1 year old, horrible comments from other children...

[MrsDaffodil13]

Hello all,

I guess I really need to vent this out but likewise would welcome advise on how you would handle in the future.

My daughter (1YO) has incredibly bad vision. We are waiting to hear of her appointment anyway now to tell us whether she will require an operation on her eyes. Her eyes are the wrong shape, both of her eyes turn inward (crosseyed) and is massively longsighted. To the point where she is considered legally blind without her glasses.

Being a one year old, she doesn't always keep her glasses on. She's usually pretty good, but every now and then they are thrown. Pretty normal.

Out with my BF today, she had taken her glasses off and was in the pram. We were just doing some shopping in the high street and I was waiting outside the shop for my friend. A little girl, maybe 9 or 10 looked at my daughter and turned to (maybe her sister?) And laughed saying "did you see that babies eyes?!" And crossed her eyes. I obviously shot daggers at them feeling my blood boil and my heart break all at once.

This isn't the first time, as at nursery there was another child (older sibling of another being collected) who laughed and nudged their father. Thankfully the dad immediately addressed it with his son and apologised to me.

May seem dramatic, but I've been really upset about it today as its made me feel like she's going to have this for the rest of her life. She's only just turned one and she's already on the receiving end. I guess I didn't expect it so soon.

So I guess if you have advise on how to handle such situations appropriately (without giving into the rage that I felt!) then would be appreciated.

But otherwise thanks for letting me get it off my chest!

X

I don't have any advice but that's dreadful. I have a son of 10 and I would be horrified to know that he would mock anyone in this way.

You are well within your rights to be upset and I bet your daughter is gorgeous.

So sorry this has happened. My son was born with a cleft lip so we have had some awful comments too. Mainly from adults I have to say, who should know better. With children I find a cherry smile and a "well, I think he's gorgeous" does the trick. With adults I'm more direct.

Oh I am so sorry this is happening to you.

The old adage 'children are cruel' is unfortunately true. I'd assume any parent with them would correct them but I'd be saying 'how rude' in a loud but neutral voice to myself whilst getting on with whatever I do.

I think you will need to develop a thicker skin simply because you can not control other people, only your reaction to them.its better for your daughter to see you not get upset but as she gets older you can explain that some people are dicks.

My daughter did this the first day of school nursery (she would have been 3) A little boy came in with a badly crossed eye and my daughter started laughing and mocking his rolling her eye.
I was mortified, I pulled her out the class gave her a big talking to then she went and apologised. After that the two of them were best pals and she would tear into anyone who said anything.
I think it was just one of those things that as it was new to her didn't know she shouldn't laugh if that makes sense (or I'm just trying to excuse her awful behaviour)
They are both 20 now and live in different countries but are still very close and keep in touch most weeks.

Thanks for your messages everyone. Felt better after I'd vented it off my chest.

Thanks also for the advise on how to handle in front of LO, she'll look to me in such instances so it's a good reminder to handle correctly. I always knew the saying children can be mean and I always expected her to be hurt one day, but I guess I never expected it to happen when she's too young to even understand. Her expression of confusion looking at me while they laughed stung.

@awks21 thank you for your honesty. That must have been so difficult for you. Being wrapped up in being her parent, I hadn't considered the shock the other parent may feel. So was good to hear your insight, and thank you for educating your daughter ❤️

Oh honey, people laugh at imperfections unfortunately. You know your daughter is beautiful and that is all that counts! Don't take it too heart, unfortunately kids say what they see, and sometimes that is wicked! Hopefully your daughters eyes will be fixed soon! Don't stress too much. ! Like is full of challenges!😄

Very small children you need to give a bit of slack, they may not understand and think your DD is deliberately pulling a funny face.

School aged children should know better and an unimpressed stare should make them feel uncomfortable

Give a 9-10 year old the finger. I would.

My sister had an unusually shaped head as a child, quite prominent and it drew similar comments. She’s much younger so I often had care of her.
Personally I found clearly addressing people was best. If it was more neutral I’d simply answer in a clear voice, like saying ‘yes, she had hydrocephalus’ factually. It made people awkward and realise she was a real person. Sometimes I’d add that it didn’t affect hearing or her intelligence so could they talk to her as they would with everyone else, because it was rude and uncomfortable to talk about people in front of them. Very occasionally for rude adults I’d be ruder, and offer to discuss their appearance with an audience.
I do think it’s important to get used to being confident and talking as an example, no hiding or awkwardness. You don’t have to say her needs, maybe just ‘yes, she has glasses which help her see’ or ‘ yes, many people have differences. She’s happy and healthy and very proud of how sensible she is with her glasses are such a young age’. Or some other positive comment to balance theirs. Put on a face of not caring
(then rant later!)