Do you have to talk to your kid after they saw a dead body?

[oldersister]

Hi. I'm not really a mom, I'm an older sister, but kind of a mom. And my 14 y.o. brother saw a dead body today. It wasn't funerals or anything. Could this cause some kind of trauma? Should I discuss it with him? What should I say? When I was a child I dealt with everything by myself, so I can't really look back and see what were my parents doing in this kind of situation. Thanks to all the moms.

I think context really matters here. Was it in a museum or had he witnessed an accident or similar? I would think at 14 he would have come to terns with the concept of death so seeing a mummy or sonething like that in an educational environment should be OK. A traumatic situation is different and might require help.

Is he showing any effects afterwards? Is he particularly sensitive or phobic of death?

Sorry for not elaborating. There was a missing girl in the city where we live and he happened to find her. I wouldn't say he's oversensitive or any of that, just a kid with empathy. I don't know much about kids to be sure that 14 is old enough to cope with that kind of thing.

Yes you definitely need to talk to him about this - and make sure he knows he can bring it up any time.

I think finding a dead body would be traumatic for anyone, regardless of their age, but yes, I think it would be pretty scary for a 14 year old.

If they discovered the body, presumably the police were then involved? It might be a good idea to contact them and see if they have anyone one their team who is experienced with this and could support you and your brother.

That sounds incredibly traumatic to have found a body, yes he needs someone to talk to and I would ask the police if they offer or could recommend support/therapy?

Do you have a parent or guardian or is it just you and your brother?

He discovered the remains of a missing person. I'd definitely arrange some councilling for him. I'm a grown woman and coming across that would affect me.

I would say that listening is more useful than talking. If you can just be a willing pair of ears to anything he does say that will help. Don’t judge - even if he says something harsh or shocking. And don’t panic if he has big emotions.

If you think of a river flowing, trauma is a blockage. If the memories and emotions come out a bit at a time as they occur, the river just flows on.

A good opener is something as simple as asking “what happened?” and just hearing the story. Actually sorting memory into a narrative story sequence is an important psychological process. Showing interest and curiousity (eg what was it like) in the details will be far more helpful to him than if you approach it as a big psychological issue.

hth

In this context you need professional support, this is potentially very distressing. (If it was an elderly person who had a heart attack on the bus it's a lot less distressing long term in my opinion. )

For something like that I would hope that there would be some kind of support via the police.

I agree about support from the police. You should definitely ask about that, especially if your brother has to be formally interviewed about the circumstances under which he found the body etc.

When I was 18, I found a body with my younger brother and his friend. It was traumatic. I'm 54 now and it still crosses my mine occasionally. The man was young, in his teens, but in the middle of committing a crime. He had a horrible death. Our parents and schools were very supportive as were the police at the time. We were also supported through giving evidence at the inquest.

He's 14, he's a child, I can't imagine that this wouldn't be a traumatic event for him. So yes I'd make sure he was supported and could talk about it. Will the police not offer any assistance with this? I don't know where you are but we had some excellent help from Victim Support.

You’re a beautiful big sister. Ask the police for some help xx