Ok, talk to me about poo, pants and refusing to go on the loo....

[HonorMatopoeia]

Sorry, I know it's been done to death and I promise I have looked at the other threads, but I can't find the elusive answer in there (beginning to think there might not be one!) DD1 is 3.1 and has just about mastered weeing when and where she should, but refuses to poo on the loo or potty. A couple of times she has asked for a nappy but usually she just does it in her pants.
Having just cleaned up yet another mess I'm starting to go loopy. She doesn't seem to poo at the same time of day so I can't guess when she's likely to go and pop her on the loo. Any similar experiences and advice? Any help would be much appreciated
PS - DH reckons he's got the answer but I still hold to the fact that a cork up the bum is not good parenting!

hello me dear!

Have you tried stickers/star charts? This worked wonders with DS when we potty/toilet trained him last spring/summer. Mind you, he'll do anything for a reward!

Also he didn't like the toilet seat we had so I tried another (with handles on the side) which he was happier with -I think he felt safer being able to hold on. Could it be that she doesn't feel safe or comfortable.

Final suggestion -some fun toilet and potty books. Theres a really good book called The Story of the Little Mole Who Knew It was None of His Business (all about another animal pooing on his head....yes, honestly). Books like this take the scariness and fear of the unknown away from pooing IME.

Hi there!
We have general sticker charts but not a specific one for pooing - good idea, she's a sucker for a reward too!

We have one of those squidgy seats with handles but she doesn't really like it and often takes it off to sit on the proper seat.

The book sounds fantastic (if a little surreal!) will amazon it. Thanks for your help, how are you and yours?

We're well thanks.

DD has a busier social life than me -its a constant round of clubs and parties when you're 8.

DS is experiencing volume control problems but I gather thats the norm for 3 yr old boys. .

Just a thought -do you have the Little Princess book "I want my potty" ? If not I'll see if we've still got ours and you can have it.

take her pants off at home and make her wear skirts so she can't hide he fact that she is doing it...? and watch her like a hawk...

Hi, I have no solutions other than those already offered, and I have tried them all and still my dts pooh every where,if not in nappies.
So all I can say is, that you are not alone. Dt2 I haven't even tried with him for ages as he seems much less of a good canditate so concentrated all my efforts on dt1. He is fine with the wee but like your dd, the pooh is a different matter. He will do a pooh in the potty in the morning when we sit him in front of the tv and basically catch his morning one.. But after that we don't know when, but we know where in his pants, or on the floor

I have just put him back in nappies again, so my advice is, if all the above don't work try again later.
He is 3.4

I find a chocolate treat as a reward for a succesful poo on the loo has worked quite well (though we are now at the stage where we are going to have to break it to her that this chocolate treat business will shortly be coming to an end!)

I know what you mean, Dd1 is 3 and has mass volume issues! We're also having the party circuit at the moment, last weekend we had some free tome but we're right back this weekend!
We do have the potty book somewhere, will have to find where she's hidden it!

Prehaps not what you wanted to hear, but dd1 was dry in the day at 2.2 but it was over a year later that she would poo on the toilet/potty. Luckily, hers were not of the loose variety!
We tried reward charts, stickers, bribery, god know what but nothing worked. If we left her without pants she became very distressed so in the end we just let it happen so to speak! Took lots of nappy bags and clean pants everywhere (and threw loads away too, thanks to Asda for cheap knickers!).
Good luck!

Ooops, sorry ladies, I missed your posts!
DDF - I'm having problems with the hawk business as DD2 is only 4 months and going through a 'scream if you put me down' phase'! I fear the no pants may therefore just lead to Mummy walking out and DH returning to find 2 girls and a lot of poo
Overrun - I feel your pain and share it!
Orangina - Like the choc reward, DD1 loves chocolate! Maybe that and a reward chart....

Ah yes madamy, cheap knickers! Feel a trip to Asda coming on this weekend. But, OMG a year....[big thump as HMP falls on the floor in a dead faint and experiences disturbing poo visions]

mm, it was rather faint inducing at times! Mind you, your dd is older and I prehaps think that dd1 was just too immature physically.
I rally hope we don't have the same with dd2 - she's 2.5 now and looks at me with horror if I mention toilets/potty etc - she's perfectly happy in a nappy thanks very much . Her poos are a whole different ball game [yuck face]!

reward chart of interest to dd for about a day, after that she didn't give a damn. But choclate.... well, that's been going on for quite a few months now (cadburys mini eggs currently a seasonal favourite, having taken over from christmas choclate coins....)

We nearly gave up last week - weeing was fine but poos just really stressed her and she wouldn't sit down. It didn't help that we probably started too early, in retrospect (2.0).

Anyway this week is better. She can now do poos on the potty when she's happy and relaxed. This usually means she gets the "urge" when she's having fun in the bath!

We tried stickers/star charts. We found it too complicated so we reverted to a chocolate button for every potty visit. Works very nicely for us. Choc buttons are good 'cos they're so small. A packet will last a week.

Good luck!

I have just potty trained our little girl and at first she held on to her poos to avoid doing them in the pot. She knew she didnt want dirty pants nor a nappy so she held on to them. I gave her lots of fruit and watched her like a hawk. When I eventually caught one, although I was already doing the applause/sticker/smartie reward thing, I went really overboard when she did a poo. Admired it, showed it to all the family etc etc (like a mad woman) and kept going on how clever she was. She went with me and we put it into the toilet and waved bye bye , then, coincidentally her brother did a poo on his potty chair, which she inspected then demanded it go the same place as hers.

All this sounds a bit mad but it seemed to get her over a sort of poo phobia. She still seems to poo less often now, but doesnt seem to be actively withholding it.

Some children poo better on a potty which is close to the ground as the crouching helps. Others do better in a chair type potty so their bottom isnt in contact with anything that is excreted. A lot of young children find the water and sheer size of a real toilet daunting though.

Keep at it, youll get there.

I"ve been having this problem with my 3 1/2 DD for the last four months or so. It was driving my COMPLETELY bananas. Rewards, reminding, books on the loo - nothing worked. I went to have a chat to the deputy head of my DD's nursery and we hatched a plan. It worked so well that that the problem resolved itself overnight. Really. We've had a relapse when we went away for a week which led to me being cross again,but I've just gone back to "the plan" and once again immediate success. First poo today in loo for three weeks.

OK, this is what we did. It might not work for you because your circumstances might be different. I admit I was sceptical of it working for us, but it really did. Incidentally, DD wasn't constipated at all and the issues hadn't started around a period of constipation. I think this would make a difference in how the issue should be approached.

1. I stopped giving any reminders about going to the loo. Absolutely none - very difficult to do! I completely left it up to DD to make her own decision.
2. I started saying, in a very casual and relaxed way, "Mummy and Daddy do poos in the loo, all the children at nursery do poos in the loo and you need to do poos in the loo to".

After a day of this, she did her first poo in the loo for four months. I fell over backwards. There were one or two accidents over the next few days.

3. If she pooed in her pants, I waited for her to come and tell me. (Previously I had pointed it out to her.) I then said "Let me know when you want to come and get changed" and walked away. This was to get rid of the usual game where DD ran away while I try to get her changed.
4. She now has to help to clean herself up i.e. she helps to pull pooey pants and trousers off, and cleans herself with wipes. I ignore her as much as possible and get on with cleaning yucky pants. I don't comment at all, although do help a bit to get her clean at the end. I don't give her any praise for wiping herself but am not nasty at all. It's all just very matter of fact.
5. I give her new pants and trousers and let her get dressed by herself. Again no praise but no nastiness.

Throughout I try to maintain a zen like calm!

It was only while dealing with pooey pants in the method I descibed above, that I realised how much attention she had been getting from me previously when she pooed in her pants. Previously I really thought I was giving her lots of praise for doing the right thing and ignoring when things were going wrong, but I just wasn't. I was cleaning her up through gritted teeth and making lots of cross, annoyed comments. Also, reminding her lots and lots, which of course meant she know exactly which buttons to press when she wanted my attention.

Really hope this helps.

That sounds like a brilliant method. Ive mentally filed it away just in case.