Shouting at DC when misbehaving

[Starlight788]

My DH is a good and loving dad, and normally quite patient but I’m just a bit unsure if this is right as I don’t like it and don’t think it’s helping.

My DC is 15 months and our first child, obviously now starting to push boundaries with touching things he shouldn’t etc, throwing food at mealtimes sometimes, basically being a baby/toddler and my husband thinks it’s a good idea to shout ‘NO’ really loud or shout his name whenever this happens. It doesn’t stop DC from doing it, he just looks back and then keeps going to do it.

I don’t shout, I say no firmly or just move him/put the thing away.

I’ve told DH to just move his stuff out the way so DC won’t touch it and he won’t, and thinks shouting is the best way to deal with it but I don’t agree.

im worried the harsh tone will have an effect on our child, or am I wrong? no other issues apart from this, I’m a bit surprised as DH never shouted until recently so I’m finding it quite hard to be around, it’s not all the time but most days once or twice.

any advice please.

Your child isn’t misbehaving they are exploring and learning because that is how babies develop. In fact is impossible for such a young chid to deliberately misbehave.
Your DH is being a dick and needs to move his things and maybe do some reading around child development. At this age distraction works wonders.

DH needs to do some research on parenting methods and you need to be on the same page

He's a first time dad.. this is a key stage where he needs to read around developmental stages of a child at this age, otherwise he is in for seriously bumpy ride, if, simply throwing food triggers him.

Ask him to consider what his own childhood was like - a lot of parents default to how they were parented, even if they didn't like it at the time. My husband tends to do the same as yours, can be very authoritarian with a loud 'no' and with unrealistic expectations of our three year old, but admits his own dad was this way and when pressed says he found his dad cold and distant because of this. Maybe start that chat with him and see if it resonates?

To paraphrase a parenting coach I saw on Instagram, "acknowledge the storm but chase the rainbow". My husband liked the logic behind this - maybe yours will too? Basically set a boundary if behaviour warrants it (not punishment, or shouting, but a consequence of behaviour such as getting child to pick up food if they drop it) but then immediately shift focus to them and their language of fun and play; they respond much better to that and will strengthen their bond too. My husband and I now have a code word "rainbow" if he gets too triggered by challenging behaviour and he defaults to loud voice / sternness. It helps us. Hope that helps you!

My dh was also like that. He did actually listen to me though and stopped shouting.