3 month old sleep issues !

[RLMCG]

Hi all, my 3 month old will not sleep unless rocked/patted to sleep no matter how tired she is or day or night.
I’ve read so much and already tried a lot so looking if anyone else has went through this also?
Putting her down fully awake she will scream, I’ve tried leaving her to cry (but staying in the room with her) 2 hours later she was still crying so that doesn’t work.
I’ve tried drowsy but she will wake fully when put down.
I’ve tried to gradually stop the rocking but she will again just cry until I rock her asleep.

I have to put her down once she is in a deep sleep however she is waking after 45 mins every time and can’t self settle. Is it a matter of waiting until she is old enough to do this or will it likely not happen without harsh sleep training? I’m loosing my mind knowing what to do but I cannot survive off this little sleep myself.

i also keep an eye on sleepy cues and wake windows. She fights sleep so much that she’s almost always overtired and we can’t seem to get out of this loop.
She has only once slept 6 hours straight throughout the night but we didn’t do any bring different that time so god knows what to do!

thanks!

The waking after 45 minutes sounds like it could be the 4 month sleep regression, have you had a Google about that?

Have you tried putting her in bed with you?

She is still very young to self settle. My DD didn't start doing it until she was 5 months and then only really for the morning naps. Didn't do it reliably until about 9 months. It's totally normal at their age x

I did wonder that but she’s been like this the past few weeks so thinking it’s a bit early for that?

I’ve tried putting her bed with me also, she does tend to sleep a little longer, maybe 2 hours but I still can only do this if I rock her to sleep and put her down when she’s in a deep sleep.

It’s so confusing know what’s normal or not. I am thinking that she is still young to expect her to self settle but it’s hard when you hear other people say their little one sleeps so easily. I’m just worried that I’ve build such bad habits of rocking to sleep that I’ll be doing but forever. It seems impossible that she’ll learn to do without.

I'm reading this as yet again I'm pacing the house with my 3 month 1 week old in the sling. She's been dreadful in the evening since 6 weeks, luckily the insane mom stop full on screaming that lasted 2-3 hours stopped at 12ish weeks, but she's still very fussy in the evening and the only way to calm her and get her to sleep is by wearing her and moving. Once in a deep sleep can put down (in my bed) and cuddle her, maybe breastfeed (tho she won't ever feed to sleep), then cuddle until she falls back to sleep. The last week or so its also been holding her arms down as otherwise she'll keep knocking her dummy out now she's found her hands and not swaddled anymore. Luckily when she's finally asleep, she does sleep well.

Daytime also fights all naps, can get 20-30min in pram sometimes if walk for 30-60mins first and keep walking. That's a new progression the last couple weeks v occasionally 20-30 min in bouncer if i bounce it whole rime before and duration of nap (the vibration setting is not enough).. but for a decent and most naps it's in the carrier and even then sometimes her 19month sister wakes her!

Sooo basically I'm here in solidarity. Its blooming hard! I live in hope she'll keep slowly progressing.. and praying thr sleep regression doesn't hit us as hard this time around!

It's difficult at that age because it is so easy for them to get over tired and then that makes it more likely for them to wake up quickly or even go to sleep at all. It's definitely worth trying with wake windows and to jiggle things around to see if any slight adjustments will help with the over tiredness.

I'd also try the pick up put down method but it does take time and patience, it isn't something that will magically fix it straight away but it's how I taught my baby to self settle at a young age.

This is normal. I think the most constructive thing you can do is adjust your expectations.

It's is normal and arguably healthy for a 3mo to wake frequently, it is a preventative against SIDS. It's incredibly hard, not helped by the persistence of western culture that we expect babies to sleep through the night. Utter nonsense for the majority of babies.

Are you breastfeeding? If so just feed back to sleep and co-sleep to make things easier. If not then have you looked into habit stacking?

Lyndsey Hookway has a lot of helpful ideas, but really at 3 months I would keep my expectations low and make things as easy as possible even if that means letting housework slide and having more quiet days or going to bed super early,

Our bedtime at this age was 8pm. Remember it's not for forever, just for now.

Is she sick much?

does she sleep better upright or head higher than heart?

it sounds very much like dc2. She had severe reflux so every time she laid down she was in pain and would wake up.

try little thinks like propping the end of the cot up, warming it before you pop her in etc.

in hindsight I wish I’d invested in a swing crib. Would have made those rocking hours a bit easier.

Have you got a routine with her? X

Yup she definitely gets overtired every time. She goes from 0-100 so trying to catch sleepy cues at the right time are difficult!

Yeah I am breastfeeding, I think that’s why it feels so hard as I can’t share that load!
I do currently tend to feed back to sleep but I am worried that I am creating a bad habit that will be hard to break?

I’ve tried to move her bedtime earlier but she seems to naturally go down for the night between 9-10 so I do always just go to sleep when she does.

Yeah we have a bedtime routine that is stick to no matter how the night before has went. I think the main issue with her is the lack of naps she has during the day. she’ll only get a good nap in if I let her sleep on me but that’s hard when we have to be out the house to get things done.

She isn’t sick much at all but I did think she had a bit of silent reflux a month or so ago but it seems to have cleared as she isn’t showing the same signs anymore. We do have her next to me crib at a tilt for that.

What things do you have to be out the house for that affect her naps? Can wear her fir most things, if you don't already

food shop, appointments & just getting out the house in general for my own sanity 🤣
if we can walk to where we need to go then the carrier is great but going out in the car and transferring her will almost always wake her and then it’s the same long process to get her back to sleep again. it’s not often she will fall asleep in the car or pram either, usually the motion does it for babies but she still fights this a lot of the time