to all those that have, drastically changed their lifstyles to become sahms, how did you achieve it?

[milkgoddess]

hi, i really really do not want to return to work in june. i like my job and its pays quite well,but i want to be with dd until shes at least five.
living our current lifestyle, there is a shortfall of £200 a month on dh money alone, i want to be with dd so badly im willing to do anything.
so far ive thought of, just getting into debt for 4 years, i think it would add upto about 2400x3 so 5200 overall, which once i started working again when dd is at school it wouldnt take long to pay back, although of course i would have to pay interest.

we live in an expensive house in an expensive area, we could move about 3 miles away from here, and buy say a 3 bedhouse and have almost no morgage, and although this area isn't as nice as here, its still nice with a nice large park and shops and pubs etc.

we alrady car share and i make food go a long way!

i would even move to a holiday camp mobile home if thats what it took.

what would you do?
move? take on bit of debt for 4 years ?
we are lucky we have no other debts at the moment, other than morgage.

what have you done to enable you to say home? and what would you do in this situation?

Someone mentioned growing your own veg - we save a lot of money by having an allotment. I also now have time to do a major shop at Aldi for the basics (rice, tins etc)& then go elsewhere for other stuff; butchers etc. This saves me a fortune, plus I've time to plan meals & cook properly. If you're at home you don't buy sandwiches & have other work expenses.

I have found it invaluable to be there for the dch - can always go to school plays & if one forgets sport kit I can drop it over, and of course they can relax at home & have friends round rather than being stuck in after-school club all the time.

The change in lifestyle is quite hard, but you get used to it. Havign a DH who supports yur decision is important; mine is happy that I'm home for the dch. Having said that, I do freelance now. I would say to 'keep your hand in' with work if you can - finding new work to fit round school hols isn't easy.

thank you so much for all these inventive tips. this place is such a great resorce isn't it.

oh yes tutoring i never thought of that, thats a good one unis

and another great point about doing something with the morgage we are both 30 and have about 22 years left but be have quite good equity so im sure we can fix something up.

i am definatley not going back to "work" on a formal employed basis, i do not want to feel i have a job.
and i do not really enjoy it.

yes i wish we had been more sensible and had saved more but then again we have had a blast over the years me and dh and sometimes suprises come along, i love being with dd, work can wait

OI thankyou for sharing your story with me i will head your advice, i hope your doing well now
i really admire they way youve worked so hard for your family, you must be a lovely mummy.

yes i could cook homemade meals and cakes etc for farmers markets, i used to buy that sort of stuff all the time
and i can grow my own veg too.

thanks

resource scuse typos baby on the boob here double

now we know how you thought of your mn name

glad you seem to have things sorted, you'll never regret spending this time with your dd, its worth the sacrifice

milkgoddess you are so lucky

I would move heaven and earth to be at home with ds, sadly dh had other ideas. I used to work full time but now do 34 hours over 4 days (so nearly full time just condensed) as dh just couldn't accept the change to lifestyle that it would mean if I took a substantial cut in wages. Your dh sounds a lovely supportive man!

When on mat leave I needed to make up quite a bit of cash and made a fair bit from ebaying too- junk/charity shop stuff that I liked was best, seemed that other people liked it too

Am 21 weeks pregnant with dc2 and this time round maternity leave is going to be more of a struggle (because I pay nursery fees I haven't been able to save for my half of the bills/mortgage etc) so I will be definitely doing more ebaying! Have been stocking up on the sorts of things I normally sell so that I can stand a chance of earning enough.

Good luck!
x

not saying mine isn't in other ways-

err sorry for errant bit of message- meant to say that dh is supportive in other ways

minkus, thats really sad

I took it for granted dh felt the same as me about me being at home with the kids, can't imagine what I'd do if he felt otherwise

Minkus, does your dh still expect you to pay half the bills and mortgage even now your carrying/caring for his dcs?

minkus, why doesn't your dh pay half the nursury fees?

hiya. Am in same boat as such. I have DS aged 3 years and DD aged 6 months(nearly). I went back to work full time on DS cos money was tight and I earned more than DH. Dh worked too but he was on regular hours i was on shift, so he saw more of DS than i did. I felt secretly cheated cos DS was closer to DH than me.
Now I'm going to try to be SAHM as long as is financially possible (DH got promoted, which means more money, but he is away alot), Things will still be tight but i missed out so much on DS already i dont want to miss anymore and i really want to be there for all DD firsts!
Again i hope it works out...will hwve to wait and see!

I gave up well paid job and now I sell on Ebay/website.

If you can find something you think you can sell, it can be a good option.

Also, I found that I didn't lose out as much as I thought I would as childcare costs were taking a HUGE chunk out of my salary. Once I subtracted those from the equation and the expense of cappucinos every day twice a day, stockings/office wear etc, I wasn't too out of pocket at all.

I did lots of free stuff with dd while we were at home and I continue to do so. Lifestyle is always a choice and you can choose how much you spend/get into debt. Personally, I couldn't sleep with that much debt hanging over me, but if you could, all power to you!

Squilly, I love the idea of selling on ebay a bit more seriously, b ut how did you find things that have a profit in them? I'm at a bit of a loss where to start. I already sell our old junk, usually successfully, but I don't know how to take it a step further?

When I was pg with dd1 we did the sums and realised that we couldn't afford for me to stop work, but decided to be a sahm anyway and 'work it out'. dd1 is now 8 and I went on to have another two dc's, when our youngest started school this year I went back to work.

We've had years of being v broke, but I wouldn't have changed it for the world. I also appreciate the change in income now and love working so much more than I did before.

The children had me at home for the whole of their preschool years and I'm still there when it's school pick up time.

I had SAHM-ness thrust upon me when DD2 was born prem and with problems that meant I couldn't go back to work.

So we were about £800-900 a month down losing my wage, but then I have no childcare to pay and we receive a small amount of disability benefits for her and Carers Allowance for me (doesn't replace a wage though.)

We have cut back drastically without really missing much - it's amazing how much money you fritter away when you have it. We changed our phone, mobile TV package to one of those 3 for £30 with Virgin deals, switched energy suppliers, always searched for the cheapest insurance etc. We rarely get new clothes (we ask for vouchers for Christmas and birthdays so we can get new stuff) and don't eat out very often.

I bet you could easily save £200 a month, and remember if you aren't working you may qualify for more Tax Credits depending on your DHs wage.

And your Child Benefit is about £70 a month for starters...
I think Sidge is onto something there - I'm going to look into changing our utilities and tv package to see how much we could save.
It's fair enough that some people want to keep their jobs going. But I felt exactly as you do, Milkgoddess - I wanted to stay at home with my children. People tried to persuade me that I should go to work part time, but I stuck to my guns. There are ways for most of us - especially if you have a supportive partner.

We moved from SE England back to Scotland (bit drastic if you aren't from Scotland though) got a bigger house for less mortgage so only one wage needed to pay mortgage. Had to wait a while to buy a new car and haven't had a holiday in a while but on the whole wouldn't change it for the world.

i was a footloose, fancy free, globe trotting free spirit, who did things like decide which country to live in next on the roll of a dice.
i was saving to train as a scuba diver and live in a tropical lagoon somehwere, with retirement plan consisting of saving enough for a rum shack on a beach with about 5 customers till the day i popped my clogs.

then i met dp. and within months (and not many of em) i was an expectant mother and sahm. five years on, here i am; mother of 3, sahm, identity crisis, the lot.

funny old game, life, eh?

actually, i could cut and paste that for a profile on here couldnt i? arf.

and, funnily enough, im the economic opposite to most in that i didnt have two pennies to rub together before ( but what i had i drank), but am significantly better off now. well, dp is and i have access to it. same difference (for time being at least) no?

Sushistar

Now that's the million dollar question!! What can you buy to make a profit on?

I tried kids duvets, but the bottoms fallen right out of that market, thanks to mad Ebayers selling stuff for less than you can buy it for. They must be much better at negotiating prices than me, that's all I can say! So I'm still looking for an easy, profitable line to market too.

For now, I'm still recycling junk of some description, my own or other people's. It's blummin hard work, keeping on top of what will and won't sell and then sourcing it, but it fits around dd so I'm happy to do it.

If you worked out an hourly rate, you'd jack it in yesterday. But if you figure the impact (non financial) to your house and home, you'd embrace it again in a heart beat.

And it gives me the chance to help out at school with kids that are struggling with reading.

I ditched the work crisis of 'what am I? Supermum or superworker' for a similar debate between Del Boy and Mother Therese

just wanted to say thatnks for all the good wishes on this post

i am determined to do it