Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Autistic teen independence skills

7 replies

whatabeautifulwedding · 24/07/2023 10:02

14 yr old ds has no independence skills at all and I'm getting worried about what the future will hold for him.

He used to go to mainstream school but for the past academic year he has been unable to attend due to anxiety relating to overstimulation/general school environment. School has always been a big issue but can handle with lots of support. Currently looking at a more specialist school but that will be a battle with LA.

Anyway he does nothing independently. Won't go to the shop on his own, go for a walk on his own, catch the bus etc. He has no friends as he struggles with social interaction, so the only time he goes out is if I take him somewhere. I try to make sure he's getting out every day otherwise he would just stay in his room.

He is not able to join any clubs as his anxiety is so severe that any new situations lead to freezing, refusal to move, crying, meltdowns, clinging to things etc.

He is under CAMHS and has had CBT therapy which didn't work, he's been referred to psychiatry which we are on waiting list for.

The reason I'm posting is that I've recently been unwell and it made me realise that if I'm not around he would be completely helpless. I'm not sure what the answer is but just looking for ideas.

He can do things like make toast, a pot noodle, a coffee so is fine(ish) in the house by himself. Although he's also dyspraxic so not great with sharp knives etc.

One of the big issues is that he absolutely cannot talk to strangers so would never be able to ask for help (eg if his card got declined at the till etc)

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 24/07/2023 10:10

Does he have an autism card? He can hand it to people if he needs help and support when out and about.

Long-term supported living might have to be the option and it's better to do that while he is young than in 40+years time when you are not in a position to support him anymore

In terms of joining groups, I used to volunteer at a Bushcraft group, there was a teen whose mum wanted to get him involved but he wasn't able to at the time, we gave him video tours of the venue, talked to him online, he started coming down and helped us set up, he didn't talk to us and that was OK then went home before the others arrived. Eventually he started staying and watching and then staying and participating. So if you can find the right group, one that offers homeschooling activities is likely to have experience with children with ASD and might be very happy to do a slow, phased approach.

whatabeautifulwedding · 24/07/2023 10:17

Singleandproud · 24/07/2023 10:10

Does he have an autism card? He can hand it to people if he needs help and support when out and about.

Long-term supported living might have to be the option and it's better to do that while he is young than in 40+years time when you are not in a position to support him anymore

In terms of joining groups, I used to volunteer at a Bushcraft group, there was a teen whose mum wanted to get him involved but he wasn't able to at the time, we gave him video tours of the venue, talked to him online, he started coming down and helped us set up, he didn't talk to us and that was OK then went home before the others arrived. Eventually he started staying and watching and then staying and participating. So if you can find the right group, one that offers homeschooling activities is likely to have experience with children with ASD and might be very happy to do a slow, phased approach.

Ah thank you, something like that group sounds amazing but as you say it's just finding the right one.

Yes he has a card but even being able to show it he would struggle with. He used to have a "get out of class" card at school and instead of showing it to the teacher he would just sit rocking and crying in his seat 😢

It's just so hard knowing what the right things are to do.

OP posts:
gogomoto · 24/07/2023 11:11

It may get better! Does he interact online? My dd would not phone a takeaway and certainly wouldn't go in person but is fine with just eat for instance (her dad is no better) she still won't talk to waiters. She made huge leaps from 16-18 and then managed to work in McDonald's who were really good.

Online gaming helped her a lot, she's made friends across Europe and met her now dp gaming! She did do activities though, as she's a musician and they could cope fairly well with tantrums etc

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 24/07/2023 11:22

Maybe he could walk to the local shop on his own, but with you on the phone? So it's keeping him calm. Id remove anything hes anxious about so maybe a shopping list with the correct change and work your way up.

I totally get it my 12 year old is the same, he hasn't left the house on his own yet.

whatabeautifulwedding · 24/07/2023 15:16

gogomoto · 24/07/2023 11:11

It may get better! Does he interact online? My dd would not phone a takeaway and certainly wouldn't go in person but is fine with just eat for instance (her dad is no better) she still won't talk to waiters. She made huge leaps from 16-18 and then managed to work in McDonald's who were really good.

Online gaming helped her a lot, she's made friends across Europe and met her now dp gaming! She did do activities though, as she's a musician and they could cope fairly well with tantrums etc

That's so reassuring to hear!

Yes he will interact online so that's something.

OP posts:
whatabeautifulwedding · 24/07/2023 15:17

gogomoto · 24/07/2023 11:11

It may get better! Does he interact online? My dd would not phone a takeaway and certainly wouldn't go in person but is fine with just eat for instance (her dad is no better) she still won't talk to waiters. She made huge leaps from 16-18 and then managed to work in McDonald's who were really good.

Online gaming helped her a lot, she's made friends across Europe and met her now dp gaming! She did do activities though, as she's a musician and they could cope fairly well with tantrums etc

Great to hear that your DD has been able to become more independent.

OP posts:
whatabeautifulwedding · 24/07/2023 15:17

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 24/07/2023 11:22

Maybe he could walk to the local shop on his own, but with you on the phone? So it's keeping him calm. Id remove anything hes anxious about so maybe a shopping list with the correct change and work your way up.

I totally get it my 12 year old is the same, he hasn't left the house on his own yet.

This is a great idea and something that I will definitely try to encourage. Thank you!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page