When is a good age to talk to your child about sex, and what do you say?

[neighbour]

My son is 8.

He's been asking questions.

I've tried to ascertain how much he knows (from the playground etc) and it seems to be very little, if anything at all.

Suggestions?

I try and answer questions honestly.

DD1 is 8, and we've talked about periods and getting pregnant over the past few weeks, usually on the way home from school, so fairly casually.

I'm looking for a book we can look at together, if anyone can recommend one.

Oh crikey tell him! Why would you not tell him?

I would tell a child of any age that asked me. I would give as much information as they asked for in a way that was appropriate to their age.

But what's appropriate to his age?

He's specifically been asking about erections. (He noticed that he gets them.) I gave him a very scientific answer about blood being pumped into the penis.

That seemed age-appropriate--but maybe I should have used the opportunity to talk about the ACT of sex.

But I do think there's also a danger in discussing things before they're ready. So that's the advice I need: he has't specifically asked about SEX, but do I just tell him all about it anyway?

Understand your dilhema neighbour, I told my dd (8) when I realised her best friends had already had the 'talk'. She wasn't really asking questions but I decided to be pro-active.

Tried to be very matter of fact and told her the mechanics - but put in the context of loving partners who want a baby.

Not sure if I did the right thing, but it didn't seem to have any negative impact.

I think it is a mistake to turn it into a big TALK tbh
I would just answer his questions but to talk about erections and not mention sex is not really answering the question tbh!
I think relying on the playground isn't a great idea and in which case I think we need to supply our children with better information than they can get from their friends, without embarrassment!

But it sounds like a contradiction: to not turn it into a big Talk and yet to go into the whole "talk" just because he asked about erections. itt seems to me that if you talk about the mechanics of sex it's automatically a Big Talk.

So what I'm asking is; is a not-so-sophisticated and socially immature 8-year-old at the right age to get a Talk? And as hellish asked, should one be pro-active about it?

(I agree that relying on the playground would be awful.)

well, erections are to enable the male to insert his penis into the woman, to fertilise her eggs with sperm

I don't think you can really answer a question about erections without explaining that

he IS asking about sex - he may not know that he is, because he is sexually unaware, but the question he is asking, needs an explanation of the sexual act to get a proper answer

so I would say that this is a good age to talk to him about sex - he is asking questions that can't be answered properly without doing so

I think straightforward and simple explanations are appropriate for any age.

I think DS is going to be a gynacologist. He's asked all the questions and he's only 4.

I don't think he believed the answers though!

but you aren't going into the whole talk, if you just answer his question honestly.
if you just treat it as another question like any other, and just be as natural about it as possible.
has he not asked you before, have you not brought the subject up before? does he know where babies come from? can you link it to previous discussions?
I would say that sex/relationships are the kind of thing that need to be part of an ongoing discussion/dialogue rather than kept separate. they are just part of life, and if you try and turn them into a big deal then you make them taboo and embarrassing and make it less likely your ds will come and ask you again, tbh.
I think you have to act like it's no big deal.
this is what happens when you are an adult, you have an erection and if you are in a relationship you make love to/ have sex with your partner and it gives you both pleasure, and then you can go onto explain about reproduction/sperm/fertilisation.

and I agree you don't need to make a huge deal out of it - you can explain this quite simply and briefly and then leave it up to him as to whether he has any more questions, just as you would with any other subject he might be interested in

eg:

ds: mum what is happening when my willy gets bigger and sticks up?

Mum: well you know when adults get together and make a baby, the man needs to put the seed into the woman. She has an egg inside her and it joins together with the seed to make the beginning of a baby. The man's penis needs to stick out like that so that he can put the seed into the woman - he puts it in with his penis. Obviously you are not going to make any babies yet! But when you are older, your body will be able to. Your willy is just practising now, for when you're an adult. Don't worry about it, it happens to all boys.

you might then get questions about where does the man put the seed into the woman, how does the baby grow, why does it feel funny / nice when he gets an erection, etc etc

or you may get "Oh."

He will ask more when he is ready to. But the above does answer his question without giving loads of information he may not be ready for.

its all ok till you get the how does the willy get the seed in

imo

yes it is a bit of a crunch moment isn't it

I think deep breathing and a sense of humour will help

really?
that's the easy part, surely.
the sperm is made in the testicles/balls/ whatever cutesy word you mothers of son use
the man makes love to the woman
and then the man has an orgasm and the seed shoots into the woman.

Yes, ds1 (6) has been asking questions recently and so far knows that men's willies contain special seeds which Mummies need to mix with the eggs in their bodies to make a baby. We answer any question he's got - so far he hasn't asked how the seed meets the egg - and as in our case it involved youghurt pots and syringes, I'm quite glad..!

But when he asks, we'll tell him. He's already an expert on periods of course, having 2 mummies..!

what doe smake love mean

i foudn it easier doing it tot teenagers when i taught tbh
and will ahevto again next term

I can't say make love
I just can't

you'll have to talk me through it in the manner of 'vulva' HC

i ifnd thinking baout it and planning is detrimental .

it smuch easier when t hey are little too eps afetr ds3 was bron

then things go quiet and you ahev a 10 year old to face

well I wouldn't say make love either, I was just translating for mumsnetty foofoo willy front bits land.
I would say "have sex".
I would say the penis goes into the vagina.
Then I would probably suggest I put the tv on and find an episode of the Simpsons [grin

Having sex was the bit DS didn't believe. LOL.

yes lol re simpsons

we were reading abook abotu selling ones honour etc the other night
what does "give her honour" mean?
i said "hmm i think to have sex ds1"

ds2 re football

" i ahve hit the ball into georges penis mummy"

yes dd1 was a bit sceptical tbh
it is a pretty unlikely story

HC - the current word of choice for testicles with ds's is 'nuggets'...[Hmm]

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Thanks,
MN Towers

I went on a really good sure start course about talking to children of all ages about sex. Might be worth finding out if ones being run in your area.

It was hilarious, first session we had to talk about our own knowledge, names of parts of the body, different sexual acts. Was shocked at how little some parents knew.