Why does my SIL think it's funny to mimic my 4 year old?

[coffeealldayandnight]

It's bizarre. I think she thinks it's endearing or affectionate but it's just disrespectful. He's a very sensitive little thing who is already highly self conscious and everything he says she mimics in his tone of voice / accent but in a whinier way. It's painful. I've told him he doesn't have to talk to her but he now avoids her and it's just awkward. Maybe I'm mollycoddling him and maybe some people think that is a type of affectionate way of communicating with a child when you've no experience of being around children? I am not sure what to say or do without offending her as we are a close family and I think she would be offended. Any ideas?

Just tell her what you’ve said here; it’s registered with the mimicked person and has caused them to feel self conscious. To me, it’s no different from mimicking an adult with what she seems to be an idiosyncratic manner of speech. I get what you’re saying about how it’s maybe seen by her as someone who regards children as less acutely aware as a form of intra-adult bonding, it’s probably more ignorance than malice. However, having has had a half-deaf infant myself, I didn’t appreciate mimicry of him, however comedic or affectionate or innocently meant. He did notice, he couldn’t help the way he sounded and it made the adults who did it sound like assholes.

Have you asked her to please stop it, he doesn’t like it?

I think you need to stamp this out even if she means well

Shut her down each and every time.

She mocking him and bullying him and it is not ok. I absolutely despise this kind of teasing. I would tell her once to knock it the fuck off, and only once. After that, she simply wouldn't be around my child.

Tell her directly. If you're close and she's a decent person she'll accept your boundary.

I would tell her that you're teaching your ds that he doesn't have to accept kids in school mocking him and so you won't tolerate it anywhere else so the message is consistent for him and he learns that he deserves respect from everyone in his life. So you'd appreciate it if she stopped it immediately as he finds it humiliating even though you know that's not her intention.

If she's uncomfortable with that then it's on her and I'd think less of her. What does your other half think? Is it better for them to have that conversation with their sister? She's probably not realising that she's acting like a bully because she finds him endearing, but she is and it needs to stop. There's plenty of other ways she can speak to him and connect with him that don't make him feel small.

SiL, it's not amusing and is mocking DS, when you attempt to imitate him. He doesn't like it and neither do I, so stop it now.

Thanks so much for your replies. I feel much more raging now despite knowing it isn't fully malicious (and most definitely strange!!!) and will 100% say something every single time she copies him, until she stops! We go away with them in a few weeks so I will update the thread then...! Thanks for your help.

I can’t stand adult women who do a babyish voice because they think it’s cute. I can’t stand adults who are jealous of little kids.
I can’t stand bullies.
Maybe show her this thread if she doesn’t stop instantly.

Never mind that she will be offended. Your child is offended. He’s your concern not her. She’s pathetic and needs putting in her place.

I would just politely ask her to stop, explain why. Don’t ask privately ask in front of who is ever there. If she keeps doing it you escalate your reaction to telling her assertively that she will stop it. Then the next time blow up and completely over react screaming like a crazy person. I find once you blow up people realise you are serious. If she is a decent person asking once will work.

I was your child, I’m softly spoken. And stutter. I was mocked, mimicked for it and hated it as a child. I used to just stop talking and not answer until they stopped.
“SIL, Just speak to DS in your normal voice, he doesn’t like it when people mimic him or treat him like a baby.”

There's nothing affectionate about what she's doing. Mimicking someone is cruel and not OK, ever.

Omg my SiL does this too, we very rarely see her so it really threw me off when she did it recently. Very awkward I’m not sure how I’ll try and approach is next time.