Four months after the birth of our first child I left DH because things were so strained between us…..we were sleep deprived, trying to navigate how to be a parent and we were constantly bickering and picking at each other. It felt like we weren’t a team anymore and I get that he didn’t understand why I was so snappy and emotional at times. I also felt a little resentment towards him that he got to go to work every day and ‘escape’ whilst I was at home everyday with our high needs
baby, feeling isolated and exhausted. Our relationship was just crumbling.
I only left for about a week and then I went back but things were still very difficult for a few months. The situation improved
by the time our son was about 9 months
old and our marriage returned to what it was.
A year or so later I started talking about having another baby and my DH was adamant that he didn’t want one and I do think it’s because he was worried about the potential toll it would take on our marriage based on our experience with our first baby.
However, after a year of discussions around the issue he did then relent and agreed to TTC baby number two.
When our second son came along it was such a nicer experience than the first time round. I think is because we knew what to expect this time, we already knew how to parent and the sacrifices that came with parenthood, we also understood how the other one parented and we knew how to manage life around having children. Having our first baby was a complete shock to the system as nobody can understand the huge impact a baby can have on your life unless you’ve had one, but that doesn’t apply to having a second baby because you already know what’s coming so you just take it in your stride. You’re already a parent, you aren’t having to learn how to do something new and so you just carry on with life as it is…..except this time there’s two children instead of one.
You hear a lot of people say that going from one child to two, is easier than going from no children to having one, and it was completely true in my experience.
DS2 caused us some issues with his health and feeding but we dealt with it calmly and together whereas if it had happened with
our first son I think we’d have felt so clueless and would have taken out our worries and frustrations on each other, however this time round it felt like we were a team and tackled challenges together.
My first son was 3.5 years old when the second son came along and I was worried about how I would cope with two, but the baby slotted into our life with ease (another thing you hear often) and the whole experience was lovey - it was the complete opposite of how things had been when our first son had come along. Our marriage felt so much stronger and we loved being a unit of 4…..it felt like we had such a stable family. We had no arguments or stresses and life was just really, really pleasant, fun and enjoyable.
And seeing the two boys bond and form a relationship was so special that it just made the experience of having a second child even more magical.
They are (very almost) 6 and 9 years old now and they still absolutely adore each other. My heart could burst with love when I watch them together.
Like I said, although our second son faced some challenges, his arrival in our life was a complete joy and had no negative effects on mine and my husband’s relationship.
I can completely understand your worries and you will come across many varied and different experiences and views on here but ultimately, you’ll never know unless you try and hopefully you will find having a second baby far less wearing on your relationship and that you will all be very happy.