Baby hates me! Tips on creating a bond.

[Haaboo]

hi I’m a newbie here. Before anyone judges me, I am looking to educate myself! I’ve no experience with babies or children whatsoever. Give me a horse and I know what to do. Babies not so much. Everyone said that your maternal instincts kick in, but baby hates my instincts!

baby is 3 months, and gave me an easy ride up till now but the last two weeks he has decided he doesn’t like me. He’s crying all the time except when he’s in bed. He gets up and wants to play on his mat without me. In my arms he just cries. I feed him, he cries during the feed (bottle). He cries after the feed. He’ll then play 20 mins or so, then he’s crying again. I’ve tried everything. Singing, cuddles in the rocking chair, massages, funny faces, walking around, kisses, tickles.. but I just don’t seem to do it for him.

He’s just started teething early, so I really want to be able to comfort him. He has reflux too but we’re managing that with doc approved formula and medicine.

what can I do to get back the happy baby that smiled at me every morning?? I’m obviously doing it all wrong!

Someone else may come along with better advice but I couldn't read and not say anything. It sounds like you're doing brilliantly and that you're a lovely mum! I remember 3-4 months being particularly tricky with my babies, less settled/more alert so more distracted during feeds and nap time/teething/them starting to experience boredom etc. there is so much going on!

What formula is it? If baby has a dairy issue and it's just hydrolysed formula you may want to push for completely dairy free formala.

He doesn't hate you, he is a baby and you re his means to survive or as my mum put it (as i broke down in frustration) "she is a parasite, she'll take from you until you have nothing left, so take care of your self first and foremost because you are no use to her otherwise"

Harsh but i came to realise this is 100% true, she is an adult now and we are v close.

Its a stage, nothing more, roll with it and prep for the next one! i found it v rewarding once i realised the fairy book shite is unrealistic.

My DS was a very grumpy baby and didn’t like to be held or cuddled much at all.

He did get loving and cuddly at around 1 though and it was so nice to feel that he actually liked us!

You’re not doing anything wrong, some babies are just grumps. It does get better.

He doesn't hate you! You are his whole world.

He's doesn't hate you. He has sore gums that's all.

He doesn’t hate you! I have the jolliest baby in the world but when he’s teething he is a GRUMP. Calpol, Nurofen, Anbesol on gums, teething toys in the freezer, let him chew on one while napping – sling naps worked best for us in the early teething days.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply.
firstly, thank you for the reassurances… I really am trying to do things right! I’ve read A LOT. But I always make the same joke when people come to me with horse problems “well your horse obviously hasn’t read the same books as you”. Now I feel in the same position. I’ve read all about creating a bond, and I’m doing all of it. Baby just wants some elusive technique that has been kept a secret from baby beginners like me.

i don’t believe it’s a feeding problem-he’s well supervised by all relevant health professionals, growing extremely well and the reflux and colic have only improved over the last month.

it really just feels like he’s crying for something he wants. But that isn’t me!

i did wonder if it was teething related. But that felt like making excuses for me being unable to comfort him.

as for babies being parasites? Yes they probably are by definition, but it’s a parasite that is wanted and loved. I was told I’d never have children. And here he is. My own little miracle. I want him to love his life as much as love him!!

thanks again all. I’ll keep trying the stuff I know about. But still happy to hear any secret tips on helping baby bond with mum!!