How old is to old to have a baby?

[midnights0]

Me and my fiancé have been TTC for nearly a year now. I've had a miscarriage at 5 weeks & a MMC at 12 weeks - 6 weeks ago. My fiancé is 39, 40 this year. I'm 27. He would have just turned 40 by the time our baby should have been born. We had some comments about that. He has 2 kids from a previous marriage, age 16 and 12. The kids were really excited to have younger sibling. We are taking a break of TTC until our wedding in Oct, then trying again. I've had a few comments off people saying my fiancé will be to old to have a baby by the time I have one. I'm hoping to have a baby in the next year or 2, but nothing is guaranteed, he says he will keep going as he so desperately wants a baby with me too, I said maybe another 3-4 years of trying?

Is 40-45 to old to become a father to a newborn again? He's very fit, active, works full time doing manual work. Does. Not. Rest, lol. He does everything and more! I don't want to have our rainbow baby and people put a downer on it cos of his age. I mean we are going to do it anyway because it's what we want (and he doesn't care what people say) I'm just wondering other peoples views, thanks if you read this

If he's in good health.... You shoul
d think about how old he will be when they are teenagers and if he'll have the energy for that. My FIL remarried and had 2 further children when he was 48/49. He has found the late teenage years hard, and the younger one took a gap year before Uni so he'll be 72 when that one graduates. I think that's a bit too old, he's not likely to be around for any granchildren in any meaningful way and I think that's a bit sad, especially as he doesn't see our children often because one of his children still lives at home and needs lots of support.

The likelihood of your child having autism increased with paternal age.

His age isn't a problem, but I suspect having 2 kids already will be the cause of some problems. He's been there and done that.

I think 40 is too old tbh. Would be to me anyway.

I also wonder what sort of involvement he's had with his younger kids growing up. I have a 16 year old and an 11 year old and am 38. I just can't imagine EVER wanting more kids. It takes a lot out of you, so the fact he's planning more kids just makes me think "why?". Unless he's not done much of the day to day stuff for the older kids (which would make me wary for other reasons)

My dp is 44 and we have a 1 year old. He's the best dad ever. X

Dh and I were both 40 when our youngest was born. All good

I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at a 40 year old Dad.

But, for me personally, any age after 30 is too old. I wanted my DC to remember me and to be around for them as long as I can.

I had a surprise baby at 41
I had my first baby at 21
It's been no different pregnancy wise or parenting wise

Thank you everyone for your comments and insight, it's wonderful to see how many great 'older' dads there are!!!

@Dacadactyl he is very much involved with the 2 older kids and still is, we have them 3x a week. He's been a great father to them and still is, it's not fair to make the assumption he may not have been because he wants another baby with his new partner

@gallop17 I don't think that's the cause of any problems, we have had a very long lengthy discussions on whether to have children together, long long talks, it was him who brought it up the first time and it just went from there, he may have been there and done that but he wants to do it again lol probably mad,

My husband turned 40 two weeks before our first, I already had two boys prior to this. He was 41 with our second and 43 when we had our last child. He is 52 now and is a great dad, plays football with the boys and was on our trampoline a few weeks ago bouncing along with all 3 of them.

Honestly... My dads parents were 45 when they had him, and I think after they died my dad always resented the fact his parents had him late and he got so much less time with them then his older siblings. I realise this may not be what you wanted to hear.

Blimey-ageism lives and breathes and stalks Mumsnet, doesn't it!