Arranging childcare makes me not want to go!

[Kmgg]

NB: very lucky to have options! I know people don’t have options regarding childcare so please do not attack me for this post.

My mum has always been more prominent in care for our son. I know she’ll follow our routine and listen to our rules, I’ve never felt that with MIL so she’s helped a handful of times but I just can’t relax and unwind when she has him I’m too worried. I mean I can’t relax and unwind fully anyway, I’m a worrier.

But my mum was always quite happy to have DS (19mo). We go away next weekend it was pre booked for a while and I’ve considered cancelling loads I just feel awful for having it booked. My mum would be having DS 3 days (we fly late the last day due to flight time change which is why it’s 3 full days not 2.5) and she keeps telling me to ask MIL to have DS for a few hours

I get it’s hard and can be tiring but she’s had him before and I don’t get why she’s pushing this? Again I’m lucky to have options but the thought of being somewhere else not close, while MIL has him for those few hours makes me dread the trip and not want to go full stop.

does anyone feel a bit pulled in all directions? I’m trying to keep everyone happy and trying to keep my relationship flowing, keep my mum happy, keep myself happy but I just don’t even want to go away now which’d disappoint DH and then I’d get it in the neck off my mum who’d moan that I cancelled because of what she’s asked

sorry for the vent

If your mum had agreed to have him for the three full days and now she's changed her mind then I get why you're upset. I can see it from her side too, the reality of caring for him for 3 days and the overnights might be hitting her as it comes closer and asking for your MIL to give her a break for a few hours isn't an awful big ask really. My son is just a couple months older than yours and my parents are more than happy to mind him a lot but I know they would be exhausted after 3 full days of it.

Is your only problem with MIL that she doesn't follow your routine? What kind of rules do you have that she doesn't follow? If it's just something like giving him too many treats or letting him watch tv then I'd get over it for the sake of a few hours and let your mum have a break while she's doing you a massive favour.

It's only a few hours ?? I don't see what the problem is really. You

I think you're asking an awful lot from your DM. It's likely that when she agreed DS was a little easier and she'd forgotten how hard it is looking after a toddler that likely only naps once a day.

Unless the rules that DMIL doesn't follow are things that can actually harm him like not using a car seat, I'd ask her to have him for one of the days. Otherwise it's unlikely that your DM will agree to have him again and your DH and DM will both be unhappy.

I would give your Mom a break. In fact I would have offered it when you first asked her to babysit. My ex arranged for us to go away for 1 night. We got there and realized how much we needed the break and he wanted to stay an extra night. Our girls are 14 months apart and were 2 and 3 years old at the time (lots of energy). I told him we needed to ask my brother and his partner to take the girls for the second day to give mom a break. They were willing, and everyone was happy. I never got wrapped up in giving a sitter 15 ground rules they must adhere too. I was grateful they were doing it, and for free! I also didn't have issues with them overloading them on sugar, or watching too much TV. It helped that they were close in age and played well together.

Your parents deserve a break, even if it was having a teenager over for the afternoon to keep your son occupied, or take him outside, etc.