Summer holidays and feeling overwhelmed....

[princesslouloubananahammock]

So have DD 7... she is an only, has a lot of energy... doesn't really entertain herself with anything other then a screen.

This is our first summer holiday where I haven't worked so in previous years she's be at a holiday club or grandparents.

Feel like we are just wasting time, not doing anything of any substance. She's on a screen, or watching TV.... I'm on my phone because I feel bad if I start doing anything else around the house ( not sure why I feel guilty about this and not about being in the same room as her but on my phone)

I'd happily take her to soft plays, park etc but she won't play on her own and she won't make friends where we go so I have "to do" everything with her..... which I find exhausting.

Don't really know what I'm asking .... think just need to post how I'm feeling in the hope it makes me feel better!

I have an only child and he does want me to do stuff with him too. We tend to go out everyday tho as I find it harder on the house some bits we are doing this summer-

Mini golf
Swiming
Trampolining
Park
Soft play
Inflatable place
Interactive museum
Wildlife park
Visit grandparents
Meet friends
Meet sil
Alpaca walk
Bowling
Splash park

He's also going grandparents a couple of times to give me a break and work. I've booked a holiday club a couple days too. And dh has a few days off.

So how many of these things do you do a day?

With just me and DD the most time these things take is an hour or two.... she's up at like 7am so that still leaves so many hours to fill!

DH is taking the odd day off and we had a few days away in the first week but we literally have nothing else planned!

Holiday club
Swimming
Park
Library
Bus trip
Garden centre
Trampoline park
National trust
Craft activities
Mine will sit and do the activities in a comic with me for ages
Cinema
Crazy golf
Ice cream park
maize maze if one near to you
National trusts have a lot of treasure hunts on

Normally we wake up 5.30/6- have breakfast then a couple of hours screen time/Lego play etc. Today we went swimming at 9am, came home and had lunch, went for a walk to the library and then did a comic together and now they can have more free play until tea/bed. I try two cheap/free activities a day or one big treat like a theme park etc. sometimes

Does she not like any crafts, art or baking? Play a musical instrument or any sports?

Take her swimming, crazy golf, cinema. She needs you to help her get away from screens. She won’t do it alone.

I think the key is you not feeling like you have to be in the same room as her all the time. I'm going through this but my youngest is only 3. My eldest is 6 and is very happy to play in a different room with his lego/ train set/ jigsaws and I get to do what I like if my youngest is at nursery. Sometimes he's watching TV too, but he likes audiobooks and podcasts as well so I try to use those to get off the screens.

I think as long as you're getting out of the house at some point in the day, then some
downtime in the house isn't a bad thing, and learning not to rely on you for her amusement can't be a bad thing.

Could you invite her friends or friends and parents to join you?

I'm on my phone because I feel bad if I start doing anything else around the house ( not sure why I feel guilty about this and not about being in the same room as her but on my phone)

This is insane to me. Tell her it's time to entertain herself for an hour every day and go and busy yourself with something else.

Could you decide what to have for tea together, shop for the ingredients and cook together. Could be simple like chicken salad wraps. You could also cook a pudding even if it's only cookies from a packet of cookie mix that you add a little water to.

Did you know how to make friendship bands when you were little. 7 might be a good age to have a go at simple ones and a rainy day activity.

Going for a walk is a nice activity - I'd find it less tedious than the park time. So even if you have to walk to a park the walk might be the nicer time for you and use up some time. Any beauty spots you can walk around?

We ended up setting really strict screen time limits when the allure of the screen started to mean mine couldn't entertain themselves.

So now it's only screens within prescribed times. Outside that they have lots of stuff at their disposal and if I can, I'll do puzzles, board games etc with them. But learning how to occupy yourself is a skill - as long as you've given her the tools (toys, art and craft stuff, a deck of cards, books, outdoor stuff if you have a garden, whatever) then giving her options but leaving it to her to decide what to do with those options is a huge favour.

The other thing I try really, really hard to do (and often fall short) is to model the behaviour myself. And setting it up as a shared activity can sometimes help - book time (but each reading our own books), art/craft time (me doing some sewing that I quite enjoy when I force myself off my phone, the kids doing different drawing or craft stuff) etc.

And I over-rewarded the behaviours I wanted to see when we were doing the shift away from screens. Youngest got two marbles for his marble jar for setting a new personal best on his pogo stick after working at it for ages. That sort of
thing.

Second the idea of having a friend round. Makes it so much easier. I have 3 but my youngest is a good few years younger than the others who are sometimes at work - youngest is doing a few days at football camp a week and then the older ones have been great at doing bits with him and mil has taken him one day a week.
I’m taking a couple of days here and there and we are all off on holiday for the last 2 weeks.
I used to be off all summer with the dc and it’s so much easier now I’m working through it and have things mapped out for him in advance that don’t revolve around me playing with him every spare second of the day!
On my days off we had planned top golf, seaside for a walk, skimming stones, fish and chips and arcade, then picnic and river paddle and possibly hiring our boats one day.
Weather looks shit for all of my days off unfortunately so plans will be changed!

Playdates. Go to soft play with a friend - they'll have a great time. At 7, the other mum doesn't need to stay - you could suggest 2 dates, one where each of you supervise so you each get an afternoon off from your children. Supervising 2 at air play is easy peasy - odds are you'll be able to relax with a cuppa anyway.

We aim for one playdate a week for my eldest. It takes the pressure off and she loves it!

This is a good opportunity for her to practise entertaining herself.anyway. Children need to learn how to do this. Does your local library do a summer reading challebge? Set aside some daily reading time so she can do it - it's usually 1 book (age appropriate length) per week and you get a little prize at the end and a certificate to take into school.

Crafts are good. Set her off and help her get started, but then leave her to it while you get on with something. Pop in for a quick chat every 15 minutes or so. Colouring and painting are good skill builders for this age.

I do stuff with her in the day, but if I say no screens she will literally not "get on" with anything else on her own.

Yesterday we were out mid morning to early afternoon, we got back and I wanted to get some house work done. I said no screens, play with your Lego in your bedroom. She was having a melt down within 5 minutes.

Today we did painting and crafting together for an hour or 2 but other then that been on a screen. After dinner I said have a half hour break please.... she asked me to play a board game which I did and she threw a strop when she started losing so the game was put away.

She does seem very emotional today literally crying at any request.... this is not standard for her but she will not play in her room ever, she will not just sit and colour or draw.
I am more then happy to sit and do things with her but at the same time I do need her to get on with things alone that doesn't revolve around a screen.

I will arrange play dates, but I know a lot of her friends parents work so their kids are booked into holiday clubs.

I remember I massively struggled with maternity leave, and then working part time and parenting alone on my days off... then Parenting alone in the week during lock down. I start a term time only job in September so all holidays will be on me to provide entertainment and part of me is dreading it!

There is no way I could "pop in" every 15 minutes while she does a craft... she literally will not sit still that long!
I'm lucky if she spends 10minute doing a craft that has taken me just as long setting up and that's me doing it with her!

In that car I think you really need a bit of "tough love" here. Make it clear that there are times you will spend time together, and times she will have to entertain herself. At school, she will be expected to sit and complete a task like colouring without constant interaction. I'm not saying shell be totally focussed all the time, but she can't insist on you attention at all times. It isn't healthy to let her do this and you'll end up with a monster of a teenagee on your hands in a couple of years.

It'll be tough for a few weeks. This is something she has to learn though. Think it ir the same way as you will have faced qeaning and potty training. Short term difficulty with long term payoff.

The only reason she's stuck to a screen is because you've allowed it for so long and not exactly a sterling example then sittin on your phone with her. Ours know screen time is a treat when they are allowed so we've been walks,parks,swimming,soft ball etc so far

We're 4 weeks in to hols here. I saw a thing on Facebook I think which helped me frame the weeks ahead.

.Make it Monday, take a trip Tuesday, wet Wednesday, thinking Thursday and fun Friday. Obviously we don't live strictly by it but it gives me a focus to think of one thing to do each day. So maybe painting and a craft kit on Monday, took a bus to the pet shop one day, been to the pool a couple of Wednesdays, Thursdays do something for someone else, fun Fridays vary...we did a board games Olympics one friday( a few games, sweets for prizes and to keep us going!).
These things don't need to take hours. I do find once we've done one focused thing my 7 yr old tends then to manage to mooch until she finds something to do. You might have to weather the tantrums and leave out a couple of choices as suggestions.
I do also frequently tell her. go find something to do, I have x y and z to do.

Play dates for sure.

Why not a few days in summer club? I don't work in the holidays, but I sent two of mine in today so I could take the other out. Gives them something to do.

Definitely toughen up about the pottering/amusing herself. Obviously it'll be hard at first but she will go and find something to do. Can she listen to music in her room?

Perhaps a structure. Have breakfast then out for a walk/supermarket/activity. Sandwiches in the park then afternoon she's watching a film.

Definitely seek out more playmates for her. Could she do something like a drama, dance or gymnastics club with a friend for a few days? You could also do a swap with another mum, ie you have both kids one day and she has them another.

it is really hard! Some great suggestions above.

what about doing some kind of project over the summer. Help her make a scrapbook with photos, tickets, journal entries, drawings about what you have done.

or the project could be to visit every playground and pool in a 10 mile radius, or cook a new thing together each week. Or whatever. Again, you could document it in photos.

i would really try to crack down on screen time if you can; it crowds out other activities as it’s such an easy default. it’s good for children to get a bit bored as it helps them to be more resourceful in terms of imaginative play.

Do you have a class chat group? Parents often put on my DCs' groups that they will be at X park at Y time and does anyone fancy joining them, which works well - could you try that?

I agree with PPs about getting tough though. Ignore the meltdowns, make suggestions (and help to get it out if requested), and offer her a 'super fun' chore if she complains of boredom (bedroom tidying always send mine scuttling to look busy). I saw on another thread the suggestion of no screens within what would normally be school hours, which I think would be a good balance to aim for. I would start smaller at first with 1hr free play first though.

Get a big sheet of paper, and break it down
Seven columns across the top, 5 rows down the side
Basically one sq per day.
Then fill it in.

If weekends usually take care of themselves that's fine, so 5*5. Put on the days Dad is home and ear mark some of that time for you to be alone, even if it's just an hour. Put on any big trips, grandparents etc.

Pick a day a week to go swimming.

Pick a day a week to go to the library. Make sure there's one book to read per day until next week.

Pick a day a week to go to the park.

Message some friends for playdate even if they're weekends.

Most local cinemas are showing tons of kids movies, how many of those can you afford? Look of you can get a Kids Pass, it'll make it cheaper. Can you afford one a week if you take your own drink and texts or one a fortnight?

If she won't do crafts for long, skip them. What does she like? Half day of colouring in / drawing / Lego / baking/ gardening.

And then put in screen time around that so you can get stuff done. You'll feel less guilty knowing how much other stuff she's done.

Would she respond to earning her screen time? So you can have 30 mins of TV if you xyz for 30 mins without disturbing me? Perhaps start with smaller chunks and work up so she gets that positive reinforcement early on. There could be a timer set so she can always see that the time is ticking on and not a horrible eternity stretching out in front. It's hard with one, but I think lone play is actually a skill. The more she practices the more she learns it can actually be enjoyable.

You need to cut out the screen time and let her learn to entertain herself. Just don't get involved. Let her have a meltdown. That's fine. And when she stops she can find something to do.

She'll tolerate it best if you have a good morning, get out, fresh air exercise etc. Then tell her, 'I'm doing xyz for 30 mins and you need to play by yourself', give her a timer for 30 mins so she knows when her time is up. Plan something for after this time and tell her that too. 'This morning we're going trampolining and then we'll come back and have lunch, them I'm going to do xyz and you need to play by yourself for 30 mins, after this we can bake cakes'. And stick to it.

I have a rule that screen time happens only at X and Y times in the day (and have screen time settings on devices to enforce this). One of those times is just before dinner so I can cook uninterrupted and because everyone is tired hungry and grumpy just then.

I’ve stuck to this rule for years and the DC virtually don’t even ask for screens any other time now.

It sounds like your DD might benefit from a similar rule. I do think a large part of why she can’t entertain herself is because it’s harder work than a screen and she knows (consciously or subconsciously) that if she makes enough fuss she will get screen time. And seeing you on your phone won’t be helping (sorry! I am guilty of this too!)