DD2 still getting upset at nursery drop off

[Finnygook]

Hoping for a bit of advice on what we could do to solve this.

My daughter (turns 2 in a few weeks) has been at her nursery 2 days a week since January, so over 6 months now.

However she still gets really upset and cries for me when I drop her off and it breaks my heart. Her key worker tells me that she is absolutely fine within 10 mins and I see lots of pictures of her on the app playing happily and with others. She’s even made a couple of friends that have come to our house for play dates. She eats well and sleeps well when she’s there and nursery have no concerns.

It’s just the drop off. It seems like all the others toddle in quite happily while she is in bits 😪

Is there anything I can do to make this easier for her?

Can the nursery advise on anything that can be done at all?

I work in year R and we have had children (obviously slightly older) who have also struggled. You could try adding a coloured dot to the palm of your hand and your child’s. Each of you ‘press it’ when you drop her off and it sends ‘magic love’ to each other throughout the day. The nursery can help her re colour the dot throughout the day if it rubs off. (a little distraction at the door)

She may also be a little young but could the nursery give her a certain ‘job’ or activity, the same each day, that she could help with as soon as she come in. That way she always knows what to expect during the first part of the day and you can remind her of this as your are dropping her off.

Also, I’m sure you already do but just make mornings as stress free and calm as possible.

I completely understand though as my baby will be going off to nursery after Christmas and I would find it hard seeing her go in upset too.

2 days per week isn't very often and little kids often need more regular routines to help.adjust to something like nursery. Maybe the other children go more frequently or have been there longer?

Also, how are you doing the drop off? Best thing is always for mum to stay upbeat and positive and get the goodbye part over quickly. Don't hang around, don't drag it out. You might already be doing this!

Also, she's still little.🤗She's just coming to terms with the transition and the routine change

Oh, that's really tough, poor you. Mine used to get sleepy on the journey and then would be tearful at drop off. Days where she didn't start dozing, she'd toddle in happily. Ultimately, she just grew out of it.

No advice really, just solidarity. It's such a shitty start to the day.

Is she going 2 consecutive days then 5 days off? That can be a big gap and take them longer to settle. Obviously ignore if it not that!

Dd took over 3 months to settle at 3 years old and she went 2.5 days a week and it was just time that fixed the issue.

Sounds crazy but is being carried to the door or walking? My dd (a bit younger) was having the be pulled off me at the door as i was holding her in tears, it was heartbreaking. One day I put her on the floor to sort her shoe out by the car and she just wanted to walk so I let her and she toddled in and even waved bye. Me and key worker were visibly shocked. She hasn't cried at drop off since now I let her walk in.

May be useless information as your dd older and probably walks in but I would never have thought of it until it happened

We do a lot of talking about how much fun DS is going to have at nursery and what a boring day everyone is going to have at work.

I have said DS could stay at home if he could tell me who was looking after him for the day and have reminded him that the dogs do not count!

It is hard

Thank you for all the lovely replies and ideas.

She goes on Tuesdays and Thursdays so 4 days off between pick up on Thursday and drop off the following Tuesday. We have been away a few times so she’s missed a few weeks which hasn’t helped I suspect.

Nursery tell me that it does just take time for some children and they aren’t worried as she is absolutely fine 10 mins later! They have tried a few things such as having one staff member take a smaller group of children in the garden to avoid the noisy/overwhelming drop off rush but it didn’t make much difference.

I like the idea of her having a little job actually, so I will ask about this! I also do carry her to the door because if I try putting her down straight from the car she gets upset at that point and all the way to the door 😔I may try and get a late start at work one day and walk down with her to see if this makes a difference tho.

Its just so tough and it breaks my heart to see her cry and have to just wave and walk away 😥I’ve even done the calculations to see if we could afford for me to give up work but we just can’t. Argh 😣

My old nursery used to give her a biscuit to get her to stop. They were a bit old school though and I imagine that's broadly frowned upon 😂

You don't need to give up work. It's hardest for you, she's fine. She's just having a little cry and then playing for a few hours. It'll get better as she gets older.

Mine asked me why I couldn't be one of the 'big friends' at nursery once and it broke my heart. Now she can't even be bothered to say goodbye to me at drop off because she's too busy heading in.

@Duttercup personally I would allow the biscuit but I'm sure it would cause chaos amongst the other children

We have recently moved ds (just turned 2) to a childminder because he just didn't seem to be settling at his nursery. It has made the world of difference, even from week 1 and he loves going to the cm now.

We're planning on revisiting a nursery/preschool setting for his preschool year but for now I'd rather he was happier in a smaller group.

My D's is 3.5 and has been going to nursery 2.5 days a week for 2 years. I am not exaggerating when I say he has, literally, only just starting to walk in without being upset despite being mostly ok once he's there. We swapped nurseries in Jan and they're much better at keeping a drop off routine which has slowly but surely helped him.

And yes I would always keep drop offs quick and yes I tried for "upbeat/easygoing" but F me it's hard keeping that up time after time. People who don't have to go through it just don't get it. I considered many times giving up work even though we couldn't have afforded it anyway. If he hadn't settled so much better at his new nursery I probably would have tbh.

Things that helped the mornings for us were having a solid morning routine, having everything layed out ready like bag, hat, shoes because ds gets anxious about packing stuff up. Breaking stuff up with a story if he was especially emotional. He takes his comfort teddy with him. We race to the car. He gets a tiny choc bar on the way 😬🤣

He's doing amazingly well now, has a few friends, is really close with the fantastic ladies who work there. Even tells us the fun things he does there. Doesn't mean he's not ecstatic that nursery is closed for 6 weeks and he gets ime at home and with his grandparents etc!

Honestly, some kids are just criers.

DD has been happy and settled at nursery for two years but still cries more times than not!

If she's quickly settled I wouldn't worry.

I found having a picture of the nursery as part of our morning routine really helpful 'Now, next, later' in case its the transition she struggles with,

DD cries because she doesnt want to leave me, not because she doesnt want to go to nursery which is why she is fine as soon as shes in the room.

Mine was like this for a while, we found bringing in a special toy from home helped initially. Also having my DH do the drop offs for a while helped a lot as well as keeping things quick and breezy. The less fuss made the better

So I parked further up the hill this morning and she walked in holding my hands and was totally fine! She scurried up to the door and just walked in, no fuss. Hopefully not just a one off!