Aibu-sleep training

[Firsttimemam123]

Please tell me honestly, my baby was an excellent sleeper, sleeping through the night since 4 months old. She is now 6 months old, Learnt to roll and started waking herself up 4/5/6 times a night. We would turn her back onto her back and she would immediately flip back onto her tummy and cry. I couldn’t cope with the sleep deprivation especially after having near perfect sleep for 2 months so my husband and I have decided to start some gentle sleep training to get her back on track and so far it has made a huge difference, she’s really improved. My husbands brother wants us to join him in their holiday home next weekend for the bank holiday, all my husbands family will be there. I think it’s a terrible idea to move our baby to a new environment in the middle of this sleep training and we should give this weekend a miss. My husband thinks I’m using it as an excuse to not go away with his family which is absolutely not true. I just feel that it’s bad enough we are leaving her to cry and self soothe for intervals at a time, I really feel it would be cruel to do it in an unfamiliar environment. I’m also concerned that if we pause the sleep training for the weekend, it will undo all the good progress we have made. It’s been hard enough not to run to her when she cries, I don’t want it to have all been for nothing. Aibu?

the idea of sleep training isn’t to restrict your life but to make it easier right?
you should be able to go and baby should either adapt fine or you get back after your trip and baby will adapt back fine.

sounds like your husband wants to go and it might be a nice break for you all

I would still go. It may be a slight set back but I found my baby adapted back very quickly whenever we got back home and back to normality. She may even be fine there and have no set backs at all. Sometimes my DS was fine when we went away, other times not.

You lost me at sleep training. They're a person, not a pet.
That aside, I think you should go. Babies wake up for various reasons. You can't live your life based on whether your child may or may not wake up

If she can roll herself then you can leave her to sleep on her front. I have a front sleeper as well and it’s unnerving but just how he is.

Sleep training? Harsh and cruel and dine for your benefit not the baby. Have a nap during the day when baby has one.

I also think you're using it as an excuse not to go away. Have baby in with you if you do t want to use a travel cot.

I didn't have any sleep deprivation with any of mine as I had them in with me and napped during the day with them.

This is not enough reason for me to cancel if I wanted to go, if you want to use it as excuse fine

@Dombasle 'Have a nap during the day when baby has one.'

This phrase annoys the hell out of me! OPs baby is 6 months, DH and OP likely less busy lives and the whole oh just sleep when baby sleeps is impossible to do! Even at that point in Mat leave I was busy, I was doing things and its difficult to nap when baby naps, it's not a useful phrase and does not help

No comment on sleep training, every parent needs to make their own decision but lucky you with no sleep deprivation. Not every baby sleeps as well as yours. My son woke every 20mins if he was in bed with me or not. He also would only nap in the sling due to reflux. I couldn’t nap with him. What about people with other children to look after or other commitments? Not everyone enough is lucky or privileged enough to be able to nap during the day.

Sorry, that was in response to @elephantmarchingin

Urm @Bee49 I said napping during the day was a stupid response it was @Dombasle who suggested napping when baby naps not me!

@Dombasle What a bloody stupid ridiculous and unhelpful post. I've got a 2yo and a 4yo and due my 3rd baby any day now.

How do you suggest I "sleep when the baby sleeps" when I've two toddlers to look after during the day? Should I lock them in a room so they don't escape while I nap? Is that a better idea than sleep training the baby?

Idiotic

There will unfortunately be lots of hurdles while your DC learn to sleep independently, illness and teething being the usual ones. I’d go. You can carry on once you’re back.

I have three kids and fully endorse (age appropriate) sleep training. Good sleep is critical for you and them.

just feel that it’s bad enough we are leaving her to cry and self soothe for intervals at a time

yes, it really is

My children are now adults. I never had any sleep deprivation because I caught up on my sleep and had naps when my babies slept during the day. That's my personal experience and that is my sisters too.

It can't be that gentle if you're leaving her crying for any length of time....

I’m generally a big fan of sleep training but remember its purpose is to make your lives easier not harder. If it’s so restrictive that you can’t go on holiday then I’d question if it’s worth it or if you’ve chosen the right method. I don’t know how it can be described as gentle yet still involve crying, and equally how a cry based method can still be on going. Usually it’s either gentle methods that takes ages but little to no upset. Or yes it’s cry based but it’s completely over and done with by night 3.

Also as an aside, it’s fine for her to roll in her sleep. If she can roll back to front but not front to back, which is unusual as babies usually do it the other way round first, do loads of tummy time in the day and show her what to do so she learns.

YABU

There will be so many random reasons for set backs in baby sleep, they happen and life moves on. Baby may start cutting teeth, they could get a cold, they might go through a development leap or they might be more sensitive to separation.

I found that baby’s of that age always sleep slightly worse when you go away anyway. You come how and things get back to normal soon enough.

It isn’t a reason to put your life on hold and not do things you enjoy.

Ignore this, so judgemental. Do what works for you as a family. I’d try and go - even if it does disrupt a bit, baby needs to get used to sleeping in different environments. Can you take her bedding etc so it smells familiar.

I would stay home and not disrupt the sleep training. Babies have to learn so much so it's hard for them, sleep is really good for their brains so I would prioritise helping your baby to learn to get better sleep.

There will be other weekends. It's a small sacrifice to help your baby sleep.

This.

As soon as babies can roll you leave them alone when they sleep.

Mine crawled around her cot after she learnt to crawl when she slept. We just let her get on with it as we chose her bedding to ensure she was safe.

There was a time when even new born babies were put to sleep on their front. In fact it was the only way DD would sleep.

Baby sleep changes as they develop. Changes like learning new skills often affect sleep. Your baby doesn’t need any trainings You cannot train them out of development, which is basically what you’re suggesting here. The issue here isn’t your babies sleep, but your understanding and acceptance of what is normal sleep for babies. You were lucky to have one that slept well to start, but actually it’s very typical for them to sleep better the first few months than the rest of the first year. Yes sleep deprivation is hard, but so are lots of aspects of parenting well. Leaving your baby to cry because you don’t like their normal development isn’t ok. Go to bed earlier, trade lie ins with your partner, safely cosleep (most babies sleep better this way), do what you need to to support your own sleep, her sleep will change again in its own time.

https://sarahockwell-smith.com/2017/07/24/the-rollercoaster-of-real-baby-sleep/

@Rocknrollstar and then we learnt this put them at much higher risk of SIDS so stopped doing it. Partly because they do sleep deeper on their fronts, and deeper sleep raises the risk of SIDS. Only applies until they can roll themselves though

@ironorchids this is such an out of date, unscientific view. Normal babies sleep changes with their development. Sleep is a biological function of the body, and frequent waking is normal for human babies. We haven’t evolved something that harms us. The idea that babies need to be taught to sleep ‘for their own good’ is just incorrect. Needing comfort and support to sleep isn’t a bad habit, we’re carry mammals with very underdeveloped young who need to feel safe to sleep

OP, ignore the martyrs on here who are drawn to sleep training posts like flies to faeces.

If the weekend away is something you actually want to do, I would give it a go. It may make very little difference to your baby's sleep pattern. They might sleep better in a different place! And a break would probably be good for you all, the first few months with a new baby can be a bit intense.