How to explain to 2yo that grandma is dying?

[Hazelnuttella]

My grandma will likely die in the next few days or weeks. Up until a few weeks ago she was active and mentally sharp. DS has seen a lot of her and she has been a big part of his life.

How do I go about telling him? Prepare him in advance? Take him to say goodbye? I don’t know how to explain dying.

I need some practical advice on what to actually say that he will understand. If I say things like “she’s gone”, he’ll think she’s gone on holiday or somewhere else.

We don’t know the timescales (obviously) but it will be days or weeks rather than months. He knows she is ill and has seen her in hospital.

Was going to say exactly this, when my Grandad died it was couched in ‘He’s gone to sleep.”. I was very upset the next day when he wasn’t there, I’d taken it literally that he’d gone for a nap and was very confused. Parents were trying to be age appropriate and kind but avoid the term, it’s very confusing for small children.

I've heard you say this before and it made me cry then too. It's a lovely sentiment but I don't think I could say it to my DC without choking up!

Do not use the word ‘sleep’ to describe death to a child. You could end up really giving them issues.

Dead/died/death are clear and at age 2 will need to be repeated often and in context so that they can understand.

“where is grandma?”
“grandma died, her body stopped working.” It can’t be fixed”
or depending on language “grandma died” “all give grandma” followed by lots of cuddles and reassurance.

Show them dead things when you see them to put it in context, dead flies, dead flowers etc.

Sorry for your anticipated loss Op

This is brilliant explanation for a child, thanks for sharing

My dh's dad died when dd's were 5, 3 and 9 months.

We got advice and said that Granda was very ill and had been in hospital where the doctors had tried to help him but they weren't able to make him better and he died. We told that that he loved them very much and he knew that they loved him very much and we could think about him or talk about him any time we wanted.

We also told them that it was ok to cry and be sad and miss him or it was ok to laugh and have fun and that you could feel different about it every day.

He died almost 3 years ago now and my now 6 year old was very upset about 3 weeks ago saying how she missed him, before that it was probably a year since she had been upset. And she was actually grand when we told her initially (obviously she didn't quite grasp the gravity at 3.)

Just use simple factual terms and NEVER say they have gone to sleep and will never wake up, they'll be afraid of anyone ever going to sleep.

Good luck op and im sorry for your impending loss.

There is a lovely book called Badger’s Parting Gifts which you could use as a starting point for a conversation. It is really for slightly older children, but if you look through it yourself you would be able to read it adapting the language to your son’s level. It is very good as per previous posters at explaining the old and tired aspects and how we can keep lovely memories. Sorry to hear about your Grandma

Gosh, this made me sob!

Explain that granny is dying to a 2yr old ?

just like that I think. Be blunt and use the words. Much as it will upset you just say it.

“ granny is very very poorly , so poorly that she can’t be fixed, and she will die. That means we won’t have her to see or talk to any more. “ then add your belief if you have one.

expect any or no re action - from hysterical sobs to “ can I have an ice cram now”

and be prepared not to be emotionally flattened yourself by months later questions at the worst possible time- eg in the queue in Waitrose “ is granny still dead then ?”

hugs x

Thank you everyone, I really appreciate you taking the time to reply. I feel a little bit more prepared now.

Have to say my 2 year was not at all bothered, very blasé, so we had no issues. He did ask "is Grandpa still dead?" a couple of times so it took a while to sink in. He also forgot him quickly which I found really difficult but that's life I guess.

A friend of mine's son kept referring to my friend's beloved late mother as "that granny what died" which again was a bit of an emotional punch as well.

That’s what I was thinking… If I tell him in advance that it’s going to happen he’ll go around telling everyone “granny dead soon” 🙈

I don’t think it would upset anyone, but probably best not…

And yes I agree with everyone saying not to mention going to sleep. I won’t be doing that.

Off to hunt for some dead flies to point out..

Use dead, please don't use sleep because it can scare children going to bed, euphemisms just are inappropriate for very young children. I've worked in child bereavement.

As hard as it is I would be factual, tell him exactly what is going to happen and then when it happens, he might need reminding a few times. Kids can appear to move on quickly so don't be surprised if he doesn't really react or gets on with playing.