How to deal with breastfeeding judgement

[louloufaisy]

I breastfed DD1 for 5 months and stopped because I felt pressure from boyf/ family. Nothing huge but just little comments. I didn't have the confidence to continue.

Soon to start trying for DC2 and plan to bf for up to 2 years (if I can). I want to mentally prepare myself for negative comments / judgements so that I can be confident enough to continue on for that long.

Any tips/ tools/ advice/ positive stories would be a massive help?

Thanks

X

My DD is 23 months and still breastfeeds in the morning and before bed. I do plan to wean her over the next few months as I am expecting our second baby and don’t fancy tandem feeding! I’m sorry that you felt some pressure about breastfeeding previously - I was fortunate to have friends and family who all breastfed. I think just talking about how it’s now a WHO and NHS recommendation to feed for 2 years if you can and that it’s your decision to keep feeding for as long as you want. How you feed your baby is totally up to you! I remember being asked by MIL when my DD was 6 months if I was going to switch to formula and I remember saying something like ‘breastfeeding is going fine, why would I start paying for formula when it comes out of my boobs for free?’ I remember she laughed and never said anything again.

What sort of comments put you off last time?

Maybe it would be helpful to go to some bf groups? The more you see bf, the more normal it becomes, the more confident you’ll feel

I fed my daughter for two years.. didn't wean until 8 months . She thrived on breast milk alone .. l fed on demand and carried her in a sling so she could feed whenever.. have you heard of La Leche league?
Maybe send your b/f and his family the link to it.
Explains how the benefits of breast feeding is better for your child.
That daughter is now 39 and has 3 teenage sons.. she fed them each for a year . Two are so close together she only had a month rest in between.
I had a friend who's husband didn't like her breast feeding.. l honestly think some people think boobs are for sexual enjoyment and not for the purpose we women have them.

https://llli.org/

As a precious poster said, have a look at breast feeding support groups. I have found them a massive help.

Also look up the stats why breast feeding is the better option. I’m not sure why anyone wouldn’t want to continue if it’s being done successfully when they see how beneficial it can be for the baby health wise.

Good luck.

I breastfed until 14m and only stoped as my toddler stopped wanting it. I would read about benefits of breastfeeding so next time you hear stupid comments you just tell them the facts and leave it at that. If someone kept pestering me further I would tell them my breastfeeding shouldn't be any of their concern.

Being with other mums who breastfeed really helps it feel normal.

I found that it I was just more confident and less bothered by others second time around. I was 21 with my first and managed 3 months exclusive feeding then another 2 mixed. I was 25 with the second and exclusively breast fed then alongside solids until he was 16 months old. I felt more in tune with my baby and able to make those decisions ignoring external pressure.

I found that it I was just more confident and less bothered by others second time around. I was 21 with my first and managed 3 months exclusive feeding then another 2 mixed. I was 25 with the second and exclusively breast fed then alongside solids until he was 16 months old. I felt more in tune with my baby and able to make those decisions ignoring external pressure.

In the nicest possible way, your own bf (presumably the father of your first child) made negative comments about you breastfeeding to the point you stopped, and now you're having another baby with him? If any man had an opinion on how I chose to feed my baby, especially one under 6 months, they would be shown the door.

You need to stand up for your rights as a woman and a mother and feed your baby according to what you want and how you feel. Nobody has a right to put pressure on you either way. As mothers we have to be strong and advocate for our children, so I think it's time to speak honestly and openly to those who judged you the first time round and make it very clear that their opinions are not wanted. Starting with that bf of yours.

I would explain in advance you intend to try to breast feed for longer this time. Any comments from family wanting 'to feed the baby' explain bf is in the babies best interests and that's what you are focusing on. Its disappointing to read your dp was not supportive of your breastfeeding, does he know the benefits? I felt more confident the second time. Children's centres run breastfeeding groups maybe attend one of those or go to an Nct group to share your experience with other bf women for support.

I kept it to myself. Bf until 2. At a certain point (forget now, but as my child got older, and was walking and talking) I “only” gave milk every morning, so no one else needed to get involved, or even know.

I had a sensation that the morning feed was probably particularly full of good stuff.

I also gave breastfeeding a made up nickname word, since once the child was verbal I didn’t want everyone to know he was asking for milk. Yes, all this sounds like a dirty secret, but people could be very judgemental about bf older kids when I was doing all this. Ultimately Im quite a shy person and I didn’t want other people’s opinions. I was doing it for my child, it’s so good for them so well done you! I did all this because it suited me. No one needed to know, and that’s the way I wanted it.

Oh sorry, I did my catch that your boyfriend was unsupportive too. This wasn’t my case. I don’t have further advice here, in that case. But what sort of personality does your boyfriend have? If he’s into research I’d be telling him the latest research. If he’s a loving dad, I’d start with that. This is a really positive thing you are doing for your child!

Ime you are naturally more confident parenting your Dc2.. Any comments will likely go over your head this time or a suitable response will be quickly to mind!

Rather than preparing for inevitable negative comments, can't you tell your boyfriend how you felt and say you don't want to hear it again?

The breastfeeding mentor on Instagram is good to follow

Just keep repeating the recommendations. It's tricky if your bf doesn't support you though.

As they get older, they feed less often so people won't even know that you still breastfeed them unless you choose to share it. I've fed my 3 to 2.5, but I doubt anyone except DH and my mum know exactly how long. Probably only fed in public a handful of times after 15 months or so, as they were mostly down to before nap/bedtime/morning at that point.

It's so funny, isn't it, how we live in bubbles? Among my friends and family you would only have to brace for negative comments if you decided NOT to breastfeed! (I'm not saying that's in any way justified, btw, just interesting how the prevailing attitude can vary so much.)

Bloody parenting, it's basically one long trial. Trick is to care less what other people think - though I appreciate that's easier said than done when one of your critics is also the father of your child....can you not educate him a bit? Is he generally an arse or just on this topic? I think if you gave us an idea of the sort of comments/pressure you were receiving we would be better placed to advise on some smart responses.

So just to clarify, my DP is not an arse.

He basically just wanted to "solve" the problem when baby struggled to latch etc.

Baby slept better when having a bottle admittedly and he wanted us all to sleep. That was the only rationale.

The other judgment was from my mum.. comments like mouthing "cover up" when my dad walked into the room or criticising others for bf openly in public.

Next time I will be giving a lot less attention to what others say/ think

If I ever had comments I'd tell them to fuck off. And get my boob out and feed him and look them straight in the eye. Luckily I didn't. Although when I was in a restaurant I got a dirty look I just ignored them and carried on feeding my son.

Your wellbeing and happiness means baby's happiness. More important than breastfeeding. Do what you can, don't feel guilty if you can't go further after 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 months or 2 years. Everyone just knows too much when it comes to babies and many "close" friends and family can't shut up ever. Trust your instincts op. Compare a mum who doesn't bf but has great headspace to love and bond, with one who is crying struggling hating every moment of the bf process and dreads holding the baby. Which scenario is better? Hope you will nail it and have an amazing bond, but the latter also does happen, mostly due to f*ing pressure from know-it-alls. Don't let that happen to you.

I remember 'social pressure' to give up when my first daughter turned one. People kept pointing out all the teeth and saying things like 'if she's old enough to ask, she's old enough to stop' etc etc. I spoke to a breastfeeding counsellor about how to give up but she very kindly and gently pointed out to me that the only people's opinion that mattered were me and my baby's, and if we were happy that was all that mattered, there was no need to stop. I think if you have a phrase ready if someone says something ('I don't recall asking for your opinion') or maybe just smile and nod and carry on with what you want to do. Every man and his dog will give you advice but you don't have to listen!

I found the second time round you get less random unsolicited advice as people assume you know what you're doing 😂

I breastfed my 2 for two years each. I got the comments from family but I ignored them all. It is so much easier to bf than make bottles once you master those first few weeks. I found that once I ignored them they gave up and found something else to talk about. Most of my friends bf too but all stopped after about 12 months bit they didn't judge me either.

I'd mouth back "fuck off" or maybe a simple "no" if you are feeling polite

I think it really helps to get very immersed in the world of "breastfeeding is wonderful and anyone who doesn't think that is totally wrong" even though that can be in itself a destructive mindset, you kind of need a really robust pro-bf mindset to counter the bottle feeding culture stuff. That's why that content is created after all.

So follow bf influencers, join bf groups online, read some bf books etc.

And yes definitely go to some bf type groups IRL like la leche league. It is actually helpful in a much more healthy way simply to know other people who are breastfeeding and for whom it is normal.

I loved the politics of breastfeeding if you want more of a why to than a how to.