Does your autistic child have friends?

[MaxwellCat]

If you have an autistic child or children do they have friends? I've been told it's quite common for autistic children to not want friends and to not force it but just wondered if anyone else was in the same boat as not really met anyone with children that don't have any friends, I've found it quite difficult especially as they've got older and it's very noticeable in the holidays.

DS15 is autistic and on the pathway for an ADHD assessment. He has some lovely friends, both NT and ND, but struggles with the larger group that these friends belong to. He would never talk to kids he doesn't know through someone else. His close friends have similar interests and sense of humour.

DS12, year 7, is NT and almost all his friends are ND. His best friend is an autistic boy from primary school in the year below who has just finished year 6. They're both super excited that from September they'll be in the same school again.

Both DS's value their friendships and are very socially motivated.

This is so interesting for me to read. DS doesn't have a diagnosis, he's very bright but really struggling with social skills. Possibly what used to be known as Asperger's.

He's sweet, he's kind, he's always nice to everyone but comes across as odd and certainly isn't cool. He's been in with the same group since primary school and most of them are the shy or less cool ones. Lately though they've drifted off, they're Y8 in September and social groups are changing.

I'm struggling to sort him out with having friends over because they're all into Snapchat and TikTok and he's into history games and not the best at chatting.

He's happy hanging out with us, but at school it's important to me (probably more than him) that he's not wandering around alone!

I hope he finds a new crew, he needs some slightly geeky friends perhaps...

Yeah the ADHD kid. They share the support worker.

@limemarmaladeisbetter would your DS find it easier to build relationships at an activity where doing the activity takes the pressure off of the chatting or leads directly to it. So take the boys tubing to the cinema, retro arcade whatever you've got in your area to help spark the convo.

Also might be worth looking at the library for clubs, war hammer type groups or boardgame cafes that might run social clubs. If he likes history maybe he would like those reenactment type groups and find like minded friends there.

My 12 year old is the same. He's far more comfortable with younger children and has struggled since leaving primary. I'm hoping that this will improve when he enters year 8 in September as there will be children from his old school starting and he will want to help them, bless him.

One has (high functioning girl) although she has to be encouraged to socialise.
Other doesn't want any (more severe needs and learning difficulties)

@Singleandproud
It's funny because we've actually just done what you've suggested and for the same reasons. I've spoken to my friend who's DS has been my DS's since 3YO and suggested some Go Ape etc and he's going swimming today with another lad. Im also going to try and help DS with some conversation starters.

I think Warhammer etc could be good, we have no idea about stuff like this and live in a small town so will probably have to go to a larger city.

No it's heartbreaking

Hi. Yes he does although most of his friends have similar conditions so it can be interesting at times. They rub along together quite well. He only has one neurotypical friend though

One is a complete social butterfly and has friends all over the place, regularly out and chatting. One has a small circle of friends who meet up occasionally. The other has friends but struggles to socialise physically outside the school setting but has managed a few odd days this year and is in a group chat so stays in touch.

Mine are older teens/young adults now. The middle one has had periods of having no friends due to being out of education and it's hard.

DS1 (10) does. He has what would have been seen as ‘classic Asperger’s’ a generation ago. One has been a friend from babyhood and is beyond loyal. Another boy got drawn into their group more recently. But the big big change for us (which stopped me fretting) was that DS1 is an excellent cricketer and being obsessed with sport is socially acceptable. The boys from cricket are genuinely pleased to see him and when we run into them at local events drag DS1 off to be with them. I know he’s got a much smaller group than my social butterfly DS2 but I am calm about his future these days.

I have 2 children with Autism both on different ends of the spectrum.

My dd 16 has friends but really struggles to keep them.
My ds 6 doesn't have any friends he's not interested in other children at all. If we are with other children he will keep his distance from them. We was at a party with him yesterday and he didn't interact with any children he stood next to the speakers watching the lights instead.

One does and one doesn't. They both want friends.

No
neither of them do

Yes. A few very good friends, mostly autistic as well.

But the one who does have friends its definitely a case of 'birds of a feather flock together' with other ND kids (but mostly autistic)

Thanks all. Its seems most autistic children do have friends then. Do the ones who have other autistic friends go to special schools? Mine are in mainstream and there was another autistic child in my sons class but they clashed badly! So opposite for us.

Neither of mine are in special school, but the one who has struggled the most in mainstream possibly should be. He's also the one without friends

Mine is in special school, but his friends are not from.school. they are my sen mum support groups children.

Yes my DD has friends, though I have noticed the gap in social maturity and interests has really increased this year ( year 2). She's autumn born and tends to play with the summer borns but even they are starting to outgrow her interests now, so not sure what next year will bring.
There is another ND child in her class but she clashes horribly with him to the point they're kept apart as much as possible.

DS1: No.
DS2: Yes.

Yes, for now. She is developmentally behind and the other girls treat her like the class pet as she is physically smaller and will do anything to make them laugh. She isn't inhibited at all and will still muck about so the boys like her, whilst a lot of the other girls are starting to be a bit cool.

I can't see this being the case forever and there's already less whole class party's. She knows that she hasn't been invited to a fair few party's. I think it hurts her. Luckily her brother is her 'best friend' and they happily play and enjoy eachothers company.

My 10yo is in a special school, he gravitates towards adults rather than children, he's capable of playing to an extent but doesn't have friends as such. He's not bothered lol.

Thats the case for the boy in my sons class he was very disruptive they just clashed (would throw books and pens around, call my son names etc) so sadly we found the opposite and having another autistic child in his class didn't mean they gravitated towards each other.