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Original poster

MILs dog nipped DS

49 replies

MissL21 · 28/07/2023 22:14

Hi guys. Sorry for the lobg post.
I need some advice on how to best handle an already difficult situation.
Last year, my inlaws had a family bbq, my DS was 7 months old. They have 2 dogs, 1 is very boisterous and they have no control over it whatsoever and I already disliked going there.
My BIL was holding my DS when the dog jumped up and nipped his foot and when he squealed he jumped again and nipped his hand. I immediately took DS and said to my DP we are leaving right now. I went inside with him and packed our stuff. My MIL made a big drama saying that he only jumped and nipped because DS was crying. I adamantly told her that he absolutely wasn't making any noise when the dog nipped the first time. We went back outside to say goodbye and the same thing happened again. He jumped and nipped. Now I'm not saying this was a vicious attack that drew blood. But it left scratchy marks and that isn't the point. I made it very clear that I didn't feel safe and we were leaving. My MIL was crying saying she was sorry etc. My SIL then told me that I was right to be angry and upset and the same thing had happened to her DD when she was little.
We haven't been over there since and my DP has explained why.
I'm concerned asit's coming up to the time of year they have this family bbq every year and a family member has been given awful news, I don't want to make any more dramas about it but am I being unreasonable for not wanting to take my DS there? We have a dog of our own and he adores her, they play all the time and with him being a year older I don't want him to want to be full on with their dog. DP says he won't allow him out of his site and won't let him walk around but he's a toddler, there's no way he's not going to be running around the place. I have suggested we go out for a meal instead but DP says we can't avoid going there forever. I have argued that we can if it means keeping our son safe! I've also thought about whether they would lock the dog away but I can't see them agreeing to it.
Please help, its causing ao much anxiety, stress and tension which I don't need as I'm also 12 weeks pregnant.

OP posts:

legalseagull · 29/07/2023 08:09

Why on earth won't MIL just put the dog away whilst you're there?

Get DH to say "mum, can you lock the dog away, otherwise we don't feel it's safe to come"

hiding5675687 · 29/07/2023 08:11

If the dog had history it should have been in a locked room and never had a chance to nip your DC. Only visit if it is locked in a room.

lotsofdogshere · 29/07/2023 08:14

I’m with everyone else. The dog must be either in dog day care, or safely secured in a room with a sign on the door ‘do not open - dog in here’. My dogs go into the utility, where they sleep, when my small grandchildren arrive. My two are a small, soft spaniel and a huge boisterous adolescent lab. He’s an enthusiastic greeter and could alarm or knock a toddler over with his wagging tail. no way are they given priority, or let loose around tiny children.

beckym232 · 29/07/2023 08:16

You can go if they secure the dog and leave it secured so you don't see it while your there. If they refuse to do this then you don't go. That's better than a flat no but I suppose there's still room for things to go wrong (if someone lets it out or it escapes or whatever).

Either way your baby comes first so do whatever you feel comfortable with. I have a very loving but very boisterous dog and if I ever have friends or family around with small babies he is locked away.

pickledandpuzzled · 29/07/2023 08:18

Tell DH it isn't forever.

It's just until the dog is older and calmer, (trained and put away) and your DS is past the stage where he's both particularly vulnerable and particularly interesting to the dog.

If the dog doesn't bother the older DC, then hang on till your DC is older.

And MiL can cry as much as she likes, but if she was that bothered she'd take steps about the dog.

TheUsualChaos · 29/07/2023 08:28

I wouldn't go into any lengthy discussion about it with PIL. Keep it very simple. You can all come to the BBQ provided the dog is kept away from your DC. The dog is known to have nipped children on two separate occasions so it is not like you are being in any way irrational.

Feverly · 29/07/2023 08:41

Your boyfriend says you all ‘can’t avoid going there forever’ makes him sound a bit thick, the animal has bitten your baby three times and bitten SILs kid too. Anyone with a brain in their head would not put their kid near the animal for a repeat performance. The owners should have told you exactly what they’ve don’t to ensure the animal won’t attack again-report the attacks themselves/euthanised it/gave it to a charity/bought a muzzle/put a lock on a room to contain it when guests are there. If they’ve done absolutely nothing it’d be actively endangering your child to offer him/her up to get bitten yet again.

Feverly · 29/07/2023 08:42

*what they’ve done

Boomboom22 · 29/07/2023 08:44

I'd report to the police and no way would I allow my kid there. Be upfront too, I can't trust you to look after your dog. Normal people put their dogs inside a bbqs anyway, they don't allow them to run round attacking people and pulling food down.

KingTriton · 29/07/2023 08:46

What breed is it? How old?

Your in-laws are idiots quite frankly. Honestly what is wrong with people? All they have to do is put the dog in another room whilst you're there and all this drama could be avoided.

But no, they want to dig their heels in and have it all on their terms. So I would dig my heels in just as hard and refuse to go.

WunWun · 29/07/2023 08:46

I would only go back if it was locked away somewhere. Even then it would need to be agreed that it wouldn't be brought out to go to the toilet

Hollyppp · 29/07/2023 08:49

I would never risk my child for a dog

Overthebow · 29/07/2023 08:50

You can’t go, your DS has already been bitten twice. Your son comes first over a dog and MIL.

FoodFann · 29/07/2023 08:54

Absolutely report to the police. I would not want to continue to have a rship with anyone who endangers my baby. So, I would cut contact entirely.

Codlingmoths · 29/07/2023 08:54

If you and sil had reported that dog would have been put down. That tells you everything about whether you are being reasonable about not taking ds to the house again. I’d give mil a choice and a last chance - if the dog is locked away and not let out for the duration you are there you will come. It’s her choice. No need for you to care that she’s upset she doesn’t get to have ds there if she’s made the choice not to make the house safe. Dp should focus on that - idont know why you wouldn’t lock the dog in a room for a whole 3 hours!! You can go visit it, but if you let it out we are leaving and ds won’t be back. You’re bloody lucky my wife didn’t report it and your dog be put down, he went for our 7 month old baby and OF COURSE my wife is not ok about it.

DustyLee123 · 29/07/2023 08:55

Absolutely don’t go, you safeguard your child.

ZebraD · 29/07/2023 08:58

My mums dog was nuts, we used to lock him away. Mum wasn’t bothered in the slightest. If a dog can’t behave then they have to suffer the consequences.
I bave just taken on a rescue dog, I don’t trust her one bit with little ones. Wouldn’t dream of allowing her in same room without me having her next to me and she hadn’t even bitten anyone yet. I can just tell she gets edgy.
Why on earth would your MIL not consider putting the dog away while you visit.
Of she wants to out the dog before your child then she knows her consequence! It’s simple.

meridian37 · 29/07/2023 09:11

OP, I posted recently about my father's dog. It's a large dog and fully grown. He has no control over it

My DD4 is scared by the dog, my dad is passive/aggressive with his comments and if he puts the dog outside or in the closed conservatory he makes a really big deal about it or before you know it she's back in the house harassing us

As of last weekend, my DD no longer goes to his house. It's as simple as that

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 29/07/2023 10:50

Don't go and make it clear why. Does MIL realise that if your baby gets hurt the dog will have to be put down? Maybe she needs a reminder.

Your DH can go on his own if he wants to. Or you meet them some place else or at your house.

If you really want to go however, is there anyone in your family that would like to spend some time with DS so he's having a great time with family and you two can still go?

Seeline · 29/07/2023 11:05

No way would I be going.

And I don't think shutting the dog away would work for a big family BBQ - the chances of it getting out are far too great. And it would only take seconds for real damage to be done.

It may work if it was just your family visiting, but I'd want it in a crate rather than just behind a door. And I certainly wouldn't risk it when the new baby comes if it's triggered by crying.

AegonT · 29/07/2023 11:09

Ask them to keep the dog in another room as you can't expect your son to be held all the time - anyway that didn't keep him safe last time. If they won't then offer to meet them out for a meal without the dog. If they won't do that then your DH should go alone.

sommeliermama · 29/07/2023 16:30

No way would I go back. As much as I love dogs, any dog that has attacked children should be put down unless the owners know for sure that it never goes anywhere near children when off its lead. Your PILs sound so careless and sadly it seems like something that could happen again.

35965a · 29/07/2023 16:33

I wouldn’t go back again, ever.

Sickofchangingmyfuckingusername · 29/07/2023 16:49

This must have been very worrying for you. I am sure MIL will lock dog away. Just ask.

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