Siblings sharing bedrooms

[Blahblahgingerbreadlady]

What is your experience of this? Both dh and I were lucky that we never had to (both grew up in big houses!) definitely can’t afford to move with mortgages and would rather keep our current place and make it work. We have three upstairs bedrooms. One is our master, one is our office and the other is ds bedroom. When our next baby is born DS will be 4. Initially we thought the next baby would get the office room, but we both wfh a lot and really don’t want to give it up.

The baby will probably share our master for the first year like DS (tbh we still cosleep a lot and happy with that). Do you think sharing a bedroom when he/she is older could work?

Felt a bit bad but reality is I had some childhood friends who shared and actually loved it (not sure how this worked in teenage years though). By teenage years we’ll have probably moved anyway so not an issue.

I had to share with 2 sisters with a 3yr and 6 yr age gap and I hated it. I don't think a smaller age gap would have helped, I'm simply a private person and like my own space. I'm not close to them as an adult.

I have a nearly 4 yr gap between dcs and they will probably share while they're both in primary school. Youngest is 15m and in our room now and will stay in with us until she sleeps through reliably - I don't think it's fair to have her waking her sister who needs to be up for school. But that might not be for a few years. We have enough bedrooms that they can have their own rooms when older, which I expect they'll prefer by the time eldest is in secondary. The rooms are a very unequal size though, but that's another headache!

I’m one of 3, and shared with both my siblings (mixed sexes) until I was into my teens.

We currently have a setup like yours - master bedroom, other bedroom is DS 2.5, and then an office. DD 6 months is in with us, or actually me, as DH is currently sleeping with toddler while I cosleep with baby.

We are hoping to buy next year (currently renting) and hope to buy a 4 bed or 3 with office space, but for now we’re staying as we are. I will say being able to lie down in bed with baby during the day is great, and not something I’d give up easily. You may well find the same while you’re on mat leave. DS also goes to bed stupidly late, so the 2 kids sharing really wouldn’t work for now. DD will stay with me for the foreseeable. In your situation, I wouldn’t worry for now. Keep baby with you for a year or more, keep the office and DS bedroom as they are, and see what feels right in a year/18 months. There’s really no rush to get baby out of your room. A big side car cot might help? By that point you’ll know whether the 2 kids sharing makes more or less sense than having the separate office. You don’t need to decide now.

Sorry I wasn't very clear, I was more getting at that they don't do anything bigger than a double. We have a king-size bed and so wouldn't go for it but it would work well if you are happy with a double

Mine shared from when eldest was five - similar age gap to you.
They both were happy with it for the most part, and very close.

When eldest was 12 and asked for their own room, the younger one was devastated!

Both teens now and love their own space, but I think it’s absolutely fine to share -actually has lots of positives - for primary age. They still share on holidays.

We didn’t have any issues with Lego or crafts - those were mostly done on the kitchen table or living room coffee table anyway to be honest.

My nephews and nieces on both sides also shared/are still sharing up to the age of 11 or so too, in some cases even though there were spare bedrooms available.

I have three sharing a room (3 boys) and a girl with her own room.

My brother had to share until they were 19 and 22.

Absolutely no harm done.

Almost every family I know have children sharing a bedroom.

And to add to the above, the boys will be sharing a room until one of them moves out

A kid in my son's class really struggled for a few years because they shared with a baby and got very disturbed sleep. If you really need to make them share, don't even consider it until the baby is sleeping through the night.

Also, I do question how many people really need a separate office. Are you running a business, or working from home with kids making noise downstairs? If so, fair enough. But if not, is it really necessary? Can you work from the dining table?

I would probably make the master bedroom a dual use office/bedroom. Your ds is old enough to resent having to give up his room.

Yes, this. He probably won't fully appreciate the adult sleep/work balance - he'll just see it that Mummy & Daddy get two of the three rooms and then both/all(?) of the children have to share HIS room.

I think it's important for him to know, at his age, that he has somewhere to go when he needs a bit of time to himself.

Practically speaking, if you have a 5/6yo and a 1/2yo, they won't really be sharing a room as such; it will basically be the 1/2yo's room - with their needs, desires and demands centred - that the older child is expected to sleep in, because there isn't anywhere else for him to have his own room.

Parents make the active adult decision to put elements of their own lives on hold in order to centre a baby/toddler, but it's a lot to expect of an older (yet still not very old) sibling.

Let them try sharing. If it doesn't work, then reassess. IME DH needs a separate work space more than our boys need their own rooms at the moment.

I also think there's quite a difference in dynamic when siblings who are close choose to share (and could stop at any time), as opposed to having no alternative.

I grew up in a 3 bed house. My parents had the master, I had the smallest room and my 2 brothers shared the other room. You only have 2 children so they should have a room each. You don't need an office.

What is your down stairs lay out /what rooms do you have

I was just thinking this.
When dc were small their bedroom was only for sleeping in, so they didn't need "their own space" in that sense. They didn't have toys in there. They could be in separate reception rooms/ one upstairs reading and one downstairs playing if they wanted.

I actually disagree, it will be the current child’s room and the baby will probably be with me in the master for at least a year.

Is your new baby a boy or girl? Obviously if you have a boy and a girl they can't share indefinitely. I think you will probably need to turn your study into a bedroom either way though. It's really not ideal for kids not to have their own rooms and it seems really silly to share when you don't absolutely have to.

Perhaps if you have room in your garden you could have a sort of shed/summer house thing for studying/work.

I actually disagree, it will be the current child’s room and the baby will probably be with me in the master for at least a year.

Yes, that's why I said a 1 or 2yo child - thinking ahead to when the baby no longer sleeps in your room.

People normally move older toddlers out into their own rooms to promote a small step of independence; but if you're just moving them from sharing one room (with parents) to sharing another room (with a sibling), you don't really have that opportunity.

In fact, unless you wait until the baby is able to sleep completely independently, without waking up, demanding attention or disturbing anybody else, your older DS may just see it that you've decided to offload the problem (as in the circumstances and challenges of a sleeping little one, obviously not referring to the child him/herself) on to him.