Overwhelmed by school planning and feeling like a shit mum!

[randommangoandpear]

My son will turn 4 in February, so we have to start thinking about schools this September.

We aren’t in the area we plan to stay long term, but moving right now would be a struggle financially.

My son goes to nursery in a different city (where we used to live) because he was there for a year before the move, absolutely loves it, and his dad works in the same city so it’s easier for collection etc.

But now I feel terrible that my son won’t have the chance to go to school with any of his nursery friends. Does it really matter? The thought of switching schools in a couple years if we move also upsets me, though DP switched schools as a kid and had no issues, I was moved and it was hugely detrimental.

Anyone else feeling overwhelmed? He’s eager to learn and super social, DP doesn’t want to hold him back until compulsory age anyway and truthfully I think it would be a mistake too.

I just want to do right by him and it’s so hard. School was TERRIBLE for me so I want to give him the best start.

Ok, deep breath. You’re overthinking it. He’ll be fine, loads of other kids won’t know anyone in their class either, if you move him by the end of year 1 it’ll be no issue whatsoever.

Unless you live in a fairly small village, you might not have ended up at school with his nursery friends anyway. We went to our closest nursery and school, but most of the nursery children actually lived in a different village slightly further off and went to their local primary school instead, and another nursery friend ended up being in the year below at school anyway, due to the school-age boundaries and birthdays.

My daughter has just finished her first year or Reception and she was one of a small handful who didn't attend the pre-school attached to the school. She has been absolutely fine. As a result of where we live, I wasn't sure that she would get into the school that she currently attends, so didn't want to commit to the pre-school.

There has been some movement in her class of 30 this year (3 have left and 3 new children have joined) and all of the new children seem to have settled well. I think finding the right fit of pre-school/nursery is key, as is choosing the right primary school for your family.

DD went to a nursery a 7 minute drive from us and didn't end up going to the same primary as any of her friends because there are 5 primary schools between here and there. It didnt matter at all and she had a whole load of new friends by the end of the first day.

Almost none of the dc at DDs day nursery went to the same school as any of the other dc - we're in London so families were scattered in all directions and nearest schools cover a very small catchment. Completely normal around here.

DD has just finished Reception and about half of the dc came up from the school's nursery. I think they were a little cliquey at first and it took slightly longer to settle, but by the end of the year it's all evened out.

Not sure how oversubscribed the area is where you plan to move, or how far it is, but it's possible to get a place in a school if you live nowhere near it, if it's undersubscribed, if you wanted to start off in the school you wanted to go to long term. Or if it's has other admissions criteria that you meet, e.g Church attendance. We got a place in a school that was a few miles away, and we travelled by train to the school for the first term before we could move house closer to the school. But if you're not absolutely sure you'll move there it's a bit of a risk to get stuck with the commute.

Just make sure you check websites for open days coming up in the Autumn, perhaps try to visit schools in the area you live and also where you hope to move. Check the council's websites for information on admissions criteria and last distance offered/catchment.

You're overthinking it. Plenty start reception not knowing anyone and IME there are a good few who leave (and new DCs join) each year. DD1 has just finished yr4 and I couldn't even tell you how many have left her class since reception. DD2 has had 5 - I think! Might be more! - leave this last year and 3 join (yr2).
Some do struggle with the move, but those that do have been the DCs who are very shy or have gone on to have SEN diagnosed down the line (and are very intolerant to change generally). I know a good number have flourished.
I'd pick the best school you are likely to get where you live and worry no more for now. You never know what the future holds, and any planned moves can end up being delayed for any number of reasons. Cross that bridge if and when you get to it.

I always think its best to teach children about change when they're younger and it will be more normal when they're older, and more comfortable when things can't stay the same. We can't provide the ideal set of circumstances with everything in their lives and they do learn to adapt if they're exposed to it.
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