8 year old anger tantrums

[Noideawhatnext]

We have 8 year old DS and are really at the end of our tether. He cannot control his anger. For example, tonight he was playing a game on the phone whilst dinner was getting prepared. We told him in advance that the phone will go off when dinner is ready. Dinner is ready he doesn't stop playing. We explained to him that the phone has to go off, he procrastinates further.

Explained that this it his last chance or phone will go away. He doesn't listen, we take phone away and he completely kicks off. Screaming, shouting, hitting, kicking. He knows any form 8f violence has consequences. No dessert, toys taken away that he throws etc. But it doesn't make a difference. Tantrum tonight lasted for over an hour. He kicks off easily at home. It happens pretty much every day at some point.

We have spoken to school about it, several times, but they don't have that problem with him so don't it really serious. I am so exhausted and absolutely clueless what we are doing wrong?

He uses a phone at 8?
There is your problem op..

It's not his phone. It was my phone that he was allowed to use to play a game when I was making dinner

Try to see this from his point of view. He has little power. You control when he plays, when he stops, when he eats etc etc. This is normal but it is also normal to feel frustrated as a child.

Tantrums are normal.

How do you react when he tantrums is what matters. The best way is to be understanding of why he has strong feelings and to help him verbalise his frustration. Punishing a kid for being angry just causes the anger to increase.

Also don't give him the phone to play with!

We are trying to talk to him, trying to verbalise his feelings but he doesn't liste, or is unable to once he kicked off. Also the phone was just one example. Another one, kicks off because he bumped himself at a chair. He starts slamming and kicking the chair.

My 7 year old DD was like this about a year ago....we tried all sorts but in the end it sort of fizzled out. I wondered if it was a growth spurt/hormone surge or something. She can still be very difficult now, but the violence has stopped. We can talk to her about it afterwards though and try to find solutions. I read a book called the explosive child which had some helpful strategies in. Even though school are not concerned do they have a pastoral support person that can talk to your son, to see if there is anything worrying him and about some anger management strategies...he may listen if it comes from someone at school. You have my sympathies OP, I know how utterly exhausting and relentless it can be, and how hopeless it feels when you can't make the situation better. I hope you find a solution, and that the phase passes soon.

I've posted earlier this evening on one of the SEN boards about my DTS1 (7yo)@Noideawhatnext - he had a horrific tantrum earlier this evening, I'm still shaky from the complete ferocity of it. He was at sports club all day and enjoyed it, watched TV when he got home, ate his dinner... and all was well till I asked him to spend 5 minutes help tidy up. Cue complete meltdown

I've wondered in the past if he has ADHD and will definitely be looking into it further, I need some assistance with these tantrums because soon I won't be able to physically restrain him. Today he has hit me, pulled hair, kicked me, screamed at me - what will I do if he's still doing this in even two years' time when I can't stop him and he might hurt us even more?

Those who have children having violent tantrums if possible start actively teaching them how to tantrum safely, rather than trying to get them to stop tantrumming.

I know this stuff is hard, I also understand basic techniques don't work for all especially where there is a diagnosis or you are pursuing a diagnosis.

Some techniques are: having a safe space to retreat to like a corner or tent or big floor cushion, teaching them to take aggression out on something like a cushion, teaching them to draw their feelings out.

Also attend to how anger is dealt with by adults in the house, is it expressed (healthily) or suppressed?

We've tried other tantrumming methods/ giving him other outlets @calmcoco - he agrees that things are a good idea, he suggests his own ideas, then the red mist descends and all we can do is try to stay away from him but then he will smash whatever he can get his hands on because he's been 'cheated' of hitting someone - that's all he really wants to do, hit me or his brother until (presumably) his anger has abated.

I'm just so sad today, I can't even look at him, let alone want to give him a hug or hold his hand. Logically I know that makes sense - if it was anyone else would I want to have anything to do with them after they'd hit me round the head as hard and often as they could? - but I also feel terrible, he's still my little boy and he doesn't like all these big emotions either.