I feel like my baby hates me

[Bethandfreddie]

Hi,

So I have an 11 month old DS and honestly parenting has been one of the hardest journeys of my life so far.

I feel like Im doing everything wrong, am I feeding him enough, is he drinking enough, should he be doing this that and the other? Why does he cry so much at me? Why doesn't he sleep? What am I doing wrong? The list goes on.

My MIL had him the other day, and she told me he was golden, no crying, no dummy, no tv just an angel. As soon as I walked in and saw him, he cried at me? that's all he seems to do, I try so hard to meet his needs.

For everyone else he's so good but I feel like I'm just not good enough. I love him so much but why is he like this with me?

He barely sleeps too, still wakes in the night for me where all my friends babies dont now and theyre the same age. He barely naps in the day too, I just don't get it he must be so tired but refusing to sleep.

Is anyone else's baby like this? Is there anything I can do?

Does he go to nursery or is it just you and him all day? I’m wondering if that’s why he was an angel for MIL, he enjoyed a new person/change of scenery?

What sort of things do you do with him? Maybe he’s just one of these than needs to be doing/seeing things or gets bored & is always whingeing? DS was a terrible sleeper. No naps from around 8 months and woke up all night, constantly needed to be doing stuff or seemed to go stir crazy. It was exhausting. Your baby doesn’t hate you though, some are just harder work than others! Hang on in there, it won’t last forever.

Well got evicted from where I was living due to them selling the property, so we had to move back into my MIL's whilst we are looking for somewhere else to live. He see's her everyday but is with me for most of it.

He doesn't go to nursery yet either x

He probably felt all emotional being reunited with you and crying was the only way he knew to express it!

He still sees you and him as two halves of a whole- mum is like the safe place part of the furniture. There are other people for playing and interacting with , and then there is 'us'

So sorry you're feeling like this. I can tell you he certainly doesn't hate you. You are his world and you sound like a lovely mum. Children often act out/have intense emotions with those they love the most. I have felt like this too...but it has improved as my daughter has got older and can now hug me, play games with me etc rather than just crying at me! Please don't doubt yourself. You're doing a brilliant job x

Oh god this could be me and my 1 year old. My husband is always saying to her 'why do you give mummy such a hard time?' because apparently she's an ANGEL when I'm not around. Great 🙄. The first few months I really thought she hated me, she settled so much better with my partner and I just didn't seem to be able to comfort her. She just screamed at me. But now I see its just because our bond is the strongest, she wants more from me than other people because she has more of a connection, and I'm sure that's what your son is trying to communicate. He's at a really tricky stage where he can't properly get across what he's feeling but he knows it's you he needs. I completely understand how you feel but give him a few months, the walking, talking etc make such a difference and I'm sure you'll have a beautiful loving relationship. Show him all the love you can muster, trust me he feels the same x

Perhaps he’s picking up on the way you feel.

I've got quite a few (now grown up) children. Your babies do NOT hate you. Their bond with you is intense.

However, as you are usually the primary care giver with the most or all responsibility for that little thing (and especially if it's your first), then you're probably going to feel quite stressed about its feeding, sleeping, crying...

Your baby picks up on your stress and it cries as a response. And that makes you more stressed and it can set up a bit of a vicious circle.

Grandparents and other people tend to be more relaxed (because they can hand it back) so baby is nice and relaxed with them.

Of course he doesn't hate you.
Every time I pick up DS from the nursery he changes his demeanour and starts crying and running to me at the same time. He would be having fun until he saw me. I think they reserve these feelings for the primary caregivers.

Oh this is so normal and he doesn't hate you. I have 2 boys and one was a better toddler and the other was a better baby but both have gone through periods where all they did is cry and moan at me. The youngest is now 3 and and absolute angel out the house in public, literally the perfect child then the second he is home it is tantrum central. Every single emotion he has felt all day comes out the second we step across the threshold. It's not much comfort when you are in the midst but it is because you are his safe space. Like if you had a really tough day at work and had to keep your emotions in check until you got home to your DH and all of a sudden everything comes out.

It became so much easier when they are down to one nap a day and walking.

To add - I was really struggling one day at about 3 months because nothing I seemed to do was right, and my husband (he has 3 older kids so much more experience) said 'trust me, one day you'll be absolute besties' ...and I couldn't fathom it at the time, crying in the foetal position , but turns out he was so right. She still gives me a hard time but she is such a fun, loving toddler and when your son come to you for a cuddle when he's sleepy or feeling unsure of his surroundings...my god your heart will explode. You are his everything, and it sounds like you are an amazing mum x

Babies are not capable of hating anyone, they only understand love and his attachment is so strong to you op that he feels safe to cry with you.

Could you be depressed? PND?

Thank you everyone, it means a lot and is very reassuring that my boy isn't the only one.

I love him being a baby but I can't wait for him to be able to show affection fully and to be able to have conversations and play together.

Better days to come - I think I just really need a break :)x

Can I ask when your daughter started hugging you 'properly'?! like not just holding on to you when be carried etc - proper arms around your neck hugs!) mine is 18m and doesn't really properly cuddle or kiss yet.