Table manners

[Treddy]

I‘m at my wit‘s end with DS and his table manners. He will be 7 in October.

Every single meal time I have to tell him to use cutlery.

Every single meal time I have to tell him to keep his knees down/ feet off the table etc.

Every single meal time I have to tell him to eat over his plate. He constantly leans back in his chair and covers the floor and himself in crumbs/food.

So far we’ve been dealing with it by: When he makes a mess he has to clean it up. When I tell him to use cutlery/ sit properly etc I use a calm and firm voice. And of course I model good table manners myself.

But I feel like I am nagging him and constantly repeating myself.

He doesn’t have lunch at school (not UK) and he never went to day care. DD is 3 and has been going to daycare since she was 1. She has brilliant table manners, so I have obviously failed somewhere with DS.

I would choose one aspect to work on first, such as the using his cutlery without being promoted too and focus on that, giving lots of praise and maybe a reward chart of some sort. Then, once that’s become a habit move onto another aspect. :)

I wouldn’t worry with the cutlery as he is still young however the feet on the table knees up would make my blood boil! So focus on that.

Not sure how but seriously good luck you must be loosing your cool

SAME OP! Same.

DD will also be 7 in October and her preferred eating situation is sitting on her chair, with her knees up (feet on chair), and will often default to eating with her hands, or fork (in wrong hand) plus a hand to push the food onto her fork. And the mess she makes by sitting back and dropping things is astounding.

It drives me up the wall - we always eat at the table (practically always as a family), we model good table manners - but she needs reminding multiple times per meal.

I wonder how she eats at school, presumably not like that.

It just doesn't make sense, as I say, we eat nicely as a family, I have no idea where this lax attitude came from!

Does your child have any special educational needs? If so, it could be that he's trying but he just can't hold it in his mind what to do.

Try a footstool for his feet to rest on. He may dislike the sensation of his legs dangling,. And also à cession behind him to support his back. Feeling uncomforryable on the chair may explain the knees up/leaning back.

Children mainly learn this sort of thing by example . So ensure that everyone eats together and models good manners as much as possible. The feet up would also drive me potty but I think the cutlery issue will come .Try to make the atmosphere nice at mealtimes if you can to avoid a stand off of any sort.

Does he needs a special chair with a leg rest or stool, so he is fully supported at the table - his feet at the right place and his chair at the right height? I know you said your younger child manages, but maybe your son needs extra help. I assume at school there are smaller tables and chairs.

Do you eat together as a family so he can model behaviour?

I recently decided that enough was enough with my 10 and just turned 8 year old. Worried I had been far too lax and not wanted to nag and that soon it would be too late, despite eating together, modelling behaviour etc, none of it seemed to have any effect. So we have a deal, if I have to mention anything to them 6 times then no tv after dinner. And I’ll reduce it to 4 after a bit. That includes not using cutlery, getting down from the table without permission first, weird sitting and generally behaving inappropriately for the table. It’s had an effect and so far remained kind of jokey rather than dictatorial. I am still reminding them but there is more jeopardy to it for them which focuses their minds. And I’m working harder with my 4 year old earlier on. And I can see how foreign cutlery still feels to my 8 year old so am glad we are now working on it more.

Thanks for the replies and tips, and it’s good to hear we‘re not the only ones with this problem!

To answer a few questions. DS does not have any special needs that I am aware of.

He has a special chair for kids (knock off Tripp Trapp). But I will make sure to check it tomorrow to make sure the seat and foot rest are at the correct heights.

We eat together 99% of the time. Lunch is just me and DC. DH joins us for dinner.

Like @Himawarigirl , I think we have just been too lax. I like the ideas from a few posters to focus on one thing at a time. DS has responded well to sticker charts in the past so we‘ll give that a go and see how we get on.

I need to try some of these ideas. My 6 year old eats like an absolute slob 😂 uses her hands, talks constantly with mouth rammed with food, constantly tried to get up, kneels on chit waving arms about as she dramatically tells a story.

My son is the total opposite and we’ve done nothing different and eat together at the table properly. I have probably given up a bit as I got fed up of spending every meal time repeating “use your fork, swallow before you talk, sit back down”.

I am thinking of requested an ADHD assessment though and she is generally non stop all day long, so the meal time behaviour is just an extension of how she is at all times..:lively and excitable (and tiring).

Yeah, my son is like this but he has dyspraxia.

DD was the same, but at 9 is finally improving. What helped a big part was she fell off her chair onto the table and hurt her chin, she realised that feet on the floor would have prevented that! Also making her hoover after a meal showed her clearly how much mess she made on the floor. What frustrates me more than the actual behaviour is that I know she doesn't do it at other places!!