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Original poster

Permission to take kids abroad on holiday

69 replies

anotherdisaster · 26/07/2023 14:41

Hi All, I've read other threads on this. The consensus (and on official gov site) is you should have written permission from the other parent. My worry is that my ex is very unpredictable and I'm not 100% sure I will get it.

OP posts:
Original poster
anotherdisaster · 26/07/2023 21:48

MadeInChorley · 26/07/2023 21:40

I was stopped by UK Border Control (Stansted) on the return to the UK from
a summer holiday with my 3 x DCs. DH was on the same flight, but he went ahead with his biometric passport to get the bags while I waited in line with the DCs.

I am happily married to DH - he is my DC’s legal/biological father and they have his name and we were all on the same flight. But I was stopped because of a difference in our surnames. UKBC demanded a letter from their father confirming that I’m their mother and allowed to travel alone with my DCs. They were very aggressive and separated me from my DCs and asked some pretty personal questions!!

OP, I know it’s not an answer to your specific question, but there is a massive over-reach by UK Border Control in asking for “proof” from a father that another person can travel with kids, even when nothing is flagged.

And while I’m alive to the risk of parents/carers taking children abroad in defiance of another partner, I was returning to the UK. This only arose because I never changed my birth name to my husband’s, which is not the law. This is not Saudi Arabia and I don’t need to change my name and I don’t need a male guardian to permit me to travel but I still had a pain in the ass experience.

Thank you for sharing your experience. This is the sort of thing I'm asking about. I will 100% try to get the consent letter (of course). I'll be taking their birth certificates too. I only posted on here because my concern is that he will agree to the letter and then change his mind just before we leave. Obviously that is worse case scenario.

OP posts:
ZeroFucksGivenToday · 26/07/2023 21:54

If you get on vaguely with him, I'd type the letter for him, and just wave it under his nose at a pick up/drop off and just ask for a quick signature.
As yet, neither me nor my ex have ever been asked for anything regarding my DD. The only time I got him to sigh one was when I went to America as I'd heard they could be a bit funny about it. No one asked and all has been fine.

MaxwellCat · 26/07/2023 22:05

anotherdisaster · 26/07/2023 21:45

Looks like you're the one who hasn't read it. It doesn't exactly cover every single situation.

Show quote history

It does if you read it properly. It states you need a court order if you can't get permission. Maybe read it again?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
HowcanIhelp123 · 26/07/2023 22:09

Do you already have a court order stating you're resident parent? I believe if you have a lives with order it often includes a clause stating resident parent can take the child on holiday without permission from other parent as long as below a certain length of time.

Assignedtoworryyourmother · 26/07/2023 22:14

My ex refused to give me a letter and said he'd have me done for abduction if I took DD on holiday. We have the same surname so I just never told him we were going. Only got asked once at passport control and DD knew the drill around where we were going and how long for, so all fine.

getafringenotbotox · 26/07/2023 22:22

Been to Greece, Turkey, Cyprus (more than once for all) and I've never been stopped or asked and we have different surnames:

johsq20 · 26/07/2023 22:35

I've never been stopped leaving the country but whenever I have been stopped weirdly enough it's at the UK border coming back into the country. Then they start with their million questions - it never makes sense to me, as we are returning to the UK on British passports - if I were trying to abduct my child surely you should try and stop me on the way out of the country not on the way back home ??

I would say always bring birth certificate at a minimum. Get a letter of consent if you can to make things smoother as you may get a jobsworth behind the desk.

Original poster
anotherdisaster · 26/07/2023 23:06

Read what I said again “it doesn’t cover all situations”. Does it cover what to do if the Dad agrees then changes his mind at the last minute?

OP posts:
Original poster
anotherdisaster · 26/07/2023 23:09

MaxwellCat · 26/07/2023 22:05

It does if you read it properly. It states you need a court order if you can't get permission. Maybe read it again?

Show quote history

Read what I said again. It doesn’t cover all situations. Does it cover what to do if the dad agrees then changes his mind last minute?

OP posts:
MaxwellCat · 26/07/2023 23:11

If they change their mind then you can't go. It's that simple really. They can withdraw consent.

Original poster
anotherdisaster · 26/07/2023 23:13

MaxwellCat · 26/07/2023 23:11

If they change their mind then you can't go. It's that simple really. They can withdraw consent.

Couldn’t quite see that on the Gov website 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
MaxwellCat · 26/07/2023 23:16

You need permission if they change their mind then you dont have it do you? Shouldn't need to spell it out.

Original poster
anotherdisaster · 26/07/2023 23:17

Thanks for the useful (some) responses and people’s personal experience. I’ll try to get the letter signed ASAP so if he does change his mind I already have it. Looks like it’s not that common to be checked thankfully but I’ll try to cover myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
anotherdisaster · 26/07/2023 23:18

MaxwellCat · 26/07/2023 23:16

You need permission if they change their mind then you dont have it do you? Shouldn't need to spell it out.

Thanks you’ve been especially helpful and friendly! 😂

OP posts:
Giveuprobot · 26/07/2023 23:20

It's an interesting one. My exH is in the Army so isn't often around to ask (and wouldn't mind anyway). I decided to just not change my surname so we stay matching, we've been all over and noone's ever batted an eyelid.

Original poster
anotherdisaster · 26/07/2023 23:20

Giveuprobot · 26/07/2023 23:20

It's an interesting one. My exH is in the Army so isn't often around to ask (and wouldn't mind anyway). I decided to just not change my surname so we stay matching, we've been all over and noone's ever batted an eyelid.

Thank you. This seems to be more common. I’m probably worrying over nothing.

OP posts:
UndercoverCop · 26/07/2023 23:22

A long time ago but I went abroad with df (he was working long distance driving) and travelled from Spain through Andorra and into France, DM had written a letter even though they were still married, just in case, and also my both certificate. We did get stopped at the border and he did have to show all of the documents, they asked him and me while a lot of questions separately, which I was relatively confused about at the time, but I think that was more to do with me being a 13 year old girl and him being a lorry driver.
The letter was just handwritten so could've been written by anyone tbh.

HicLocusEst · 26/07/2023 23:23

HopelessEstateAgents · 26/07/2023 21:04

Please don't post nonsense on the internet. She can absolutely take her child on holiday, the deadbeat dad can't even be arsed with respond to a request for consent.

Just take your child OP. You won't 'get done' for abduction, because you're bringing the child back! Sorry some posters can't grasp this concept.

Show quote history

She needs a consent letter, because if she is stopped and doesn't have one, she'll be turned back and miss her holiday.

An investigation may be instigated if it's thought she was taking her child abroad in order to not give the other parent access, in which case, there would be probable cause for an abduction accusation. Unlikely, not impossible.

Original poster
anotherdisaster · 26/07/2023 23:25

HicLocusEst · 26/07/2023 23:23

She needs a consent letter, because if she is stopped and doesn't have one, she'll be turned back and miss her holiday.

An investigation may be instigated if it's thought she was taking her child abroad in order to not give the other parent access, in which case, there would be probable cause for an abduction accusation. Unlikely, not impossible.

Show quote history

I’m wondering now if I should consider enquiring about a court order. We don’t go until February

OP posts:
HicLocusEst · 26/07/2023 23:25

anotherdisaster · 26/07/2023 23:09

Read what I said again. It doesn’t cover all situations. Does it cover what to do if the dad agrees then changes his mind last minute?

Show quote history

If the parent signs a letter, then you have consent.
If then s/he decided to withdraw consent s/he would need to contact a solicitor to obtain a petition which would have the child's passport blocked at the airport.

HopelessEstateAgents · 26/07/2023 23:27

@HicLocusEst

No it's impossible BECAUSE SHE'D BE IN POSSESSION OF A RETURN TICKET.

Therefore it's impossible the court could argue she was denying access

Honestly, they is no way is a million million years this would get to court. The threshold for the CPS pushing through any case is extremely high

HicLocusEst · 26/07/2023 23:27

HopelessEstateAgents · 26/07/2023 21:31

@Nell80

Abduction is the PERMANENT removal
of a child, not two weeks in Spain. No one has ever been prosecuted for taking their own child on holiday. You really think the courts have time!

Gov website is badly written

Untrue I'm afraid.

Giveuprobot · 26/07/2023 23:27

UndercoverCop · 26/07/2023 23:22

A long time ago but I went abroad with df (he was working long distance driving) and travelled from Spain through Andorra and into France, DM had written a letter even though they were still married, just in case, and also my both certificate. We did get stopped at the border and he did have to show all of the documents, they asked him and me while a lot of questions separately, which I was relatively confused about at the time, but I think that was more to do with me being a 13 year old girl and him being a lorry driver.
The letter was just handwritten so could've been written by anyone tbh.

Yes, I do sometimes wonder if my men might be more likely to get asked? Realistically, I feel pleased that a man - girl lorry situation raised alarm bells!

And don't worry, OP, I was really worried the first time I took her away on my own and we were still married then. I was all ready to show them his 'have a lovely time, send lots of photos' messages 😂

HicLocusEst · 26/07/2023 23:28

HopelessEstateAgents · 26/07/2023 23:27

@HicLocusEst

No it's impossible BECAUSE SHE'D BE IN POSSESSION OF A RETURN TICKET.

Therefore it's impossible the court could argue she was denying access

Honestly, they is no way is a million million years this would get to court. The threshold for the CPS pushing through any case is extremely high

Also untrue.

HopelessEstateAgents · 26/07/2023 23:28

OP

  • I'm Widowed and have a different surname to my children, I've been asked to prove they are mine but not for proof of DH permission (which would be death certificate in his case).
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