Shy/nervous 3 year old - help!

[Catsonskis]

my recently turned 3 year old is SO shy and nervous when we go to new things/try new things. We tried a new activity this morning and all the other 3 year olds new to the activity just ran off to participate merrily without looking back whilst mine clung to me, wanted me to go with them etc.

she kept creeping closer to the activities, she desperately wanted to have a try/join in, but she’d get so far and then run back to me. She cried when we left as she wanted a go once all the other children had finished/moved on.

I know this can be really normal, but it’s so different from all the other kids, we’ve tried swimming, dancing, and now this activity and each one she’s the same (we tried them with big gaps in between, she’s not overwhelmed with new environments, so it’s not that).
she’s so outgoing at home and nursery and with friends we know, but new friends/parties etc she’s so shy and clingy.

im really worried for her starting school next year, I work full time and I’m worried she’s going to be hysterical at drop off and hate it, and I won’t be able to stay/sloth/encourage. She’s going to be young for her year too.

I fear she’s going to miss out on so many opportunities as she’s too scared to join in. I was such an outgoing child I tried all sorts and it was great. Im worried she just wants to stay home with me all the time. Some added context I suppose is that I had a baby 6m ago and wonder if that’s making her more clingy?

the other thing is I’m worried I’ve made her like this, I’m quite an anxious person and was very anxious when she was born/tiny (it was Covid to be fair). Have I done this?

any advice as to how to help her gain confidence in these sort of settings?

When you've done dancing and swimming in the past, did you go once and leave it or keep going back? I'd keep taking her, be present so she knows you're there and can see you at all times. As the weeks go on she'll gain her confidence. Maybe she just needs the consistency to become familiar and comfortable. Stay and play sessions where the same children regularly attend are also good x

Don't worry too much lots of young children are very shy and clingy and then grow out of it, don't give up on the activities straight away if you have and agree stay and play sessions are good because you are still there, my child is not shy but i was and still went on to.have friends and didn't miss out on opportunites as i got older and learned to manage it better,she is.only 3 and has plenty of time . My niece is painfully shy and her mother took her dancing she wouldn't do it but has managed to make friends and come out her shell alot when she started school last September if your daughter has friends at nursery she will get used to school too in time and make friends.

My 3 year old daughter is also like this. She is an august baby so I am also worried about her starting school next year being the youngest.

we go to a couple of toddler groups and she does really enjoy them but needs me with her all the time e.g. when it’s time to get an instrument she needs me to stand up and go with her rather than running up like the other children. However, it’s very similar to how I was as a child and I don’t think there’s an issue with being more of an observer and there can be many strengths in that.

I think the thing to do is validate them by saying things like “it’s okay to be nervous” or “we can watch until you’re ready to join in”. It doesn’t help to push and invalidate their feelings by saying things like “there’s nothing to be scared of”. I also try not to tell people that my child is shy. I think children internalise labels like this and I remember being so embarrassed as a child whenever someone called me ‘shy’ and I definitely put myself in the ‘shy’ box. I’m sure you don’t do these things anyway but it’s just to say that I don’t think there’s much you can do but keep going out to do things and support your child.

My son was and still is similar to this.
the fear I had for him starting school last year was unreal but he honestly has done so well! Prior to this he would never leave my side at groups we attended etc and was so shy but fine at nursery.
the first few weeks at school were as expected tears and clinginess at drop off but honestly it got easy really quickly. All the kids in his year have gone through this stage at some point or another aswell. The teacher told us the kids that are fine and happy going in in September will have it hit them later on in the year and it was so true.

the last month of school we also managed to get him into after school club which when we had previously tried around March/April time he was hysterical when left but you’d be surprised how quickly they adapt.

I would say for us we just now play to his strengths etc.
Most parties we have gone to this year he has just sat on my lap and watched but has joined in towards the end or if it was a bouncy castle party etc that enticed him more.