Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Family over stepping and being too much

3 replies

2023MumToBe · 29/07/2023 16:44

I’m just looking for some advice.

my baby is 8 weeks old today, and I’ve definitely become more outspoken since having my son, but not as much as I probably would have liked.

When I go to visit my dad, my stepmom doesn’t ask if she can hold my son, she just takes him straight out of the car seat to hold him, even if he is asleep. I may sound like a bit of a b*tch saying she should ask, but we don’t exactly have the best relationship or history.

I had the health visitor round the other day, and my son was crying, not excessively, he was just having a bit of a moan. I was holding him and comforting him while also speaking to the health visitors. She walked in the room and asked me “why is he crying?” And just took him from my arms and walked off with him. I then couldn’t really focus on my meeting with the health visitor as I was wondering where on earth she had taken my son.

she previously told me I should be giving him water after every feed, because that’s what they do in Thailand. As much as I respect we all may do things differently, I don’t want to personally do that with my son. He doesn’t need water unless he is constipated or dehydrated, as advised.

every time I go to see my dad she tells me I need to cut his nails (I do, regularly, but I’m sure we all know how fast babies nails grow). I’ve also been told I’m doing something wrong because he is losing his hair, even though I thought that was normal for babies as they tend to sleep on their back? She also tried to tell me I need to make his formula bottles with half cold water and half boiling so that the bottle is ready for him, instead of making him wait.

I don’t know how to go about this? I want to speak to my dad but previously all he has done is take her side on things and get short with me. Im a first time mum and im worried maybe I am being too protective?

I’ve also kindly asked family members not to kiss my son, until he is older and his immune system is stronger. Yet absolutely everyone has ignored this request.

my partners mum told me I need to drop my son off to her so she can have him for a night, but I can’t understand why? He’s eight weeks old, and I don’t need anyone to look after him yet. I’m on maternity leave so I want to spend as much time with him as I can, before I have to go back to my full time job. But his family are being quite funny with me as I don’t want to leave him with them, or anyone, just yet. I feel like I’m still bonding with him and this is precious time, am I wrong to think like this? They see him regularly, I just don’t want to leave him over night. Also my partners mum spends all hours of the day on her phone bitching and gossiping and I don’t want that negativity around him. She’s too interested in her phone and I’m worried she wouldn’t give him the attention he needs at this age.

any advice on how to grow a pair of balls without offending anyone would be fantastic please. As my partner is telling me I’m being over protective.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Olika · 29/07/2023 17:32

I think it's common to be more protective with a first kid than the rest of them. What you have described would have driven me mad when mine was that young. I would have never left her with relatives at that age and if anybody tried to take her from me without asking for it I would have snapped. I am sure they mean well but I wouldn't accept any of the behaviour you have described. I would simply not give the baby to anybody until they ask and if they tried to snatch her from me I would tell them to ask. You could always say that you are a first time mum and you need to learn and you cannot do that if they don't let you. Milk is definitely made with boiled water that can stand max 30min so just ignore their opinions. You can always say you are following current guidelines. It's your baby so you make the rules.

TinyTeacher · 29/07/2023 18:24

Yikes, that's quite a list....

Pick your battles and have stock phrases prepared. Some things you may just have to grit your teeth over - I can't see you winning the kissing argument without making a really huge fuss and if DP doesn't back you... remember that subsequent children get exposed to all sorts via siblings and they are ok. Overnights they really can't force though, so I'd stand firm on that one. "Thanks for your kind offer, I'm sure DS will love that when he's older and I'll let you know when we feel he's ready" (repeat, repeat, repeat.....). Bottles I'd just go with a breezy "Thanks, but I'm happy doing it how it says in the box".

Fighting in all fronts would be really tiring. You can keep it light and cheerful without giving in on much. Just keepsmiling and repeating yourself until they start to look silly.

Olika · 02/08/2023 10:47

How you getting on with the relatives? X

New posts on this thread. Refresh page