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Original poster

Back to work/settling at nursery - ARGH!

12 replies

Allthesweets · 02/08/2023 09:59

Hi all,

I've been back to work part time for 2 weeks and my 12 month old has been in nursery 2 days a week for around 4 weeks (mum has him one day). He's been pretty much sick since he started with colds and things and cries every morning when we drop him off, which I find heartbreaking and the guilt of leaving him is killing me.

Once we'd gone, the nurses would say he'd settle and have a nice day, but yesterday they called for us to pick him up because they couldn't settle him, he didn't want to eat etc. He's more clingy than usual with being poorly (doc said just a virus), but I am really struggling with what to do and whether to try and give him longer to settle or move him.

I can't leave my job and my mum says it will be too much for her to have him 3 days a week. I'm looking at other nurseries, but the one he's at is rated outstanding and supposed to be the best in our area. Also wondering whether moving him is jumping the gun.

I'm not able to concentrate on my job fully because I am finding this all so stressful.

Has anyone else had a similar experience and how did it turn out/what did you do?

Thanks x

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reabies · 02/08/2023 10:16

Hiya, this is kind of anecdotal, but of my friends' babies the ones that had the most trouble settling were the ones who were only there 1-2 days a week. My friend started her 11mo going 1 day a week about a month before she went back to work and despite having a few settle sessions beforehand, that day was particularly tough for that whole month. She then went up to 5 days when my friend went back to work and within a week it was much improved.

I have another friend whose baby goes to the same one my son does, 2 days a week for over a month now, and is still distraught at dropoff.

My son did 3 settle sessions before starting 4 days a week at 11mo. Within 10 days of starting we generally did not get any more tears at dropoff, unless he's under the weather. But also Mondays are generally harder and more prone to tears, after he's had the weekend with us.

All that to say, maybe he's not spending enough time there to feel settled, he goes there for a couple of days and maybe by the end of day 2 he's feeling more confident but then there's a 3-4 day gap before he goes again and it all feels new and scary? Would you be open to adding another day or half day per week? Are his 2 days consecutive or spaced through the week?

Also just to sympathise with the illness thing, in the 4 months mine has been there he's been sent home with a temperature, multiple rashes, diarrhoea, vomiting, and had a full week off for chicken pox. It's mad but it should calm down once they've got a few months under their belt!

showmethegin · 02/08/2023 11:00

DS started nursery at 12 months. We are currently on his 5th week (not including the two weeks of two settle sessions a week). He goes Monday - Wednesday and is still really upset at drop off. I absolutely hate it. He doesn't cry at pick up anymore and the staff tells us he is ok once we go but it's hard! If you trust the nursery I would ask them about their thoughts on it, they will have settled many children so should be able to advise

Regenbogen22 · 02/08/2023 11:06

Moving him would be waaay too premature!! If he's been there twice a week for 4 weeks he's only actually spent 8 days there. He's so small and poorly too. One problem is as a PP mentions....he's there so infrequently. He gets used to being at home again with you and suddenly it's drop off at the nursery.

Give him time and trust the staff 🤗

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Welshfiver · 02/08/2023 11:16

Agree you need to give it more time. The first few months are tough with settling in and all the viruses. We have had ours in two days a week for 9 months now and I'd say he's been settled for about 6 months. I'm bracing myself for winter colds season though.

givemushypeasachance · 02/08/2023 12:14

A year old is classic age for separation anxiety; but if you need to work then he can't be with you 24/7, he will adapt in time and learn you collect him again at the end of the day and everything is fine.

Kids starting childcare get every illness going for a while, that is normal. Often they're out of childcare sick more than they attend for the first few weeks/months, it's unfortunate but one of those things.

Wrongsideofpennines · 02/08/2023 12:23

I think moving him would be premature. Especially if he's been ill and out of sorts. It took my daughter a few weeks to settle and she was going 3 days and was a lockdown baby who had never spent more than 2 hours away from me before.

Maybe also sounds daft but do you tell him what's going to happen? Like the night before tell him he's going to nursery in the morning and he will play/eat/see X and then you will pick him up and you will do X. And reiterate in the morning what the routine will be so he feels prepared.

Original poster

Allthesweets · 03/08/2023 14:17

Thanks for your advice everyone.

I think you're right re being premature. I'll give it a couple more weeks and see how he gets on. Hopefully he'll be more settled when he's not so poorly. And yes, the constant sickness is just crazy. Ha.

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trrk · 03/08/2023 15:09

We are going through something similar at the moment and it’s so hard. DD has been at nursery for a month now, going 3 days a week but we still have tears at dropoff and pick-up and she seems to be finding it hard by the end of the afternoon so the staff end up rocking her in a bouncer until I pick her up. They assure me she’s OK for most of the day. I’m giving it longer as I have no plan B but from what I’ve heard from NCT friends that went back a bit earlier it took their babies 2 months to fully settle.

Jasperdale · 03/08/2023 15:22

I’ve worked in a nursery and it’s so hard when a child constantly cries as it sets all the other kids off and frazzled the staff. Obviously some crying is normal but we had one that cried all day every day. Give him time to settle and maybe try full time as others have said but nursery does not suit every child. A childminder could be a better idea if all else fails and less kids means less chance of picking up bugs etc.

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/08/2023 16:55

I’d consider sending him for 3 days so he has more time there which will help with settling.

If that isn’t possible, it’s going to take time for him to settle only going 2 days a week.

poppet131 · 17/10/2023 16:09

@Allthesweets How’s your LO now with nursery? My boy has just started this week and there’s been lots of tears abd food refusal x

Original poster

Allthesweets · 17/10/2023 19:43

Hi @poppet131, ah yes the tears. So a few weeks after my post, we decided to just do half days rather than full ones and that seemed to really help so he had a good breakfast and nap before he went in. He seemed to enjoy being in there as well.

It took about 8 weeks for him to not cry when we dropped him off. I think if he was in more than 2 afternoons a week this would have been less.

The viruses have been relentless though, ear infection, colds, fevers etc. just awful.

Hope your LO settles soon x

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