Why do I feel guilty about not taking children out often enough?

[Loulou560]

Hi
I realised after reading some forum topics that it feels like the norm to do something with your children/ take them out every single day.
I’ve got a 5 month old and 20 month old. I run my own business (thankfully quite flexible), my DP and I share childcare, as we have no family to help us out regularly. The 20 month old goes to nursery two half days a week. I also have other responsibilities with my Dad, with health issues, who’s on his own after losing my mother.
I am worn out and DP sometimes has health issues which mean I have to do everything for everyone.
When I read about people stressing out about thinking of different activities to do with their children constantly, it makes me feel inadequate. I cannot do that. My little girl enjoys nursery a couple of half days a week, and when the weather’s nice we’re in the garden a lot playing. Other than that, it’s the odd trip to the shops when I have the energy to assemble a double buggy, or a quick walk somewhere (we do live in a nice area for this). At home, we play with toys (although the dog tends to eat everything), a bit every day, and I encourage her to ‘help me’ when I’m cooking or cleaning. Sometimes though, I’m so worn out I put the telly on a few times a day. Whilst I do interact with this (song along, copy them), this is another things I feel that I’d be judged for.
I suppose I’d like ideas or some reassurance that I’m doing everything I can.

OP, at 20 months, they wouldn’t remember any trips in the long term anyway! As long as they are enjoying the garden and have some toys and a fair slice of your time and attention, they don’t need dragged round the local attractions. Plenty of time for all that when they are old enough to enjoy it properly.
I didn’t do much in the way of trips until mine were 4 and 3 years respectively. And even then, it was mostly walks in the local forests, hills and beaches. I did take them swimming, but didn’t do all the soft play centres/play dates etc that seem de rigeur nowadays.

It's fine. I take mind out each day for a walk because it tired them out so they go to bed on time. We certainly don't do an "outing" every day. This last week we have only really all got out at the same time once and we have had LOTS of TV/chill time as we've had a virus running through the 3 children so one or two have been too ill to do anything each day.

There's no need to feel guilty if everyone is happy and healthy.

I used to take mine out because I found it easier than staying at home. I ran out of ideas very quickly inside the house and outside made the time go quicker. I guess it is the opposite for you.

I agree with a pp, I find it easier and less stressful to take mine out than to set up activities at home and have loads to tidy. And it does take a lot of energy, which I only have because I'm a sahm so I don't have a job competing for my time. And I have a bigger age gap because I knew I'd find a small gap too difficult to manage. Personally I did find mine loved going to local attractions and different places, even at 20m, but if they're not used to it they won't know any different.

To be honest the biggest reason I take my DC out is to run off energy/prevent the arguing which only really started from 2/2.5 onwards. If I’m really honest too I find playing at home a bit boring so I’d rather go out and engage with them through that. What you’re doing sounds more than fine.

As others have mentioned, I take mine out a fair bit as I find its easier to keep her entertained out than at home. I went out every day until new baby arrived. Either a toddler group with led session and stay and play, a free lower end toddler stay & play, walks and playground several times a week.

Was just doing 1 playgroup, local playground trips and garden since baby came along tbh. Now have a 3 month and 19 month old. Toddler is at nursery 2 full days a week. I just started going to a mums coffee meet (where there's a toy corner) purely for adult conversation!

I have an 18 months old who attends nursery a few days a week. I also work from home (writing up my PhD). My husband works a lot and his grandfather who has dementia lives with us. We have no family here, our friends don't have children so we have no help. Our days similar to yours.
I don't care about judgement. If soome finds it strange that my child is infront of the tv sometimes than they more than welcome to come and help! Of course, noone offers help, only judgement!

If they are happy just pottering around at home enjoy it! This stage won't last for long and you will have to think of ways to keep them entertained soon enough.

I took mine out every day as I found it easier than coming up with ways to keep them happy at home. I did lots of playgroups, playpark, little walks near the house. Maybe a proper "outing" swimming or something once a week.

I took mine out more for my own sanity to be honest! Of course enjoyment, fun and enrichment activities are important for children but we are all human and can only do what we can do. If they're safe, loved, fed and happy enough pottering about the house for now I wouldn't worry, just do what you can. Also remember that for little ones it doesn't have to be a long, expensive and tiring day out to be enjoyable, most enjoy going shopping and other stuff you have to do anyway.

I try to get mine outdoors every day, but that can be in the garden. I actually cut down the number of groups etc we were going to as my two year old never got a decent time to just play in the house! So we now do two or three activities/ groups a week and one or two outings to a beach/ soft play/ special park (we have a park very close by that we do go to most days but I don't count that as an outing) etc. That gives us a balance that works. I don't think you should worry about what other people do - you need to get the right balance for your family.

So long as the children are clean, fed and happy then I really wouldn’t worry. My DCs were happy having a picnic in the garden or in a nearby park or on the living room floor if it was wet, really simple things that didn’t cost anything. I didn’t have the money to be going out all the time.
We were lucky that we lived in the countryside and could do lovely local walks, or pond dipping or blackberry picking when they were older. Keep it simple OP, especially when they’re so young.

I honestly didn't realise until Mumsnet that there existed young children who were happy to "chill" and "potter" at home all day. Mine are still - at 6 and 4 - a nightmare if we attempt that.

When they were little, we would do playground, playgroup or library type outings every day.

But nothing wrong with it as long as they aren't just stuck in front of a screen the whole day

I took mine out when I had a free day because I liked a change of scene and to get out and get some fresh air. I only had a small garden and we had a lot of nice parks nearby (5 in fact). Sometimes it was to meet friends with kids and then we'd come back to whomever's house for tea.

Of course if the weather was horrible we would stay home and do crafts or games or we might go to an indoor play centre or swimming.

Not flash stuff - nearby places. I guess it was also driven by who I am - I like to be out and about and to see friends. I'm like that without kids.

Going off point here but what about the dog you mention? Do they not get walked every day?

I'm the same as many of the other posters. The only reason I take mine out is because I find it much easier and less stressful than being at home with them.

Do what works for you though. There's no pressure at all do think of fun things to do everyday. They won't remember it! X

I hated going out with my 3 - I found everything either boring (parks), stress inducing (avoiding dog shit and hazards) or infuriating (other people’s children pushing and shoving) etc. So we would stay at home a lot, and I basically left them to play with the tv on all day. I felt huge guilt about it.

They are all young adults now and regularly talk about what an idyllic childhood they had. I’m amazed really as I was definitely a ‘benign neglect’ mother but the only thing they moan about is being taken to ‘boring museums and castles’.

Please don’t beat yourself up.

Each to their own with this I think. I can't imagine anything worse than being in the house all day, even though we have a nice garden! We usually go out morning and afternoon. Different approaches for different people, no guilt required. You do you, I'm sure you're a wonderful mum :)

I just find it so expensive to do things. Even a free thing involves transport, lunch / snacks... I do have to get them out every day but can't possibly do 'days out' regularly.

I think a lot is personal preference. I like to go out most days, DH is happy at home. Your DC are very young. A trip to the shop is an outing! 'Helping' clean the kitchen can be great learning.

Only if you want to make a lot of mumsnetters very cross. I’ve just discovered taking your children to the shops for an outing is the height of weirdness / selfishness / uncouthness apparently.

Haha true! I think it's just about OK though as long as you don't take another adult. Then you can pretend you had no-one to look after the kids and it's not because they love riding in the trolley, going on the escalator and scanning things at the self checkout!

My first was in nursery 4 days a week at 20 months, and on her day off was usually tired and happy to stay at home. Now she's 3 and I would say for the last 6 months she needs to be taken out. Doesn't have to be an "outing" as such, but she does need to leave the house otherwise she gets whingey and bad tempered. I think she needs the additional stimulation. For example today it's been raining all day, and I took her with me to the shops to get baking supplies and craft stuff, we were probably out for an hour total but it was enough for her to then play happily at home the rest of the day.

Thank you for all your replies. Seems the general consensus is, some of you find it easier to take two little ones out than keeping them in. I’m not the only one though, and you’ve reassured me that I’m not doing anything wrong. Maybe I need to meet more mothers of young children. Being an older mother, most of my friends have much older children. Maybe I worry that I won’t get any support if I take them both out. Ie if I go to soft play, I have to keep a close eye on my 20 month old, but can’t leave the 5 month old in the pram out of my sight either.

@Loulou560 I really recommend church style playgroups - they tend to be more friendly than things like soft play and you will often find volunteers who are more than happy to have a baby cuddle while you deal with your toddler etc

Putting the telly on a few times a day for a not even two year old is a lot. I assume the 5 month old watches too?
going to local park is free and your older child can run around. I assume you have to walk the dog anyway? Or try rhyme time at your library. any baby or music classes or local playgroups? These can be cheap entertainment for 90mins and you can have a cup of coffee.

Personally I also need to go out every day for my own sanity, I find that much easier than staying at home and constant tidying.