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Parenting

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Am i a bad mum?

3 replies

Dewdrop96 · 02/08/2023 19:39

Me and my husband have our 1 daughter who has just turned one, there Has been alot of trauma for me the past few years, losing my own mum to terminal cancer after only having the diagnosis 3 months was alot to come to terms with and in normal circumstances me and my husband are excellent when it comes to team work, we always said it was our biggest quality together is that we would always work it out as a team no matter what.
But the past few months I feel like he has so much resentment towards me and feels like he genuinely hates me.
Fast forward to the past 2 weeks, our little one has been poorly, ended up in hospital kinda poorly but all worked out okay and she got discharged then last week I began to get unwell, turned out I have tonsillitis, never had it before, drains the life out of me.
This is the 1st time I've ever asked my husband to take time off work to help, prior to this I have done 99% of what is required for our daughter.
Yet my daughter will only cry if she sees me and can't get to me, which is what she is like usually and I try and explain this to him. The past 2 nights he has made me feel like I am such an inadequate parent, that our daughter shouldn't be like this because she isn't like it with him. I'm at such a loss, I've never been made to feel so small. Yet I know if I bring up how I'm feeling it will be flipped and I'll be the bad guy
I dont know what to do, i don't feel i have anyone else I feel stuck

OP posts:
Supertayto · 02/08/2023 19:47

Hi OP. This is totally normal, I think. Young kids want their primary caregiver and cry when they see them after not being with them. Both of mine have done/do this and I’ve always interpreted it as ‘Christ, you left me! Why? Thank goodness you’re back!’

As for your husband. Hmm. Pop him in the bin?

webster1987 · 02/08/2023 19:47

I'm sorry you're having a difficult time, but first and foremost, this absolutely doesn't mean you a bad parent! It sounds like quite the opposite, despite how your partner may be making you feel.

It sounds like there's been a distinct shift in his behaviour/attitude towards you and your relationship. Have you been able to ask him about this?

PurpleBugz · 02/08/2023 20:07

Completely normal. I work with early years and would just think it means they want mum.

Just today I left my 12month old while I loaded the car. He was happy with granny but when I came back for a second load and he saw me but I didn't come to him he screamed like granny trying to kill him.

To be blunt the reason your child doesn't cry for dad this way is because they don't care about dad like they care about you. If you do 99% that's why. If dad did 99% they'd scream for him

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