3 month & 19 month - SO bored (& lonely)

[climbershell]

I'm so blooming bored all day long. Lonely too. Toddler is at nursery 2 days a week, partner works compressed hours. So only 2 days just me and baby, 2 days just me, baby and toddler. Last weekend we even went out a couple hours Sat before lunch, and Sun from 9-2.30 at a farm, but I was still soooo bored sitting around all afternoon just doing a bit of jigsaw with toddler running around.

Omg its so mind numbingly boring!!! Esp as toddler or baby or both are up from 6/6:30am, partner getting ready for work at 6.30 and home 6.45pm. It's a long day, even if we go out for an hour or 2.

Toddler usually not asleep til at least 9. By which time I'm in our bedroom trying to settle a fussy baby and then I'm stuck there all night. So next to no interaction with partner in the evening. Even if by some miracle toddler is asleep by 8.30pm and baby is asleep in the carrier, partner is too tired to chat, just puts on TV. He's never been a big talker anyway.

I've never been someone to find sitting about chilling fun, I find it dull, depressing, boring. Pre kids I'd be out a couple nights a week rock climbing and most evenings me and partner would sit playing board games. At least everyother weekend I'd be out climbing mountains. So, sitting around doing almost feck all really gets me down.

Baby hates pram, won't sleep unless in the carrier, nearly always moving and sometimes even need white noise too. None of our toddler sessions run during the school hols. Often my only adult conversation for 2-3 weeks is 2ce a week at nursery drop off/pick up and someone on the tills at supermarket. Once every few weeks will see nct friends or some pre children friends.

Will it get better, when? When I go back to work 3 days a week in March its my own gardening business which I've lost 1/3 customers over maternity (so might only be enough work for 2 days initially) and is also working on my own, so not much social interaction (a couple mins chat with customers a couple of times a day)

I knew this year would be hard, but only viable option financially was to have 2 babjes close together (otherwise I'd build my business up again only for another season off to rebuild yet again the following year). But I think 2 maternity leaves almost back to back are making it so much harder.

It is insanely hard and mind-numbing at times. Do you go to playgroups, baby sensory, baby/toddler gyms?? I've found these are the only way of keeping me sane. I have to go to something every day. Why is your toddler up so late?? I would be trying to address that as you need more time in the evening. Are they on 1 or 2 naps?? I would be aiming for a 6.30/7pm bedtime.

Is there a community garden or outdoor playgroup near you? You sound outdoorsy, you need a tribe of like minded parents who want to spend time outdoors with their kids!
this could be fun.
you might find them at the more eco warrior kid focused groups. I think one is called woodcraft kids? Like a 70s eco version of brownies. they’ll have some kind of toddler wing.
you need a play park bench buddy. In our (admittedly leftie) city c we’re area if you spend long enough in your neighbourhood parks you make friends. Do u maybe live somewhere a bit more rural or suburban? Can make it trickier.

From reading your post is sounds like going out is a pretty rare event (you say "It's a long day even if we go out for an hour or 2" and "Last weekend we even went out a couple hours" and mention the lack of adult conversation for weeks).

When I was on maternity leave, meeting up with other mothers of similar aged children was my lifeline. We didn't do groups and activities so much but we got out and arranged things to do with friends pretty much every day. I loved meeting people at coffee shops for chats while babies were still content in buggies and then when they got more active we started going to the park where the toddlers could roam around while we chatted. I made great friends in the process.

Would try Peanut or local parenting Facebook groups to try and connect with people in similar circumstances? I found Peanut brilliant, I chatted to a few different girls while pregnant and then we ended up making a group WhatsApp chat and people added different friends or people they met at baby activities to it and now we have a big group where there's usually someone free to meet.

She's been on one nap since 13 months. We've always done an 8/8:30 bedtime and it worked well for us, much prefer a 8.30pm bedtime and 7.30/8am wake up. She eats dinner at 6.30pm (used to be 7 when partner got home). However, since baby has been here naps and bedtime have been a battle. Tho tbh even if she was asleep earlier, baby is so incredibly difficult come evening.

There's no groups on over summer holidays, we'll be back to 2 a week in mid Sept, but that still only takes up 10-12.30 Tues inc travel, 9.15-10.30ish Fri inc travel. There's a free one weds morning I used to go to with toddler but she's now at nursery then and it's not really worth taking baby as more aimed at toddlers. I'm also very socially awkward and lacking small talk department so never really found anyone to chat to more than a couple of mins there

I did nct with my toddler, but those mum friends are now back at work. When it's not holidays we do 2 groups a week, it's not easy going out with an extremely fussy baby and a wild daredevil 19 month old. I met another mum I clicked with too but she's only available to meet up once every couple months

Baby isn't content in pram and won't sleep in it unless an awful lot of perseverance and moving it non stop, so even if I could find some new mum friends it'd be so stressful doing cafe etc this time. I'm also very shy and socially awkward, really struggle with small talk and hence usually chat to mums at groups a little bit but spend a lot of time kinda on the edge when other mums click with each other more

I tried peanut last time but no joy. Have just put a post on a community Facebook group and just started talking to a mum who lives 25min away , tho her kids are 1 & 3🤞