), and I don't think I can do it again. If he'd been an easy baby, I'd probably be much more keen for a third.

DH is contemplating having the snip. Not sure if he will as he's a wimp, especially when thinking about that sort of thing. However, we're not using any contraception when we have sex other than the withdrawal method, and although that has worked fine for us for the last 10 years, I don't think he wants to tempt fate any longer.

I'm not sure I'm in the right place for him to be having it though. Is it quite normal to still feel like I do when your OH has the snip, or should we wait until I know for definite that I don't want any more. I know DH definitely doesn't, but if I desperately did, I could convince him.

Any thoughts welcomed

I would wait until you are absolutely definite.

My dh had the snip about 6 weeks after we had our dd2. (mutual decision).

We both knew for definite that we didn't want any more children. Almost every day of the pregnancy (I had hyperemesis twice) and even during labour I kept reminding him that I didn't want any more, and he agreed. We are fortunate I know in that a) we agreed and b)he was prepared to go and have it done.

We have had NO regrets. In fact the opposite - he is due to have his "levels" (!) checked again soon and both of us will be relieved when we don't have to mess about with condoms.

fwiw I don't think we/he would have gone through with it unless we were both certain. Also he had quite a new procedure that it is impossible or almost impossible to reverse. I think that they burn/cauterise the relevant bits rather than "snipping" so he needed to be sure as there was no going back.

I think you're not ready. You need to be totally sure and happy about it and you even say in your post - "should we wait until I know for definite".... yes, you should!

If you are unsure now, I think time will give you your answer; as your youngest child grows you may feel you do want another, or you may become convinced you never want to go back there! I am a mum of one and utterly happy with that decision, but when ds was five it suddenly struck me that IF I wanted another, now would be the time; for the first time I felt I would enjoy another and I had never had that feeling before.

So I think it's quite possible, in view of how you feel now, that you'll become more convinced you do want another.

Equally could go the other way, of course; but better to wait I tihnk

doesn't have to be all or nothing either as in Withdrawal method or the Snip - use something else for now to give him that feeling of security and to buy you some time?

I think the pill/coil might be a better option for you until you are definite.

My best friend's DH had the snip last weekend and she is feeling pretty low about it at the moment even though they have 4 children, all Caesarians, so she knows she cannot physically have any more on health grounds. She says it's a feeling of loss of control even though her DH is very relieved.

I've got 3 dss. I didn't plan to get pregnant last time, but it was difficult not to hope for a girl once I knew I was. The pressure from other people during the pregnancy and the sense of having disappointed them (not us, because he's gorgeous) when he arrived was just horrible. I think I will always feel sad about not having a girl but there are no guarantees unless you adopt. We are in limbo contraception wise ourselves as DH doesn't want the snip and I'm a bit of a wimp about the coil hurting.

Good luck.

I think you need to wait.

I was unsure after having my second baby. As soon as I fell pregnant with my third I knew absolutely that I didn't want anymore. My dh had the snip six months after ds2 was born.

Having said that my youngest is 5 this year and I look longingly at new little babies. I know I don't want anymore but the idea that the baby part of my life is over is a bit sad. I think mums will always be a bit clucky.

Thanks for all of those replies. I think perhaps you've summed it up well mymama, I don't want anymore, but I'm sad that I'll never have another lovely tiny baby. I really like babies, and having easily bf two already, it's a happy time for me. I'm on the verge of stopping bfing DS2 (20m), so perhaps I'm starting to think, hmmm, this will be it, and I'll have two boys, and no babies any more.

We've got condoms, it's just that DH is too lazy to use them, and since I'm a bit ambivalent about another baby, I'm not that bothered either. Can't take the pill due to past blood pressure/ migraine problems, and like evie99, I'm a bit of a wimp about the idea of a coil!

I would wait. We said we wanted no more after our ds's were born and thought about the snip. Decided to wait and see and we now have 2 dd's.

He has had the snip now and while we both agreed at the time to have it done he cried like a baby afterwards and we do occasionaly wonder if he hadn't had it done if we would have no 5 by now