Attending first toddler b-day party, please help!

[kisaki333]

Hi,

Neither myself nor hubby grew up in the UK and don't have a lot of close friends. Our DD is 1.5 and we've just been invited to a little girl's 2 year old bday party. It's a shared bday party with her 5 year old sister. I know the little girl from nursery. I might have run into her dad once but don't know her parents otherwise.

Please help me with protocol advice!
The party is at their home. How can I tell if parents are meant to stay? Or do we just drop DD off and come back to collect later (not sure I'd be happy with that tbh...)

How to know what gift to buy? Do I ask the parents or just take a guess? What would be a typical budget?

Do I need to buy something for the older sister too? What about for the parents (like a bottle of wine etc)?

What to wear? The invite doesn't mention a theme or anything. How fancy does DD have to be? What about us ?

Thanks all! This is so important as I'm hoping to make some parent "friends" here. To make it worse, I have social anxiety and I'm just generally a weirdo! But I need to suck it up for DD's sake.

God no don't drop off a 1 year old, you need to stay with her.

A present for the child who invited you is sufficient unless you wish to give to both. Price wise a fiver is plenty at this age and if I doubt get a book. The parents don't need or expect a gift.

Clothing wise just something that's not paint stained will be fine no need for anything fancy it's a birthday for a 2 year old they will probably all end up with food down them anyway.

Do not worry about making parent friends these don't tend to come from the parents of children who attend your child's nursery, it's much more common to be friends with school parents as you'll actually see them frequently unlike the parents at nursery.

At that age they will want you to stay. I would probably buy a gift for both girls - a book or small toy (so around £7-10) is fine where I live. In terms of what to wear for your dd something a bit smarter than the usual but nothing really fancy.

You definitely stay.

Birthday gift for the two year old only, around £10. Go for books, a puzzle, or similar. Not something big/plastic/noisy. If you happen to bump into the parents or have their number it's fine to send a message asking what she'd like.

In terms of clothes I'd put DD in something slightly fancier than normal (party dress if she has one), but absolutely no need to buy anything special or go OTT. Adults just wear normal clothes i.e. not sweaty gym wear or PJ's, but nothing fancy.

Don't put too much pressure on it. I've never made friends at a kids birthday party. It's not really for that.

They will expect you to stay for the party, wear something relaxed you feel confident in, no one gets very dressed up for a kids party. I normally do £10 on a present, a little toy ( nothing too noisy or messy ) the parents won’t expect a gift, it gets much easier to make mum friends when they start school so don’t worry too much about that if it doesn’t happen. Hope you both have a lovely time.

All good advice.

Relax, smile, don’t panic if your little one clings to your leg the whole time (we’ve all been there!). If you get stuck for conversation talk about the weather and ask what they’re doing over the summer…., Oh, and send a quick ‘thank you’ text message afterwards.

Hope your DD has a lovely time!

In my area social protocol was
Stay at parties until your child is at Primary School
Gifts £5 for an acquaintance, £10 for a closer friend (don't worry about that for a 2 year old)
Parents clothes jeans was fine, Little girls are often in dresses, little boys jeans and a shirt

If you feel awkward you can always ask the parents if they need some help, although with a one year old you prob need to supervise them

You would stay with children that young.

Personally I’d take a gift for both children - something along the lines of book, stickers, craft set, play dough set etc Around £5 to £10 seems standard round here. The Galt water magic books are good for 2 year olds, not
messy and small enough to go in a bag to be whipped out when needed - you can get them in places like The Works. I’d maybe get one or two of those and/ or the reusable sticker type books but that’s just going off what my DD loves.

The last 5 year old girl to get a present from us got this https://www.amazon.co.uk/Girls-Can-Anything-Caryl-Hart/dp/1407177389/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=LCHAX0XLZ7GD&keywords=girls+can+do+anything+book&qid=1690056854&sprefix=girls+can+do+%2Caps%2C79&sr=8-1

Wear - you wear whatever, jeans or similar is fine. For your DD you can put her in anything you like and she’s comfortable in. Personally I always put DD in something nicer than the usual hand me down leggings and tops she lives in normally, and we have a vast array of stuff that always seems a bit too nice just to wear for the childminders/ playgroup but not necessarily a full on tulle party dress - although you do see plenty of those too and DD now wants to wear them as she’s getting older.

Hi OP,
I agree with PPs and would definitely stay. I’m sure the hosts would expect you to at this age. Whenever my DS attended a joint party we would take a small token for the sibling too.

In terms of making friends, I was in your position once. I messaged in advance to say “thanks for invite. Is there anything he/she likes in particular for gift ideas? Anything else we can bring?” etc. I’m also shy but I found it sparked a bit of a text conversation ahead of the party which broke the ice. We chatted well at the party so went for a coffee/play date a few weeks later. That was 4 years ago and the parents are now very close friends of ours (as are our respective children).

Another set of good friends are parents we got to know at preschool birthday parties. I hope you enjoy the party and make some nice connections ☺️

You'll need to stay, you can't leave a 1 year old at a party.

Clothing wise anything goes. I never dress up for kid's parties. When younger my daughter would wear a dress but it doesn't matter, any clothes is fine (she's 8 now and just wears normal clothes to any party).

I'd just buy a present for the child you know. A book, a small toy or something. Nothing too extravagant.

Thank you all for the really useful advice. Just realised I have another question: how long do these things normally last and what actually happens during the party? Not so concerned about my DD who is a bit of a social butterfly and will certainly find something to entertain herself with. But what do the grown ups do? Just hang around their respective children? Or is it like hang out together type of thing? No idea if the other parents know each other, but they might...

It very much depends - you say it’s at their home which is different to in a hall/ other venue where usually you’d get an allotted slot of 3 hours or so. Although even at home they might not want it to go on any longer than that unless they’ve invited a load of close friends/ family too - but it’s fine to leave when you’ve had enough you can maybe think of an excuse in advance which you can use when you feel like you’ve had enough - ‘thanks so much it’s been really lovely, need to take DD for her nap now or there will be hell to pay at bedtime’ or ‘got to call in on the grandparents on way home’ or whatever.

There will be a cake at some point and singing happy birthday and I think it’s generally fine to leave any time after that.

What happens depends on the party really, they might have booked entertainment or a bouncy castle or something, or organised a few games. There’s bound to be food for the kids - usually adults too but I don’t know if everyone does that. Parents might chat a bit but with yours so little you’ll be keeping an eye/ following her around a bit anyway I’d have thought. But yeah, a bit of polite chit chat with the adults too.

Personally I would ask birthday girls' parents tips for what to get for the two year old, e.g. does she like books, any particular cartoon characters she likes, etc. You're probably looking to spend around £8 plus or minus a couple of quid. Then personally I'd probably get the older girl a small gift too, e.g. a colouring book - you can get them for around £2-3.

I find these things typically last around 2 hours but you can leave at any time if you need to. If possible wait until cake has been presented, cut and shared around. That's usually the sign that the hosts are ready to start wrapping up. I never have time to exchange more than a few pleasantries with the other parents. I don't know any of them really from her nursery and it's fine. I just smile and say "hi, I'm [name]'s mum, isn't the weather/food/birthday girl's dress/whatever lovely?"