To genuinely wonder if I'm cursed?

[potentially]

DD was born 3 years ago, suffered a stroke at birth. No reason as to why this happened. Took me a long time to get over it.

Gave birth to second DD last week. Very nervous pregnancy & I had counselling throughout, along with extra scans to check for anomalies.

Baby born by elective c section. Went home. Day 3 I felt something wasn't right. He's now in ICU with viral Meningitis.

Yesterday I started experiencing excruciating pains in my stomach. Sent for CT scan. Then sent straight to emergency surgery as it turns out when my C section was done, part of my intestine slipped in between a muscle & a stitch. So here I am having had 2 big ops within 8 days of each other. One child in NNU.

I'm trying to be practical but seriously wonder if I'm cursed? I don't want to feel sorry for myself. But to have both kids in ICU. To have such a rare complication from the C section. Seriously considering seeking someone out (no idea who, someone spiritual?!) to see if there is anything to all this.

Just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. I really hope you and your little one are feeling better soon x

No I don't think you are cursed. But a run of bad luck can certainly feel that way. I'm sorry you've had to go through all that. Just be mindful that thinking you're cursed doesn't become a self fulfilling prophecy.

You don’t have a curse. You had some bad luck. Statistically those 3 things together are rare but most people will have a shitty run of luck at one time or another. My dad died, my husband got cancer, his dad died and we had a baby die. Was I cursed? No. Might shitty things happen again, yep. C’est la vie.

No because curses aren’t real. You’ve had bloody awful luck. That’s all. Sometimes things happen all at once. Hoping for better health for you and yours ahead.

Thanks for your perspectives everyone ❤️

So sorry to hear you're having a hard time OP.
No there are no such thing as curses, you have experienced some things that have happened by chance. If you speak to lost people terrible things have happened to them at some point in their lives. I won't go into my own life but many awful things have happened to me and family members through no fault of our own. Why does someone get cancer? Why is someone in a car accident? Why do some children die? These are all terrible unexplainable things that happen by chance. You will recover soon and be home with your babies. Sometimes when terrible things happen it makes us appreciate what we do have. Maybe go back to counselling for a while as you've experienced trauma, hope you feel better soon

So amazing news.. we are home. I'm grateful, I am. However now freaking out as DS has coughed once or twice. I have had health anxiety which given my previous post has gotten much worse the last week.

I just feel so scared of every move DS makes & it's not his fault one bit, it's mine. Why did I try for another baby, why couldn't I be happy as we were. DD is now 4, communicates incredibly well, v independent. I'm now back at the baby stage with a baby who is 2 weeks old & because of the last week in the NNU I am going to worry about him getting a cough/cold.. I can just feel the panic. I'm a mess when DD gets a virus but at least she can tell me what is wrong. I don't want to take DS anywhere incase he gets poorly again. If this is a cough he has, I wonder if due to the last week we would just get sent straight to hospital to err on the side of caution.. I'm overthinking everything & it's so so hard. I keep thinking about the last week, his emergency admission to ICU, the fact they fucked my C section & I needed corrective surgery. I don't want to waste time feeling sorry for myself. I'm just wondering WTF I was thinking having another child. This sounds bloody awful, I repeat it is not the baby, it is not his fault, it's mine. I feel stuck & sad. What can I do.

You need to seek help for your MH. Speak to your mw or GP. The panic and fear can be treated.

I have been in a similar psychological place to where you are right now, post-partum, in other circumstances. A few days after birth was when it really kicked in. Alongside the terrible luck you've had, the hormones are flying around. i remember how real and accurate my thinking felt, although now, looking back on it with almost 8 years of hindsight, I can see I was in an exceptional state. It's not surprising that you feel the way you do - you've really been through it. But you don't have to suffer it. Speak to your MW.

Yes, please do this.

The stress and hormone storm surrounding giving birth can test your mental health at the best of times, and you have certainly not been having the best of times! What an absolutely awful run of bad luck you've had. Our brains do their best to make connections between events in order to try to avoid future dangers, which in some ways work well (fire will burn you, we all learn that at an early age) but in other ways isn't really adapted to modern living.

None of this is your fault, and fortunately there's support available. 💮

@ShoesoftheWorld @TheBeautifulLisette Thank you for your comments. I started an antidepressant today, have been in touch with the counsellor I was talking to whilst I was pregnant & tomorrow am seeing the midwife. I am struggling to see how this feeling will ever lift. I'm just sad & terrified. Like I'm in a bad dream. My DD & my relationship already feels distant. She was so looking forward to the birth of her brother & now she is upset that he cannot play with her, despite me always telling her this would never be the case when he's so small. I just feel I've done the wrong thing completely for our family. I'm beyond grateful to be home I just didn't expect to feel like this.

Gosh you’re really in the thick of it. I obviously don’t know exactly what you’re feeling but I was diagnosed with PND a few months after DC2 was born. Depression (not saying that’s what you have) lies to you and tells you things won’t get better. You don’t have to try to see how everything’s going to be going forward, just take it from feed to feed for now. Honestly, you’ve had so much to deal with, it would almost be surprising if you were feeling 100% ok!

Please be sure to share how you’re feeling with your counsellor and midwife so they can support you IRL. I can promise you that things will get better. I can also tell you that an awful lot of mothers struggle with guilt when they have a second child. It can be a massive upheaval for the firstborn. Many if not most of them go on to have a wonderful bond with their new sibling. Rest assured your DD will be fine in that regard.

Oh that must be so scary for you. I had a bad car accident in my 20's. I was late for work by a few mins that day and hit head on by a driver oversteering and ending up on my side of the road. 5 weeks in ICU and 8 operations to fix me. If I'd done ANYTHING differently that morning it wouldn't have happened. Proper sliding doors moment. Since then I've had 3 miscarriages. Also I've had 2 operations to fix a heart disorder, both have a 98% success rate and both failed. BUT in between all that I had a healthy baby daughter and she makes me not give a damn about any of the other stuff. You've had incredible bad luck OP, but that's all it is, and there will be such good times ahead. You will remember these dark events as awful but you will be looking on from a brighter place and you will appreciate what you have so much more. Sending you the biggest hugs for good recoveries for all of you.