Baby sleep

[incognito786]

So my husband literally does nothing for the kids besides plays with them or takes them out for an hr maybe once a week. We go out as a family once a week too but the rest of the time he’s either working or sleeping whilst I look after the kids. Some days I need the nap but he’ll decide to lie down and go to sleep himself.

He just absolutely pisses me off! He’s always complaining about how tired he is like I’m not. He’ll sleep through the baby crying.

So o struggle with attachment with the kids. I’m constantly scared the kids will love everyone more than me because I’m the primary caregiver: I do absolutely everything for the kids. Literally everything. Feeds, baths, nap time and I even put them both the sleep together myself.

I just feel so low in myself, like to the point I cba talking to anyone: I just watch my daughter all day waiting for her to show me love. I don’t know:

Is it possible for them to love anyone more than their mum?

Hi OP
That sounds tough and like you need a little time to yourself. Have you spoken to your husband about needing a break? Would he be supportive?

In terms of kids love, I think Mums generally have a very special place for most children, and for most nothing can beat a Mum’s cuddle.

From
your post I’m not sure if you mean:

Are you scared that because you do the ‘mundane/boring’ stuff they will like the ‘fun’ parent more?

and/or

Is it okay for someone else to care for them for a bit and they will still love you?

are you happy to share their ages?

Hi

I think I mean both:

17months and 5 months c

As the primary caregiver, your kids will love you the most. The mundane stuff is exactly what will build the biggest attachment. Someone else can look after them for large swathes of time, but as long as you’re the main caregiver, you’ll always be the most important thing to them.

….and your other half sounds like a knob.

Thanks for clarifying @incognito786

I would say in terms of the ‘fun’ parent vs mundane one - no, kids really aren’t that shallow, especially as they grow older, they value the time and effort put in, even to things like bathtime. It’s not just the playtime they notice.

And absolutely fine for someone to care for them for a little bit, no one is going to replace Mum. It sounds like you are with them pretty much 24/7 that’s a hugely strong bond and it’s formed before birth too. A baby is born knowing it’s mother’s voice, apparently studies have found babies even cry in the pitch of their mother tongue. And a baby can’t adjust eye focus, so can’t see objects too near or too far, as their focus is suited to being able to see a face from around breast height! It’s an incredible bond. Sometime away from you is not going to damage that bond.

Im giving him the benefit of the doubt but if your husband is the WOHP and you are the SAHP he has probably not taken on board just how much you are doing and how tiring it is. If you’ve not been there you don’t know, and even when you have it’s easy to forget. Can he take at least a day’s leave and you got out for the day? Then he can get a better grasp of what it is like.

Also tell (don’t ask) him you are going for a nap.
Look at your schedules and arrange a better balance to try and get rest for both of you. So Sat might be his lie in day, Sun is yours etc.

If he is needing a lot more sleep than is normal he might need to speak to his GP.

Rather than having a family day every weekend, why don’t you tag team it sometimes?

It could be worth speaking to your HV too, it sounds like you might be feeling anxious or guilty about leaving your DC to have some time to rest and recover. It’s not that long since you gave birth, and you can’t pour from an empty cup, so do cut yourself some slack.